Astley Church, then tiffin at the Kings Arms, Areley Common

# 260

Date: Thursday 27th June 2013
Venue: Astley Church, then tiffin at the Kings Arms, Areley Common
Beers: Banks’s, Marstons
Food: chip butties & onion rings (£1!) plus donations to St Mary’s Hospice
Hare: Wrong / Pootle / the owd mon of Quarry Bonk
Virgins: Instant Whip/Brummie Lynda (Malvern Joggers & Malvern Hash)
Visitors: Dr Nick

Trail: The rain must have put ‘em all off tonight as there wor many a-turned up, which was a real shame as it was a bostin’ ‘ash. We did wait around for a while, thinking about just going to the pub but we decided to hash anyway seeing as Wrong had gone to all that trouble… (…laying it 3 times? …really?) We were told to look out for some strange Black Country chalk marks on the rowads and some “timber derivatives” when off the rowads and then we were sent off to “check it aat.“

A fine mixture of lanes, fields, ‘osses (big uns), very slippy muddy paths, then there was the nettles – oh the nettles - then the brambles too – noone escaped either obstacle. We were getting wetter and wetter with the rain-soaked foliage, which was over our heads on some of the stretches (well, mine anyway). 

‘ash ‘alts with no sweets or drinks and barely an ‘alt! Only the sound of Larry Grayson’s call of “shut that door!” - Shag’s developing himself an eclectic repertoire of impersonations. A very slippy, muddy path down through the woods, another ‘alf an ‘ash ‘alt and the chance for Boris to jump in the lake, whilst Hash Quack & Dr Whiplash (the usual suspects) missed it completely! 

The cry of “aww, you aye sin nothin’ yet!” and we were off through Shrawley woods, where the undergrowth got thicker & denser. We almost had a lost incident but it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. It almost felt like being in the jungle in there it was so steamy, although that could have just been the chemistry between Instant Whip and Herr Flash. 

The rain gave way to a little bit of sunshine, the 3rd HH was a little longer (by about 30 seconds) and the last part of the hash was much less vicious – things really were looking up!

More hilarity as Instant Whip climbed over a stile only for the adjoining gate to be opened by a chivalrous (but smug) Shag. A cheeky crossback over the oss’s field (them big ‘uns again) all to be captured on film by Dr Whiplash as our moments of glory.

And so, after the changing room incident in the back of a rather untidy van, we headed back to the Kings Arms for tay – bostin! Instant Whip even managed to get herself medicated there too.

Still missing our RA, Cross Dresser arranged a live link-up (which took me back to my Bingo days in Cricklewood) and the loud speaker was set for her to take the stage…

Down downs: Wrong for the greatest ‘ash ever (despite no sweets); Instant Whip (Brummie Lynda), tonight’s virgin; me for getting changed - the bare faced cheek of it! And finally to Shag and Leg Over for their “heroic” pet rescue of Boris (who’s probably a better swimmer than them anyway)

Tara-a-bit!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Black Boy, Bewdley – stars & stripes fancy dress