The Angel, Stourport

#  231

Date: Thursday 13^th December 2012

Venue: The Angel, Stourport

Food: The best Christmas dinner ever!  Turkey / beef / veggie dinner with all the trimmings + Lassie’s mince pies + Game Bird’s giant Xmas cupcake

Beer: Banks’s mild & bitter, Sunbeam, Thatcher’s scrumpy cider & Strongbow

Hares: Hash Quack (live) plus help from Get Down Shep

Virgins: Claire & Gary & 2 other girls!

Visitors: none

Trail: Wow! An excellent turn out for tonight’s Christmas lights hash.  A sparkly Christmas fairy, a twinkling Christmas tree and plenty more Christmas lights, tinsel and a few baubles set off down the river, with a little confusion at the start, causing us all to run around in circles before picking up the right trail.   Once we got going, the beautifully illuminated trail of hashers was really a sight to behold on this cold & frosty evening.  We thought we may have lost a couple at the first HH (at least we still had the virgins) but maybe there’d been a miscalculation at the start…?  Oh well, back down the river, to the marina and out onto Sandy Lane where a few thought they’d try to see how many hashers they could get into a phone box (they’re crazy and they know it).  Across onto Hartlebury Common, where the sandy, hilly terrain ensured we knew who’s trail this was!  Back down past the old power station and to the on inn for the best meal of the year!  Merry Christmas all!!

Down downs: Hash Quack for being the live hare and keeping this chilly run to a reasonable distance (it MUST be Christmas!); Virgins: Claire & Gary (for not getting lost); Lassie for his dessert contribution; Tits or Treats for her new floss and also for only realising this was a live trail on the way back; Hard On for his new boxers; Sponge Bob for the best fancy dress (Christmas Pirate!); Chase the Rainbow for his admission of his hatred for sprouts and tonight’s rustling in the leaves, earning him the new festive name “Russell Sprouts!”

Hot Lips x

Next week: Black Boy Wyre Hill, Bewdley (no dressing up)

The Steps House, Stourport

# 230

Date: Thursday 6^th December

Pub: The Steps House, Stourport

Food: off the menu

Beer: Bathams bitter, Guinness,  Stowford Press cider

Hares: Shag & Tits or Treats

Virgins: none

Visitors: none

Trail: This pub has the steepest, smallest car park meaning parking was a feat in itself! But despite this and the rainy conditions (again), about 20 or so hashers and a few of the usual canines dressed to impress in their red dresses and tinsel boas.  Starting off with the steep uphill climb behind the pub and into town to dazzle along with the Xmas lights (& causing lots of tooting).  More checks than spots caused a little confusion at times but we somehow managed to stay together, getting to the 1st HH down at the riverside park.  Too much rain to hang around, so lip gloss was reapplied and we were off again, up the steps onto the bridge and down towards Areley Kings, where we were treated to Bucks fizz and beer at the 2^nd HH.  Heading back towards the Dunley road, crossing over and onto the Walshes estate, where anything could happen… and it did…  A marked police car singled Copulation out and kerb-crawled him, finally pulling him (over).  Was it the backless dress?  Was it the amount of flesh on show on this cold, cold night? Or was it just a case of WTFs going on?  And so, let off on a caution (heels rather than flats, obviously) he rejoined the rest of us to make our way, rather uneventfully, around the rest of the estate.  Another 2 HHs with plenty more sweets, then back down along the river, crossing the one and only bridge in Stourport (honest gov), past the funfair and back to the on inn.

Down downs: awarded, rather appropriately, by Crossdresser (tonight’s stand in RA) to the hares for their great hash, almost only laid in checks and their domestic regarding the bridge over the river Severn; honourable mentions on the dressing up to Hard On (irresistible?) and Wrong who caused a bit of a stir back at the on inn but down downs for Slim boy Fat who’s outfit resulted in a bit of moob chafing and Copulation who’s saucy outfit resulted in being pulled (over) by a copper! Namings: Phil, now known as The Fiddler, for telling people he’s in a job where he plays with it… oh, IT! And James, who ate almost his own bodyweight in skittles, resulting in him being named Chase the Rainbow.  More down downs for Game Bird for NOT getting engaged but being a homewrecker (?); Legover for his Saturday night out 2^nd only date – he’s not called Legover for nothing y’know! Eamon for his 1^st ever hash when he’s not driving so he’s drinking (and he;s desperate) and finally (because there was one left over) for Lassie for turning up in his uniform…

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Angel, Stourport (food order to Lassie via link on website asap)

This Saturday: Bikini & Bermudas party at Brookfield House, 7.30pm (children welcome)

The Talbot, Cleobury Mortimer followed by food at Ron Hill, CM

#228

Date: Thursday, 29^th November 2012

Pub: The Talbot, Cleobury Mortimer (Rendezvous only).  Food at Game Bird’s Mum’s house

Food: Choice of soups with bread followed bycheesecake , Apple & Blackberry crumble & custard

Beer: Bring your own

Hares: Game Bird & Bristols

Virgins, Visitors: None

Trail: Some on-road stretches, but mainly a combination of frozen or muddy ground set with flour – just under four miles long. Fears that the bitterly cold weather might deter even the hardiest of hashers from taking on Game Bird’s challenge were soon dispelled with the turn-out of some 20 at the RV.

And talking of game, it looked as if a wild animal had escaped from the nearby West Midland Safari Park until closer inspection revealed the unmistakeable figure of Wrong fetchingly attired in a swanky Tigger costume. “It’ll keep me warm,” Wrong assured us. More about his “chaffing” later.

Equally fetching was the sight of Annie the Labrador adorned in a luminous yellow tummy warmer plus collar with red flashing lights. Just the job to avoid collisions with black, unlit doggies in the dark.

Off we cantered in search of the first blob of flour, grateful for an initial run of tarmac to get into our stride and warm up our freezing frames.  Three hash halts and plenty of squelchy mud later, we were climbing back up towards the Cleobury high street and a quick change in the Talbot car park before heading on to the welcome warmth of Game Bird’s Mum’s abode.

“Mum” had put on a selection of three steamingly delicious soups – chicken, carrot and leek & potato – with a choice of cheesecake and home-made fruit crumble to follow.  Most had both!  To the hungry hashers, it all went down a treat – a fitting occasion to celebrate the birthday of Dr Whiplash, who made short work of blowing out his candles on the cheesecake.

The only complaint came from “Tigger” Wrong, about the chaffing from the clinging cat-suit still stubbornly affixed to his body.  Offers to inspect the affected anatomy were politely declined!  No complaints, commendably, from a sporting Declan when a couple of pranksters (briefly) hid his fish-and-chips while he was fetching drinks.

Many thanks to Game Bird for guiding us in from the cold so expertly with her flour trail. And not least a big thank you to her Mum for warming us up with the perfect meal.

Down downs were awarded by to the Hares for an excellent hash, and to Tiigger, I mean wrong for his chaffing or was it his outfit. Finally to Hard on for selling on his red dress to Legover  with no hint of embarrassment, ready for next weeks hash!

Get Down Shep        Guest blogger 

 

Next week: The Steps on Gilgal, Stourport Red dress and tinsle boa hash

The Cock and Magpie, Bewdley

# 227

Date: Thursday 22^nd November 2012

Pub: The Cock and Magpie, Bewdley

Food: posh fish and chips

Beer: Cockerhoop, EPA, Guinness, Strongbow, Kronenburg, Stella

Hare(s): Doggy Fashion and Dr Whiplash

Virgins: none

Visitors: none

Trail: Wet, wet, wet!  It was amazing anybody turned up at all this evening as the torrential rain hammered down, leaving us all wondering if there would actually be a trail to follow.  All we really wanted to do was skip the run & head straight to the on inn but we were rallied round by Father Christmas’s positive spirit as she got us all watching the beauty of the rain splashing up from the car park in the car headlights…                                                                                                   Nevertheless, 16 hashers and Demon Dog (looking more like drowned rat) bravely set off following the falsies until one of the hares finally identified the correct trail.  Along the river, up to Bark Hill and to the first HH, where Game Bird was ribbed for her lack of refreshments and for hiding her assets.  Winding down through the streets and alleyways where some paths were certainly slippery when wet and the Amateur got into a bit of a scrape.  An impromptu HH to make sure we all made it, then back down, past Ribbesford church and down to the next HH under the bypass, where Bewdley Bill’s artwork was – ahem – admired.  This would have been a lovely trail but the inclement weather finally beat us resulting in everyone shortcutting back along the river to the on inn.

Down downs: awarded by stand-in RA, Shag, to the hares: the dog & the doc, who’s drinks were also romantically attached; Father Christmas for only coming once a year (although she pointed out that she’d actually already come twice this year!); then there were nominations for the final down down: 1) Hard On for his on inn entertinment – he’s sexy and he knows it (???); 2) Tits or Treats for taking a pee under the HH bridge;  3) Game Bird for what she had tucked in her knickers and 4) Hot Lips for her Bridget Jones fiasco – Hot Lips got the down down.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Talbot, Cleobury Mortimer (food at Game Bird’s mum’s afterwards - BYO drinks please)

This Sunday  25^th November, 11am, The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath, joint hash with Oxford HHH (families welcome too)

Eagle & Serpent, Kinlet

#226

Eagle & Serpent, Kinlet

Food: Chilli and jackets, or cheesy beans and jackets

Ale: Hobsons Mild, Hobsons Town Crier, Enville Ale, Robertsons Cider, a dry martini (shaken not stirred) for Berto

Hares: The Amateur & Penelope Pitstop

Another muddy Hash

There was an undefinable tension in the air as the hashers met at The Eagle & Serpent. Was it the return of Troll? Was it the mysterious disappearance of Penelope Pitstop after laying the trail with The Amateur? Or was it something else…….love maybe?

As the intrepid hashers set off, with the hollow words 'it's only about 4 miles' ringing in their ears, several whispered conversations tried to establish what was going on. Rumours circulated, and it seemed as though love was definitely in the air…..but who was it? Despite a number of people being in the frame, it turns out it was only The Gift Who Keeps On Giving…..namely Berto AKA Hard on! He'd only been pimping himself out.

Ladies, for £250 (what a bargain), you can have yourself an evening out with the pride of Clown Hill, the Italian Stallion, the one and only Berto. He won't touch, he'll be a gent, and he's a spitting image of Robbie Williams. Who could ask for more?! Crossdresser and Shag were heard to mutter bitterly, that if could get £250, they were surely good for £300! Sounds both optimistic and jealous.

Anyway, it's fair to say that all this love talk pre-occupied the hash, (apart from Shag, who was too busy be bagging Wrong) keeping it's collective mind off the knee deep mud, testing terrain and holes filled with sharpened sticks. Some tried feebly to determine where Penelope was tied up, but gave up fairly quickly. Wet Wipe tried to keep his trainers clean, Tits or Treats tried to stay on her feet and Troll realised it was nothing like Battersea Park!

BTW, it turns out Berto was lying about the £250! He did it for free, probably just in case he got the opportunity to show off his waxed torso!

Down Downs: The Amateur for an outstanding hash, Troll for leaving that London behind and getting his shoes dirty, Tits or Treats for a 2 1Ž2 tucked somersault, Wrong for allowing himself to be undressed by Shag

Crossdresser        Guest blogger

Three Crowns & Sugar loaf, Kidderminster

Where's Wally fancy dress Hash

We found Wally!

# 225

Date: Thursday 8^th November

Pub: The Three Crowns and Sugar Loaf, Kidderminster

Food: off the menu

Beer: Banks’s, Sneck Lifter, Ringwood, 49er, Strongbow cider

Hares: Cinderella & Darth Radar

Virgins: Phil, James & Jordan

Visitors: Carina

Trail: over 25 Wallys, Wendas, Oddlaws and Woofs (sadly, no Wizard Whitebeards) for tonights Where’s Wally hash, laid by the youngsters in a where’s the flour theme!  We all missed Doggy Fashion & Tit or Treats hiding in the car park and off we set down towards Franche, with a twisty-turny route onto Wilton Avenue and back out onto the Franche road and into the White Wickets field for the first HH, where we didn’t have to find Wally’s key or Wenda’s camera but we did have a few sweets.  Next, up towards the Briars, through Ferndale and onto the cornfields for the 2^nd HH; again, we didn’t have to find Wizard Whitebeard’s scroll or Oddlaw’s binoculars but had some more sweets and some fizz.  Up to Low Habberley and into Habberley Valley, where it really was a case of where’s the flour!  To Peckett’s rock for the 3^rd HH, where everyone actually stopped this evening!  We didn’t have to look for Woof’s bone but one of our virgins was caught looking for his clothes.  Out of the valley, cutting back down below the golf course, down to the Bridgnoth Road & back to the on inn.

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Cinderella and Darth Radar for their wonderful hash – thanks kids! To our virgins, Phil & James, and also to Jordan for turning up in dayglow laces, relieving himself in public and then asking the RA for wet wipes back at the on inn, therefore earning him the name “Wet Wipe;” for the 2 birthday boys: Clodhopper & Who’s the Daddy; and for Game Bird to show our appreciation for her clever cup cakes (next week’s creation might need certification…)

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Eagle and Serpent, Kinlet. Wear off road shoes!!!

Who's the Daddy in his birthday suit!

Birthday cup cakes for birthday boys
 Clodhopper and Who's the Daddy

The Greyhound,Norton

# 224

Date: Thursday 1^st November 2012

Pub: The Greyhound, Stourbridge

Food: off the menu

Beer: Jennings, Banks’s Bitter, Guinness, Strongbow, Bulmers

Hares: Cleopatra, Hot Lips & Windy Miller

Virgins: Just Kate

Visitors: Rank & Jamie

Well it is Halloween and we're laying the Hash.
 OUR HASHERS LOVE A BIT OF MUD!!

Trail: mud, mud and a bit more mud for this Trick or Treat spectacular!  A wonderful turnout of 30 Halloween hashers, (almost) all dressed up as spooky skeletons, ghastly ghouls and wicked witches for a 4-miler around the Staffordshire countryside (the 1^st trick).  Starting off with a daring dash down Racecourse lane before getting off road.  Some lovely lanes and fields to the first 2 HH’s with lots of spooky sweets too but afterwards, the trail just got muddier & muddier.  A curfew back at the on inn caused panic at the 3^rd HH with the whole hash shortcutting back for tea – boo!  Lovely Halloween cupcakes for Lassie’s birthday – thanks Game Bird!

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to the 3 Halloween hares; Hash Quack for the best Halloween costume; Just Kate, the virgin; our special guest, Den; Torchy the Battery Boy for losing a shoe in the deepest mud; and finally, to Just Andrea, for turning up to a hash last December, falling & injuring her ankle, not to be seen again until now; therefore earning herself a christening: Father Christmas.

Mentions: The husband & wife combo turning up to a fancy dress hash with one in the best costume and the other in no costume at all!  Worst “costume” therefore goes to Get Down Shep & also to Well Laid.  The “terrible trio” had a few scary treats for Doggy Fashion at the on inn; spit-washing, tights and leopard print boxers???  Hmmm. 

…And was it really a full moon out there or was Doggy Fashion lighting the way with her newly-polished gnashers?

Hot Lips x

After the REALLY muddy bit! Conspiracy amongst the hares!!
" ...I nearly had to leave Hot Lips and Windy Miller behind!"

Next week: The Three Crowns & Sugar Loaf, Kidderminster – Where’s Wally fancy dress

Hares needed for future trails please! Please let Clodhopper know if you can lay one

Copulation would like to do the Berlin marathon – please let him know if you are interested too.  He would also like a group skiing trip to be arranged for the first week in February 2013 – again, please let him know if you are interested.