The Constitutional Club, Kinver ( Dr Whiplash 40th birthday Hash)

Next week: The Laurels, Kidderminster Road, Cutnall Green, WR9 0PW

Greensleeves' birthday hash

Hash 337 The Constitutional Club, Kinver

(Insert Whiplash's part of the blog here... Or maybe somewhere else!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Dr Whiplash for being the "big cheese" birthday boy - is he over the hill? There's certainly been some hills involved tonight!
Emma, our Virgin runner who had helped the big cheese lay the trail and had apparently been on hill taming duty
The "our tune" award goes to Hot Lips who didn't really want to be out on a school night, found out it wasn't a school night after all, then ended up letting it all go - unable to face it, her down down was driven down Bushwacker - well, without Sprout, he needed something!
Genital Reminder - the gift that keeps on giving - rabbits? Seriously?
Lassie for not living up to his name as instead of bringing everyone home he led them up the wrong path
And finally, Dr Whiplash awarded the last one to Crossdresser for having the best hat!

Lovely meal back at the on inn (there was a long wait for lasagne... that turned out to be a steak pie - result!)
Venn & Sven diagrams were used
A round of "happy birthday to you!" and some of Game Bird's lovely birthday cake, washed down with whichever of the many beers takes your fancy (I'm still on the soft drinks)

The final HH was amazing up at the look out point (see Tony's photo) with Whiplash's very own mini bar, although he declined to down them all himself (he's a sensible lad, unlike some...)

If anyone thinks being over 40 is over the hill, you're not wrong. Especially between 7 and 9 on a Thursday night. One of the hills was so steep that we were in danger of face-planting into each other's arses (or maybe that was just someone's fantasy?)

Running around Kinver Edge, off and back on again. Many twists and turns, lots of mud, lots of ups and downs (& we were assured we had the tamed route) and lots of hash halts with lots of Haribo & jelly babies to aid recovery.

And so, off we went, although Tony & Katie sloped back off to the car park. It was always going to start with a hill wasn't it? Say No More was a keen FRB tonight and Tony & Katie rejoined the party.

We finally managed to scrape just under 20 hashers & Demon Dog, got the low down from the big cheese - oh yeah, it's gonna be one of those hashes again tonight. Doggy Fashion (& myself actually) were remembering the pleasantries of the picnic but what Whiplash really meant was that he'd been making his own rules up again.

It was a slow start and could easily have been the smallest hash ever but a few more renditions of ham eggs chips & peas and meat lasagne and a few more folk braved this chilly winters evening. The hats theme was a brilliant idea!

There was a cafuffle at the start as new barriers were found on the car park but the boys had ways of sorting those. The big cheese arrived, armed with the menu, and Crossdresser broke into song: Ham, egg, chips & peas, chips & peas!

Since Dr Whiplash started the blog before the hash and Who's the Daddy thinks it gets written beforehand anyway (!) I thought I'd write it backwards (in a way), just because I can, good luck!

Hot Lips x

(Insert Whiplash's part of the blog here... Or maybe somewhere else!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Dr Whiplash for being the "big cheese" birthday boy - is he over the hill? There's certainly been some hills involved tonight!
Emma, our Virgin runner who had helped the big cheese lay the trail and had apparently been on hill taming duty
The "our tune" award goes to Hot Lips who didn't really want to be out on a school night, found out it wasn't a school night after all, then ended up letting it all go - unable to face it, her down down was driven down Bushwacker - well, without Sprout, he needed something!
Genital Reminder - the gift that keeps on giving - rabbits? Seriously?
Lassie for not living up to his name as instead of bringing everyone home he led them up the wrong path
And finally, Dr Whiplash awarded the last one to Crossdresser for having the best hat!

Lovely meal back at the on inn (there was a long wait for lasagne... that turned out to be a steak pie - result!)
Venn & Sven diagrams were used
A round of "happy birthday to you!" and some of Game Bird's lovely birthday cake, washed down with whichever of the many beers takes your fancy (I'm still on the soft drinks)

The final HH was amazing up at the look out point (see Tony's photo) with Whiplash's very own mini bar, although he declined to down them all himself (he's a sensible lad, unlike some...)

If anyone thinks being over 40 is over the hill, you're not wrong. Especially between 7 and 9 on a Thursday night. One of the hills was so steep that we were in danger of face-planting into each other's arses (or maybe that was just someone's fantasy?)

Running around Kinver Edge, off and back on again. Many twists and turns, lots of mud, lots of ups and downs (& we were assured we had the tamed route) and lots of hash halts with lots of Haribo & jelly babies to aid recovery.

And so, off we went, although Tony & Katie sloped back off to the car park. It was always going to start with a hill wasn't it? Say No More was a keen FRB tonight and Tony & Katie rejoined the party.

We finally managed to scrape just under 20 hashers & Demon Dog, got the low down from the big cheese - oh yeah, it's gonna be one of those hashes again tonight. Doggy Fashion (& myself actually) were remembering the pleasantries of the picnic but what Whiplash really meant was that he'd been making his own rules up again.

It was a slow start and could easily have been the smallest hash ever but a few more renditions of ham eggs chips & peas and meat lasagne and a few more folk braved this chilly winters evening. The hats theme was a brilliant idea!

There was a cafuffle at the start as new barriers were found on the car park but the boys had ways of sorting those. The big cheese arrived, armed with the menu, and Crossdresser broke into song: Ham, egg, chips & peas, chips & peas!

Since Dr Whiplash started the blog before the hash and Who's the Daddy thinks it gets written beforehand anyway (!) I thought I'd write it backwards (in a way), just because I can, good luck!

Hot Lips x

The Camp House, Grimley

#335

Date: Thursday 20th November 2014
Pub: The Camp House, Grimley
Food: Chilli, rice and chips with iceberg  garnish or vegetable lasagne
Hares: Legover and helpers
Visitors/virgins: Lovely to see Angie, and I think The Pimp is no longer just a visitor.

Also present:
Game Bird
Dr Whiplash
Shag
Doggy Fashion
Who's the Daddy
Russell Sprout
The Pro
The Amateur
Hash Quack
Golden Showers
Bristols
Clodhopper and Jasper
Oh, and me!

Trail:
You had to be hardcore to venture out through the fog to the back of beyond for tonight's hash...there was a distinct drop in numbers, as well as in temperature, from last week. Game Bird thought it was appropriate to crack open the Lidl sweets while we gathered in the car park. Jasper soon warmed things up by attacking poor Hash Quack.

It took a while to find the flour, but at least everyone was nicely warmed up before heading off through the mist along the river towards Worcester. 

Eventually we headed right by a little bridge before climbing some steps to the first hash halt. 

There was some confusion as we set off again through Hallow because some hashers made the mistake of thinking I knew where I was going. Sorry, The Pimp. Legover was doing his job, luckily, and soon put us right. It looks different in the dark!

And I didn't deliberately turn off my torch. I honestly thought I was shining my light towards those poor guys who ran off half a mile the wrong way, instead of sneaking down the side of The Crown. We didn't lose anyone though. 

We carried on through some houses, Shag's dulcet tones contemplating the meaning of life, the universe etc.

After another hash halt it was mostly across fields and there was much calling back from front runners (Who's the Daddy)...despite the huge piles of flour on the fence posts...

While the hashers were checking it out in the wrong direction I thought I'd have a sneaky wee but Legover picked the wrong moment to turn around to tell me to switch my torch off, illuminating me, just as the hashers realised their error and came back...

Everyone found at least one of the On Inns and made it back for the best chilli and lasagne ever!

Down downs:
Briefly interrupted by the indoor shooters selling raffle tickets, but subsequently awarded by Doggy Fashion to: 
Legover for a lovely winter hash, and to me for helping, enlisting child slave labour on a school night and for weeing on my trainers. 
- There was a Tale of 2 Daves...Clodhopper was thought to be farting throughout the hash, but it turned out to be Jasper's extendable lead making all the noise. And to Who's the Daddy for calling back twice and switching off his torch to sneak up on unsuspecting hashers.
He also got caught up in Game Bird's bush🌳.

Ok, bye!

Cleopatra x
Next week: The Pavilion in the Park, Worcester. Plays With IT.

Bristols' 30th Birthday and Engagement to Golden Showers African Safari Hash!

#334 Bristols' 30th Birthday and Engagement to Golden Showers African Safari Hash!

Date: Thursday 13th November 2014
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Food: Hearty stew and chunky bread
Hares: Shag, Bristols, Golden Showers and Charlie the Demon Dog
Visitors/virgins: Ester, Clare and some of Bristols' mates whose names I've forgotten, sorry.

There was a very special announcement at the beginning of tonight's hash: Bristols and Golden Showers got engaged in Africa💕🐅!!!

The 25 or so hashers in African themed fancy dress gave a champagne toast to the happy couple. Controversially, some chose to run with an Ebola-protective-suits/masks spin on the African theme...just saying what happened; I won't judge.

I missed all this, and the beginning of the trail but I'm sure expectations were low as one of the hares had already broadcast that this was to be the worst hash ever. The puddles in the car park should have been an indicator of what was to come...

When Ester the virgin and I rocked up, three proper gentlemen had kindly waited for us: Legover, Shag and Ollie. We'd never have caught up otherwise and it would have been a rubbish first hash for Ester.

We ran at quite a pace to catch the others up, which we managed by the first hash halt. There was a rendition of Happy Birthday for Bristols and sparklers and fireworks courtesy of Legover. Oh, and loads of Lidl sweets. Did you collect the rubbish at 6am, Shag😇?

From then on, it was, as Crossdresser was to later describe, like the Battle of the Somme, which seemed appropriate with the 100 years' anniversary of the start of the First World War. Strictly speaking, the Battle of the Somme was 1916, but I'm just showing off because I know about these things.

We felt for the virgins, who were possibly regretting coming, not having been warned about extreme conditions. They battled on, across the fields, listening to the comforting tones of Shag's voice as he described Charlie's unfortunate incident with the barbed wire. Get well soon, Charlie!

There was a huge stash of beer, soft drinks and Lidl sweets at the second hash halt, just down the road from the pub. After consuming our body weight in faux Pinballs™, some of us felt it best to resist the temptation to follow the tarmac back to the On Inn.

We divided again at the very narrow path between a fence and a hedge, visions of barbed wire fresh in our minds. I overheard Bushwhacker and young Ollie talking about tractors (so cute), shortly before returning to the pub. We were joined by non-runners The Pro, the lovely Emma, Get Down Shep and Tits or Treats.

Also present and deserve a mention:
Game Bird, Doggy Fashion, Say No More, Plays With IT, Russell Sprout, The Amateur, Clodhopper and a well-behaved Jasper, Hash Quack, Dr Whiplash, The Pimp, Well Laid

Down downs:
Awarded by Crossdresser to hares Shag, Bristols and Golden Showers for their muddy hash, then in a slick manoeuvre to Bristols again for having a big birthday. We sang Happy Birthday and Doggy accused Legover of dragging her down before we moved smoothly on to the subject of the engagement. Gifts of a ball and chain, flowers and a shotgun were given out.
Crossdresser welcomed the virgins and would have given a down down to Clare for the best alligator costume but she did a runner.
Young Ollie got a pint of water for complaining to Tits or Treats that Uncle Shag never calls him .

Game Bird had made one of those amazing Guinness cakes.

Sorry if I've forgot anything or anyone. It's a big responsibility, you know.

Cleopatra x

Ps could somebody please confirm that I've got Stuart's hash name right?

Next week: Legover, venue TBC

Brookfield House

Hash 333

Date: Thursday 6th November 2014
Venue: Brookfield House, Wolverley
Food: homemade bangers & mash
Beers: BYO
Hare: Clodhopper
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Clodhopper's Bangers & Hash

There was a doggy theme tonight - Say No More had spied an apparently good dogging spot before we'd even set out - Say No More indeed!

Jasper was very excitable inside and out and then Demon Dog appeared and got to marking anything and everything in an equally excitable manner (much to Game Bird's amusement)

And so, 16 hashers, 2 Hashlings, 2 hash hounds, some overly bright torches, some rain, order called by Who's the Daddy and tonight's trail introduced by Clodhopper: laid in sawdust, about 5 miles, 3 and you're on and 3 hash halts.

Lassie was brave in his bare legs and brand new trainers and he and the Amateur were off, checking every which way right from the start as we headed back down towards Wolverley. Confusion at a crossing meant that, quite effortlessly, Game Bird and myself became FRBs!

Into the boggy fields of no mans land and down to Wolverley Court Lock and the first HH. All sorts were shared, Shirley was heard to mention threesomes but Shag had remembered the birds from around these parts...

More confusion as Whiplash fled off down the towpath, we duly followed, only to be called back and over to the other side. Shag mischievously led everyone up a falsie and was still chuckling to himself as his Demon Dog was also leading Jasper astray as he came close to upending Doggy Fashion and The Pro.

More off road, lots more mud and puddles, more FRB action from Game Bird, Doggy Fashion and myself until disorientation along the towpath found us near the back again.

The Pro had gone AWOL at the last HH, the Amateur lamented his woe and gave a sad blow of his horn but to no avail. We therefore set off for the final furlong, back through the lanes of Fairfield and more shaggy dog stories as Doggy Fashion told me of her pooch just as Jasper tried to trip her with his lead yet again!

A great hash and back to the on in for bangers and bangers and mash!

Hot Lips x

Down downs were awarded by tonight's guest RA Doggy Fashion:

Hopscotch for food and hosting
Clodhoper for the best hash ever and water skiing with jasper
Lassie for new shoes he drank his down down from
3 new namings:
Jody - Green Sleeves for always wearing green tops,
Will - Led Head as he has an led headlight but the light bit was missing from the elastic
And mum, Kirsty is Kinky Boots as she arrived at the firework party in lace up knee high boots the naughty girl xxxx

Next week: The Fox, Hanley Broadheath, WR15 8QS

African Safari theme

Bird in Hand, Stourport

#331

Date: Thursday 23rd October 2014
Pub: Bird in Hand, Stourport
Beers: 
Food: Chicken curry or cauliflower cheese and chips!
Hare: Lassie
Visitors/virgins: Frosty Tony, Mike and Lynda and The Pimp off of Malvern

Trail:

I don't really know much about the trail. I was in the pub when Lassie was telling us about it and took lots of shortcuts.

These hashers were there:

The Amateur, Clodhopper, Genital Reminder, Game Bird, Russell Sprout, Hash Quack, Doggy Fashion, Legover, Dr Whiplash, Shag, Bushwacker, Who's the Daddy, Torchy, Tits or Treats, Cyclopath, Well Laid, The Pimp, Mike and Lynda, Lassie, Cleopatra, Windy Miller and Thing2.

Thing 2 would like to have a go at describing some of it:

Jasper and Charlie were having a play fight and were bouncing on top of each other. Kim said she had a bad knee. Then Windy Miller, Cleopatra and I went up some steps to get to the front. We met the man in the pink swirly leggings. He looked shocked that we were at the front now. We went past a rugby field and I did some cartwheels. Then we went into a cow field and it stank.
Furthermore, we stopped at a relaxing hash halt and had a little rest (with no sweets). Because we were getting tired, Lassie gave us a long shortcut. He said wait by the hollow and they'd come out there. So we were searching for a hollow but it was pitch black. Luckily we had Legover.
We eventually found the hollow and there was a gate so we hid behind it so we could scare them. We jumped out at the front runners and Dr Whiplash had a nasty shock. I can give you an impression. 😦
We had a luxurious hash halt with liquorice all sorts and yummy Jelly Babies.
There were some brambles and I was afraid to go through them and Declan scooped me up and carried me over before I could say anything. He said I was lighter than his dog.

It's Cleopatra again. Shortly before we took another shortcut with Well Laid, Hash Quack had a disagreement with a tree stump. We were closely followed by Dr Whiplash back to the On Inn, who insisted he had followed flour...

Back at the pub we met up with Mrs Lassie and down downs were awarded in style by Shag to:

Frosty Tony for being a virgin
Lassie for the best hash ever
Mrs Lassie for being lovely
Who's the Daddy and Ethan for father/son squabbling and a fluorescent thong

Next week: Copcut Elm, Droitwich

Ye Olde White Harte, Kinver

#326

Date: Thursday 18th September
Venue: Ye Olde White Harte, Kinver
Food: Off the menu
Beers: yes
Hare: Clodhopper👞
Visitors/virgins: Bubbles' big mate?👤

Trail👣:

We gathered in the car park...dying to meet Bubbles' mysterious mate... but neither turned up. Cleopatra🔺and Legover tried to take obscene photos 🍑 with Shag's phone. A poorly Dr Whiplash came to see us off. Clodhopper told us about the trail he laid without Cinderella while Tits or Treats 🍬did some yoga🙅. Just a normal Thursday night really.

It was flour and you're on and the trail immediately took us up the biggest hill 🌁 the hare 🐇could find. Legover had a wee  to lighten the load. Some of us developed altitude sickness with the lack of oxygen .

We suddenly found ourselves in that field where we had that picnic not so long ago before climbing up another brambly hill to the first hash halt.

Who's the Daddy soon got us moving again and Shag🔧told us about his ideas for fancy dress and games for the hash weekend🍌.

Maybe that was why we were all so hot and sweaty...or maybe it was because it was unseasonably warm🌋. A second hash halt came just in time and the tropical Caprisuns🍍were v. popular.

There were lots of twists and turns ↩↪ in true Clodhopper stylie...we thought we were nearly there but then found ourselves running in the opposite direction to the pub through a field of crazy youths 👬👭 and then some scared horses .

Back at the on inn we found Bubbles and his 'mate', who was actually our very own Crossdresser.
Dr Whiplash and Emma Game Bird and Compost also joined us.

Bushwhacker🎮 got IDed at the bar and Cinderella was disappointed when she wasn't...

Down downs:

Crossdresser only accepted written nominations for down downs. I found it very confusing because people were given them and they all gave them to someone else to drink:

Shag - not sure why? Shortcutting?
Clodhopper - we voted for whether it was the best, worst, or just 'Whiplash mediocre'. It was the best!
Cinderella - for going to uni📚.
Hash Quack and Game Birdfor being GB 🇬🇧 athletes.
Tits or Treats - for her bizarre stretches.
Bubbles - for being Crossdresser's mate and agreeing on the Scotland 🇬🇧 issue.

Say No More🙆 announced the forthcoming Hash Weekend on 17th/18th January 2015👍.

Next week: venue TBC

Ye Olde Holt Castle, Holt Heath, in the Shire of Worcester

Hash 325

Date: Thursday 11th September 2014
Venue: Ye Olde Holt Castle, Holt Heath, in the Shire of Worcester
Beers: Guinness, Ye Olde Speckled Hen, Thatchers Gold cider
Food: meat / veggie chilli & rice
Hares: His majesty, King & Heir Flash and her grace, Queen Instant Whip
Visitors/virgins: yes, plenty (although most left before dinner)

Trail: His Majesty's Medieval Birthday Hash

Come hither ye all, lords, ladies, gentlemen, knights, archers, friars, princesses, peasants and wenches. Ye are gathered here this night for King Flash's birthday hash (although you wouldn't knoweth he was king, he's in one of his many disguises).

Gather round to hear him speaketh, two score and ten were counted (or there abouts). He remained holding the hand of her Highness, Queen Whip, as he toldeth of tonight's trail. The royal abacus worked out numbers for the following banquet, the horn was blown and we set off into the evening sun, in search of the floured trail.

Verily, it is so, that on on was soon called to the left, past ye olde church of St Martin. A few lanes later and we happened upon the first hash halt. The knights refrained from bloody battle but there may have been a scuffle over a Haribo or two...

Into the woodland next, before traversing Ball Mill Quarry, site of archaeological interest. It hath been revealed that this land was likely to have been orchard or hopyard area in the Romano-British period (3rd & 4th Century), with the settlement area lying further to the south. Brian was particularly lively around these parts - maybe he was going to do a little digging of his own.

Down to the river and the next HH, whither Annie dog completed the second leg of her duathlon - they sayeth that dogs are like their owners! More sweets, talk of battle charges & ale-quaffing and the GM sent us on on again. Some headed north, when in fact the trail went south along the River Severn.

Come hither into the cattle field, where those more unfortunate amongst us encountered the dead sheep, although none claimed it as their own, despite the flailing swords. Of course, one knight was caught severing a vegetable from it's plant in a neighbouring field - there's always one!

One of the wenches deciphered the hash view point code and most of us duly went to have a look, whilst the FRBs went in search of the trail instead. A little bit of road before HH3, whither we were rightly treated to the finest of ales and juices, meanwhile, someone had dropped something that would soon weigh his britches down...

Story of a short cut was told but the followers decided to battle through the dark wilderness, through the stingiest of nettles filled with blood-curdling cries and into the clearing for HH4. It was too dark to see anything, except for a lonesome knight sneaking away to findeth a good tree.

The final furlong took us through more woods with nervous horses nearby. Demon Dog needed help over a couple of styles, his owner requested help of a similar nature but later regretted it as it resulted in further problems with his britches.

A truly majestic hash, fit for a king, his queen and their people, and the best on inn in history: the on castle!
Much frivolity, yet more fair maidens, more beer-swilling and ale-quaffing. The court jester serenaded us beauteously with his mighty stringed instrument and there was a guest RA to master the ceremonies...

Down downs were enthusiastically awarded by Gone Commando to the former King's now jester Heir Flash and his fellow jesteress Instant Whip for their magnificent hash (although his wicked game of thrones prevented further hand-holding or canoodling of any sort)
Matt & Sarah, the virgins, were raucously named...
Rawhide, who had been hash flashing all night, was being revered for having the horn
Goody Goody Goo Shoes
Ben the beastly knight
Shag for the trouble with his britches
Dirty Habit
Sheep Shagger for being the best dressed knight
Denis the Menace for being the worst dressed...

Fare thee well one and all

Hot Lips x

Next (this) week: Ye Olde White Hart, Kinver, DY7 6HL

Eagle & Spur, Cookley

Hash 324

Date: Thursday 4th September 2014
Pub: Eagle & Spur, Cookley
Beers: Two Hoots, Brains, Eagle, Symonds cider
Food: chicken/veggie curry, rice & poppadums
Hares: Hot Lips, Dr Jeckyll & Sister Hyde
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: The "I get by with a little help from my friends" hash

About 20 hashers, including 4 hashlings and a couple of hash hounds for another lovely summer's evening. There was a little confusion over numbers as not much food had been pre-ordered but the fact it was a school night helped to resolve this!

Yet another week of no GM or RA caused more panic until Early Riser stepped (was pushed) into the role. It was a bit of a joint effort as the website had to be checked for details but he seemed to cope well under the pressure.

Now, over to tonight's trail. True to form, I enlisted the help of others to help set the trail - well a girl can't be out walking along dark paths, chucking bits of flour around, on her own now can she?

Shirley agreed to come & keep me company but Dr Jeckyll had the brilliant idea of coming along too, him to lay the back half of the trail whilst we laid the first half. This saved a good 2 hours and made interesting commentary at the start. I could see that people were thinking this was going to be the worst hash ever. Anyway, here goes...

Out of 5 possible routes at the start, everyone went the wrong way! Clodhopper and Lassie went one way, the Amateur & Bushwacker went another, In The Bush & Golden Shower went another whilst Shirley & I just waited and laughed. Dr Jeckyll said we really shouldn't be giving away clues so early on in the proceedings but it was almost necessary.

And so, along Lea Lane, past the sports & social club, Early Riser & Lassie were spotted checking out routes without checks, whilst Dr Jeckyll was complaining of a lack of flour. Not so, Clodhopper's puppy had chosen to relieve himself on one of the spots (well, that's our excuse & we're sticking to it).

A little further along and we cut back on ourselves along the canal side. Clodhopper reckoned he knew his way around these paths, his excuse for going off trail was to rescue Lassie. Windy Miller and Thing 2 were running well and glad not to be at the back, whilst Up Front & Just Will were obviously way on ahead.

Shirley and I lost our own trail at one point but this was for the better as we shortcutted to the upper path with the hashlings and removed the possibility of falling in the cut! We also caught up with the rest of the pack who had negotiated the narrow lower path and were now checking out falsies again.

A troll was waiting for us as we crossed the bridge, grabbing the ankles of hashlings and frightening one of the hares. Along the tow path, turning left before the next tunnel and up to HH1 at the steel works' fire assembly point. Sweets were shared, stories were told and Bushwacker just had to be king of the castle.

On on again, back up to the main road, In The Bush and a couple of others checked right but we were heading left down the hill, meaning he was at the back for once! Not for long though.

Over the river, round the bend and another check taking us up Kinver Lane. Shag was a little preoccupied by some coupling exercise, whilst Cinderella was having a bit of trouble with Jasper.

HH2 with some liquid refreshments that were hidden by the Hydes, before sending them to check out the falsie. Some fell for it, then we headed off, away from the road and into the field. This was Dr Jeckyll's part of the trail & he seemed very pleased with himself as more hashers succumbed to yet more falsies.

Down to The Anchor, where the locals, enjoying a few beers on this warm evening, gave us plodders at the back the right directions. A few paths later and we found ourselves at the very picturesque HH3 on a bridge over the River Stour. Windy Miller tried to create an early Halloween scene and everyone else with torches now needed to check their batteries were working.

Dr Jeckyll was chuckling to himself as the hashers followed yet another falsie, oh how they all groaned! He was a little disappointed that they missed the next falsie & actually picked up the right trail. Luckily, he was easily consoled.

Another falsie saw the group very split and the false trailers seemed almost reluctant to come back on track. Maybe this was because Up Front & her family had now managed to secure their places at the rear? Maybe the galloping horses in the field at the side of us were just too distracting.

Nettle alley next & Cinderella was hopping around trying to avoid the impossible by not getting stung. I believe it is around here that Shirley tried to break away from the hash but was spotted and had to return dancing.

Back onto the estate, yet more falsies (never have we seen so many towards the end of a hash!) and finally, the on inn was in sight. The hottest (but very nice) curry we've ever had & the welcome return of a chauffeur-driven Crossdresser, who politely grimaced through each & every hug he got!

Down downs: awarded in person this week by Crossdresser to:
Hot Lips for the best hash ever plus enlisting others to either help out (or bail her out of) laying it
Dr Jeckyll for his part in laying the second half of the trail with some excellent & unexpected falsies
Shirley for helping out too, plus having too many down downs last week, plus trying to nip off without being followed - not a good move when you're one of the hares!
Early Riser for stepping in to make his debut as GM, his virgin run if you like
In The Bush for turning up to a hash on his own, absolutely no other Ward family members to look out for him (most of them with other performance athletes in Canada)
Finally to Slimboy Fat, our very own finely tuned performance athlete who is off to do the Wolf Run on Saturday and has bought new shoes for the occasion - good luck mate!

Hot Lips x

Next week: Holt Castle, Holt Heath, WR6 6NJ

Medieval Fancy Dress, party til 11pm

Hill Farm, Hanley Childe

Date: Thursday 28th August 2014
Venue: Hill Farm, Hanley Childe
Food: Andy's homemade chilli & the Kerby sisters super sarnies & salads
Beers: Foxy Lady & BYO
Entertainment: Shag's mobile disco
Hares: The Pro & Trenchfoot
Visitors/virgins: Dennis the Menace

Trail: The Birthday Bingo & Barn Bash

Another lovely sunny evening for tonight's birthday hash. One lot of food was brought over from Kidderminster, whilst extra provisions were being prepared on the farm "just in case!" as extra guests had been invited for later.

The barn had been busily worked on and was just about ready and the mobile disco was already blasting out some tunes. Reception glasses of Bucks Fizz were handed out and birthday greetings were exchanged as tonight's new venue was admired.

Shag and Dr Whiplash were sporting their Stetsons; Shag had his checked shirt on too. Hopefully, everyone else has theirs for later...

We were little thin on the ground, about 17, with a couple of hounds, no GM or RA but Dr Jeckyll and Dennis the Menace both had the horn, much to Shirley's amusement, and we were all ready & raring to go.

The Pro lived up to her name in GMing & providing tonight's hash instructions, Trenchfoot preferring to stay in the shadows. Then round one of birthday bingo commenced...

Just a few numbers called before our bingo cards & pens were tucked away & we were sent up and out of the farm drive to check out the trail. Tits or Treats went running off down the hill, managed to pick up the trail & off we went.

Demon Dog left a Range Rover owner a pile of his best, poor Shirley almost choked on the fumes, whilst the 2 horny ones were battling for position. A little further on and In The Bush left a shoe in the mud but got little sympathy from anyone, not least Comes First!

An uphill path and gate made Trenchfoot realise he hadn't really got a clue but someone managed to pick up the trail and we headed up towards another cows and bull story. With Shag there, we knew we were safe in that field but who knew that cowboys shop at Lidl?

There was already a lack of motivation for running and we became the Wyre Forest Ramblers; Doggy Fashion was even going through the motions of running but getting nowhere! Luckily, HH1 was just at the end of this field.

More Bucks Fizz, some skittles, the obligatory photos and round 2 of the bingo. Eyes down for the first line... "Line" was soon called and there was the realisation of a lack of prizes. Shaggy kisses all round then!

Across the road and over onto the next field where DF and Shag were in cahoots over tonight's entertainment and I was sent packing.

Tonight's FRBs were mostly the Amateur, Dennis the Menace and Dr Whiplash although I didn't really see any FRB action as I spent the evening dawdling at the back with no hashling for an excuse! There were lots of falsies tho, so this kept us all together, in a fashion.

More sweets (jelly worms), bingo & kisses at the next HH, although the hashling line-winner was spared her prize in the name of common decency! Then, clutching our pens and now also using our torches we were off again.

The calm before the storm for this next bit! Some beautiful, scenic countryside, a few animals along the way too, plus some idyllic houses in a very picturesque spot that left Dr Jeckyll in awe.

A clearing in the woods saw the next HH with more sweets (chocolate minstrel-like thingies) and another game of bingo. The hashlings had now been recruited for the bingo calling and people were getting very excitable! A few lines, a few more kisses but no full house yet.

The Pro warned of our next encounter - the dark & dingey dingley bit, where torches would definitely be required. I should have taken Well Laid up on her earlier offer but thought I would manage with the light on my smart phone - not really that smart but thankfully Shirley's headlight shone brighter than Blackpool illuminations!

Just when we thought we were escaping the darkness, we emerged at the bottom of a field of giant corn & had to negotiate the uphill mudslide along with the stingiest of nettles & brambles to boot too!

Dennis the Menace lost his footing on more than one occasion, I thought I had been stung by something with an inch-long sting but the commotion behind me sounded much worse. Shirley succumbed to the mud although managed to regain composure by the time she actually got to the top.

We all felt like the borrowers as we ran between the giant crops but at least our soles could get some purchase on this ground. Back out onto the road, turn left at the Tally-Ho and the light of the farmhouse was just in sight in the distance.

A gentle jog through the grassy field and we stumbled across the "on inn" just before the gate into the farm - I'll apportion that blame to Trenchfoot who probably doesn't know his way around!

The chef didn't seem at all angry at his other half at being abandoned in an unfamiliar kitchen! On the contrary, he relished the compliments for his culinary skills, all of course helped by a couple of Foxy Ladies!

The Pro & I were serenaded with "Happy birthday to you" and Bushwacker tried to fire up his chainsaw to "cut" the very delicate ribbon in the barn-opening ceremony. Sadly, the chainsaw failed so the ribbon was torn down instead and the barn was declared "open."

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser, via the live link up (Shag's phone & a microphone), to

The Pro and Trenchfoot for their wonderful hash & being the birthday girl (The Pro, that is), 

Hot Lips for being the other birthday girl

Bushwacker for building his very first barn

Shirley somehow got 3 - one for falling, one for her holy trousers and another just to confuse us all (it did)

Dennis the Menace for his visitation

And finally to Comes First for thinking that Crossdresser was actually there! (Wishful thinking on everyone's behalf I think!)

Hot Lips x

Next week: the Eagle & Spur, Cookley, DY10 3TB

PS It would be great to know if you are coming so I can give the landlady an idea for numbers for food, thanks x

PPS Good luck to Rachel & Kim for tomorrow from all of us! Xx

The Swan, Blakedown (The Donkey Hash)

#320

Date: Thursday 7th August
Venue: The Swan, Blakedown
Food: a few options off the menu
Beers: yes
Hare: Clodhopper
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail:
I arrived so early that Windy Miller and Thing 2 had time to marvel at how long it took Dr Whiplash to change into his running gear. The Pro and the Amateur were also there nice and early and I'm sure I spied them having an aperitif.

Injured Genital Reminder was in civvies but he had brought Russell Sprout...Who's the Daddy and Tough Love were there, along with New Guy Adam and his dog Charlie, those newish people including Kirstie who I don't think have hash names yet (sorry!), Darth Radar and Cinderella, Lassie, Game Bird, Doggie Fashion, Shag, Mike and Lynda, Dr Jekyll and Shirley...I shouldn't have started this list because I'll feel bad if I've forgotten someone.

Anyway, it was all about the animals tonight and as Clodhopper told us about the hash, the two Charlies and Jasper got to know each other. Actually it was all about the animals and poo, because we spent the evening avoiding both.

Apart from the donkeys at the first hash halt. We didn't want to avoid those. They were really cute.

We eventually tore ourselves away and, blinded by the setting sun, nearly got trampled by some horses with stroppy riders. They weren't happy about us using 'their' bridle way. The horses were nice, though.

Mike, off of Mike and Lynda, was caught short and made no attempt to hide the fact that he was having a wee, despite the presence of hashlings. After another hash halt with beers, soft drinks and sweets, we climbed a hill and were rewarded with a lovely view, complete with a hot air balloon and a paraglider.

We fed some horses at the third hash halt and finished off the sweets. Shag gave his Charlie a bath in a water trough but seemed to wet himself more than Charlie. There were some more horses, one of which was jumping and rearing and scaring Cinderella and me.

Back to the On Inn where Compost joined us for some food and quizzes. Shag and Doggie Fashion had been to the Pacman Hash in London and taken some photos. We had to guess who the people looked like from WFHHH with hilarious results. Most of the answers were luckily not present.

Mike and Lynda did the down downs but luckily they weren't on the scale of the Fancy London ones...Clodhopper received one for his excellent hash, Doggie Fashion was given a roll of toilet paper for her dodgy looking mud stain down her leg, whereas Dr Jekyll was given one for popping home for a shower. Then Mike off of Mike and Lynda poured his over Dr Jekyll's head! Awkward.
I had Happy Birthday sung to me and the most delicious slice of chocolate fudge cake with a raspberry coulis ever. Thanks guys!

Next week: Chez Hash Quack (this is not a pub, Ilse!)

The Swan Hash, Blakedown, Route Details

The Swan Hash, Blakedown - Details

The Swan Inn, Knowlesands, near Bridgnorth

Hash 316 Date: Thursday 17th July Venue: running from a layby from a vague location near Bridgnorth, dining at the Swan Inn, Knowlesands, near Bridgnorth Food: Pork Chops & chips / Thai veggie curry & rice Beers: Hobson's Town Crier, Oxford Gold, Fancy Nordic cider etc. etc. Hare: Well Laid Visitors/virgins: none Trail: The best Well Laid hash ever! It's lucky any of us found the right lay-by on the B455. Most of us thought it was the first lay-by, as it was on the road out of Bridgnorth and near a bridge. The wrong bridge but it there was definitely a bridge so we could all be forgiven for that mistake. Thank goodness for sat navs! And so whilst we waited for the rest of the hash to find the right lay-by, we were treated to the pungent aroma of rotting flesh. Well Laid reckoned it must have been a deer or something as the smell was so bad. Get Down Shep & Copulation found another culprit on the verge of the roadside, a pheasant. Could that really make all that smell? Somebody had turned up on a bike & proceeded to read his book whilst more hashers steadily arrived. A phonecaller from an unknown number was given directions to said lay-by and we waited again for the surprise guests to arrive. Shirley & Vicky, of course! And that means that the roadside reader was Dan! Doh! We finally congregated, a little late but nobody really cared, and Well Laid gave us a demonstration of her trail: sawdust and you're on, except when you see arrows in flour just like this... We were sent off up the road, whilst she decorated the B455 with more arrows for an even later latecomer... Say No More. From the road, turning right into a field and following some crops of beans. The Pro had taken a path of her own only to return looking like she was being filmed for a shampoo ad. The evening sun glowed brightly and the beans slowed us down as we all wanted a nibble. Game Bird wasn't sure they could be eaten raw, Crossdresser argued they could, whilst the rest of us ate them regardless. Doggy Fashion's naivety was exposed as Copulation was talking about doing something else to them at the 1st HH. That's not what 1st base is all about, Copulation! The FRBs were keen to check it out so the pack followed them one way, Copulation took the lone path this time, whilst I hung around, still eating beans. The hare helped me out by drawing another arrow on the ground & we called the pack back. A lovely bit of a forest trail next with barely a path, talk of lost husbands & helpers and lots of brambles & nettles. Underneath the railway bridge and we all emerged into a gently sloping field where we were treated to cooled refreshments once we reached the top. Cleopatra was the latecomer to the party, Well Laid was the hostess with the mostess, Whiplash was skirting around the edges, Hash Quack & Get Down Shep we're hoping for a quick getaway whilst Shirley was reprimanding Crossdresser & Shag for their party tricks. Over the road and into a field where a dodgy stile & a Demon Dog clashed, resulting in a Game Bird flapping her wings. On on to the next picturesque spot: a beautiful old building, a quaint bridge over the babbling brook and the lesser spotted Whiplash perching high on the tree stump on one leg (?!?) Of course, the tranquility was soon broken by the sparring of Shag & Crossdresser as their competing to be alpha male got a little out of hand! Just around the next corner was the best surprise: I just couldn't resist having a bounce; Crossdresser tried (but failed) to catapult me off, although the expired farm animal below ensured we didn't stay too long! The final HH back near civilisation saw Doggy Fashion get excited about the sweets whilst the Pro got excited about certain erections. We rounded Astbury Hall, apparently the home of a certain rock star, for which Wrong had some details that were swiftly misconstrued before he was almost violated on the golf course. I don't think he minded really. The photo at the gate at the other end of the course caused even more hilarity and some posing from Game Bird, Cleopatra & Crossdresser. Game Bird was the only one to adopt the Irish accent, whilst the others adopted some cheesey grins! The final stile and a slightly chaotic dash up the road back to the on-lay-by. A quick change & to the on inn for a rather posh tea for a Thursday. The yin and yang of hashes, with some beautiful scenery interspersed with various rotting creatures, and some very dense undergrowth plus the neatest fairways ever seen - well done Well Laid! Down downs: Crossdresser awarded a down down and the very special Well Laid Best Hash Ever award to Well Laid for her best hash ever as it was the hash that had everything, including a dead sheep under a trampoline! Bushwacker for driving the Boulder Mobile and competing in the Wacky Races; the Pro & the Amateur for being Rock & Gravel the new Slag brothers; Game Bird & Shirley for reprimanding the naughty boys (grumpy indeed) Just one last thing about the big house, was it owned by someone from Deep Purple? Ozzy from Black Sabbath? Or Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath? Only Game Bird could ask who is.... Tony O'Holy??? (Rumour has it, he's in Boyzone & has a Twitter account, hasn't he Crossdresser?) Hot Lips x Next week: Kinver Edge, DY7 6HX NB Postcode approximate, park between the Warden's house & the farm shop Picnic afterwards - food offers to Dr Whiplash

Cleobury Mortimer Sports & Social Club

Hash 316

Date: Thursday 10th July
Venue: Cleobury Mortimer Sports & Social Club
Food: a spectacular spread courtesy of Game Bird's mum
Beers: who knows or cares, the food was amazing
Hare: Game Bird
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Game Bird's GB trials (& tribulations...)

Another great turn out for yet another beautiful summer evening's hash. There were numerous fluorescent orange t-shirts, plenty of blue & green WFH3 t-shirts and an abundance of our four-legged friends too.

Game Bird had set the trail but it became evident she had recruited help from her fellow GB team mate Hash Quack and also from Bubbles who seemed to be on a busman's holiday rather than employing any coaching duties. Once some sort of order had been called and we had been briefed, we were sent off to check it out.

Bristols and Say No More were spotted dashing energetically way out across the first field only to be called back to the pack, whilst Dr Jeckyll appeared to be running the trail backwards.

The local dog walkers were both confused and bemused by the sight of such a rabble, although they all waited patiently for us to pass by.
Shirley and I were content to trot on gently in this heat, whilst the usual FRBs sprinted on ahead.

Bubbles tried (successfully I might add) to put us off the scent of the trail and we duly followed (on more than one occasion!) The Amateur had thought our hash had been sabotaged at one point, only to realise that our legs were being pulled. Hash Quack seemed to be enjoying her unusual rear position, whilst Bubbles couldn't help but create chaos & confusion and he was loving it!

Half of the hash climbed to the top of one rather large hill only to be called back down again. Instant Whip still ran the wrong way up the hill but this was just to be reunited with her lover boy.

The 1st HH promised a dip in the water but most of us found the high & dry path. Shag and Cinderella made a bit of a splash but Annie dog was the only one who took full advantage of the aqua event, whilst the rest of us waited for the contents of the rucksack to be shared. The fruit pastilles were shared out & the chocolate eclairs were distributed by Dr Whiplash in an unusual fashion.

Our elite GB athletes remained in control at the back whilst some prompting was required to keep the rest of the hash moving. The Amateur, Dr Jeckyll & Golden Shower did actually keep moving but the rest of us seemed to have planned a summer evening dawdle!

Clodhopper had his hands on the chocolates at the next hash halt, Wrong was caught watering the plants, whilst Bushwacker was looking forward to his birthday booze...

The final bit of the beautiful countryside was hashed before appearing back out onto the road: Doggy Fashion says she loves it when she know where she is! HH3 and some more chocolates & Tangfastics amongst the floral display before heading back to the on inn. The best hash ever, tonight, followed by the best hash nosh too!

Down downs: awarded by Shag to Game Bird for her wonderful hash; Game Bird's mum for her fantastic food, plus an honourary naming for her: Mrs Kipling; down downs & happy birthdays were sung to Tits or Treats, who doesn't always come to run but certainly comes for a cake (especially that cake!); and also to Bushwacker for his coming of age; Dr Jeckyll for finding the on in far too soon & finally to Well Laid for sitting on the fence.

Hot Lips x

Next week: Lay by on B455, close to Severn Valley Railway bridge, coming out of Bridgnorth WV16 6AU
(Postcode is nearest only)

Prompt start required, then afterwards at the Swan Inn, KnowleSandshttp://www.swaninnbridgnorth.com/

Please let Well Laid know your menu choices ASAP, thanks!