The Ancient Sher E Punjab, Combertonium Hill, the main Roman road out of Kidderminium (near the historic steam railway)

Hash 341 (CCCXLI)

Date: Thursday 8th January 2015 AD (VIII/I/MMXV)
Venue: The Ancient Sher E Punjab, Combertonium Hill, the main Roman road out of Kidderminium (near the historic steam railway)
Beers: Cobra
Food: poppadoms & chosen main course
Live hare: Crossus Dresserus
Visitors/virgins: Cinderella & Michelle

Trail: Crossdresser's magical mystery & history tour of the Roman settlement of Kidderminium

Salve!

What an exciting occasion this is! The message was out, we were all to meet outside the ancient ruin of Tesco on Combertonium Hill for Game Birda to enlighten us with tonight's hash rules. A bona fide live hare - hashus mirabilis!

About 20 gathered round, exchanging Annum Faustum wishes, chattering about holidays and plans for this coming annum. Some had spied some new footwear but instead the glory was taken with Dr Jeckyll's new found facts that bees are attracted to purple and yellow flowers and that moths are attracted to white or heavily scented flowers - amazing!

Who's the Daddius finally introduced Game Birda, the rules were explained, food orders were taken and we were sent off in search of the trail - felicitas!

Starting off through the cherry orchard, the little known Kidderminium garden of fruits, leading up to the colossal architecture of Offmore road, another Roman road through the settlement. A little confusion around these parts but the sight of public buildings beckoned and we found our way along Lorne Street, Villiers Street and heading towards Combertonium Road, where it is told that the more majestic of the buildings are equipped with under-floor heating systems known as hypocausts.

Ascending Hill Grove Crescent where the monumental architecture could be observed and the chatterings of many excitable hashers could be heard.

Towards the footbridge over the modern railway, near the Victorian steam railway and to the first HH where we were most surprised to be lavished with juicy sweets. A quick pit stop before heading upwards towards the games stadium where hordes of spectators still gather most weekends.

Down to another Roman road where chariots pass, finding the love chair and a chance for a photo opportunity. Down again to the mosaic-tiled walls of the underpass, with its brightly coloured murals and frescos. Here we met up with the hare who couldn't wait to run his course again!

Through the lower town of Kidderminium, past the museum of carpet, running now with a backdrop of Victorian buildings. The abundance of underwater pools helped make the township famous for its carpet industry during the 19th and 20th centuries.

To the 2nd HH at the historic Watermill, up through Brintons park and gardens where Kidderminium's finest yoots were on hand to guide us along the right path back out again, along a road of more very grand buildings and towards where the Roman public baths once welcomed the people of Kidderminium.

Another hurried hash halt (Who's the Daddius was wanting his tea), past the old Victorian hospital, back towards the town and the grand church of St Mary's, past the beautiful buildings in church street to the modern part of town where the modern health service crisis was under Great Clodhoppus' review.

Past the Glades Colosseum in all its glory, down to Ye Olde Boar's Head Taphouse, picking up the trail for the on inn, taking us back through the mosaic-walled underpass and to the end of the 6 mile run on terra firma.

Emma's achievement of being one of the first back, just behind Dr Whiplash, is to be congratulated - this is one of her first runs - bene!

Pre-dinner drinks were held in the Weavers Real Ale bar, dinner was served after 9 at the Sher E Punjab Indian Restaurant.

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to himself for his admodum bonum hash - he's more than happy with mediocre 
The Pimp for his zebra print leggings - obviously in tribute to the local safari park - another of Kidderminium's attractions 
Frosty the neon gnome who was obviously wearing all of his new Christmas running gear! 
Hot Lips who wouldn't let it lie that she'd left the Christmas hash without her secret Santa prezzie, only to be rewarded with a book to help with preventing any noticeable excitement whilst in the communal Roman baths 
Cleopatra for spoiling the surprise 
Dr Jeckyll for his amazing facts - we expect one each week 😇
And finally to the Amateur for actually recognising and knowing the drummer from T'Pau !!!! 

Vale!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Admiral Rodney, Berrow Green, WR6 6PL

The Laurels, Cutnall Green

Hash 338

Date: Thursday 11th December 2014
Venue: The Laurels, Cutnall Green
Beers: BYO
Food: a homemade 4 course meal! Parsnip soup, cottage pie & fish pie, cheese & fresh dates, rocky road & caramel crispie cakes - yummy!
Hare: Kinky Boots
Visitors/virgins: Michelle

Trail: Kinky Boots' muddy shoes hash for Greensleeves' sticky fingers birthday

Everyone was very excited for Kinky Boots' inaugural hash. About 20 or so dancing around in the cold on the drive, about half of them so excited they needed a pre-hash wee (or maybe they just wanted s sneaky peek at Kinky Boots's house).

Virgin Michelle, who had been picked up by the Amateur on Kinver Edge last week, seemed quite unfazed at the prospect of running around in the dark with us although she did seem to be missing her pooch.

We were told to keep away from the road so we did and it wasn't long before we were right in the thick of it. That's right, thick muddy furrowed fields. We loved it didn't we? So much so we covered the same piece of land (mud) 3 or 4 times over.

The Amateur had a close encounter with a stile resulting in some breezy britches whilst Crossdresser was still howling at the thought of losing his shoes (or one of the smaller hashers).

Some boggy hash halts with a nice variety of sweets, some great long falsies too - although I think we were all just following one another around like sheep.

A clever twist (& an unknowing decoy) sent everyone sprawling in all directions only to be called back on on across yet another prickly bog.

Back across the deep furrows yet again and some disbelieving cries of "not this again!" A little bit of Tarmac, down the back alley, past the Stirrups and back to the on inn - hurrah!

Despite the mud, everyone had a wonderful run, Greensleeves did her victory run past everyone on our way back, no one was lost and the hare remained looking as elegant as ever before becoming the hostess with the mostess serving up a feast fit for 20 kings and queens - amazing.

Down downs: awarded by an almost speechless Crossdresser to Kinky Boots, Greensleeves, Will & Julian for their wonderful hash and hospitality
Genital Reminder for showing Dr Whiplash how not to fall then succumbing to the mire himself good & proper later on
Dr Whiplash for not heeding the advice & looking like Bambi on ice
Clodhopper gets the our tune award for going away on his holidays & leaving half of his family behind.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath - Christmas hash

The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath

Hash 339 Xmas Hash

Date: Thursday 18th December 2014
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Beers: lots I'm sure!
Food: Christmas dinner & mince pies
Hare: The Amateur
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: the Christmas lights hash
AKA the "should we stay or should we go?"
AKA the "Where the Fox is the Tally Ho?" hash

3 of us were late for the start of the hash but we were determined to be there never the less. We turned up at 1st HH to emptiness...

We called but heard no replies. We could occasionally hear some shouting or see some lights but our own light signals were not answered. We did talk of just going straight to the pub but we'd actually made an effort to adorn ourselves with Xmas lights so it was a shame not to show them off.

Leg Over rang someone to find they were already at HH2 so we got back in the car & headed off to the Tally Ho. As we arrived at the Tally Ho, we found the hashers heading off away from us - could we catch them or should we just give up & go to the pub? No, we're here now so we'll get cracking.

The Amateur waited for us and it wasn't long before we caught everyone else up. It was lovely to see so many twinkling hashers! We squelched through some fields wishing we had just gone to the pub, our feet sinking into cold muddy puddles before reaching HH3 at Kerby-Collins' farm where we were warmed with mulled wine. Game Bird squealed at Scuffer whilst the new puppy was a hit (although I'm not so sure about his name...?)

The Pimp was telling stories about his own version of Christmas knock door sing prompting ideas of a Christmas Carols hash next year (if we remember), then gave us a lesson in Aussie lingo as we set out up the drive.

Dr Whiplash was way out ahead but returned after finding nothing. The rest of us had followed over the stile, come back over it, climbed the stile again as instructed by the Pro, only to meet up with the others down the road! The Pro assured us she knew the way but Who's the Daddy had his doubts.

Luckily, we were almost done - the benefit of turning up late! A welcome bit of country road (& no more mud!) before finding the on inn. I thought I had seen Bushwacker in a tux on the car park (& blamed the lights) but found it was actually the welcoming committee: Shag, Crossdresser & Doggy Fashion. I don't think Cleopatra will recover from her first entry... although saying that, she did go back again!

Lovely Christmas dinner, courtesy of the the Fox Inn & lovely mince pies, courtesy of Bristols.

The after dinner ceremonies of down downs were awarded by Crossdresser, Shag and their glamorous assistant Doggy Fashion to:
Clodhopper for being the best "who's who" lookalike
Hot Lips & Cleopatra for our Barbara Cartland blogging
Genital Reminder for his fur & feathers
Dr Whiplash won the Mediocre Hash Award
The best photo award goes to Doggy Fashion for her birthday bum feeling
The Doug peanut-head award goes to Leg Over
And the Diplomacy award goes to Bushwacker...?!

I think there were more awards but unfortunately we had to be back for the babysitters - sorry!

(And if there was a spare secret Santa prezzie left over...?)

Hot Lips x

Hashy Christmas everyone!

Boxing Day run
The Cross Keys, Suckley, WR6 5DJ, 11am

Next hash:  Thursday 1st January 2015, 2.30pm Family Hash
Brookfield House, Wolverley, DY11 5QP

#340 BEST FAMILY HASH EVER!!

#340 BEST FAMILY HASH EVER!!

Date: Thursday 1st January 2015
Date: Thursday 1st January 2015

Venue: Clodhopper's house

Beers: Advocaat and Lilt
Food: Lots! Beef stew, sausages and mash, Christmas cake and Stilton, trifle, crumble, oat biscuits...
Hare: Clodhopper
Virgins: Davenport cuzzies Grace and Jacob

Trail:
It was such a treat to set off in daylight at the earlier time of 2.30pm. Nice to see Cinderella and Darth Radar again as well as welcoming some newbies.

Also present: The Pro, The Amateur and Bushwacker, Copulation along with Gobstopper and Eagle Eyes, The Pimp brought his crazy leggings, Dr Whiplash with Emma and her mate, Doggy Fashion, Shag, Who's the Daddy, Legover, me and my two.

It was a lovely 4 mile trail of sawdust through familiar territory with plenty of hash halts. Although it was mild, there were a few icy puddles, which provided entertainment for Shag and the hashlings. Poor Shag was injured by flying razor sharp ice as he held it up for kicking - don't try this at home, kids.

Another lovely hash laid by Clodhopper but it was nothing compared to the entertainment and hospitality afterwards!

The Clodhoppers had had a New Year's Eve Ceilidh the night before and had covered the pool with a dance floor. While the men shouted and undid bolts and screws and shouted and slid the frames off the pool and shouted a bit more, the children and dog were swimming underneath or swinging on the trapeze...I nearly had a nosebleed just watching it all.

A proper feast was laid out for us once we had dried off. Those Starkies really spoilt us, thank you!

Down downs:
Shag raided the drinks cabinet and found some ancient Advocaat.
Clodhopper and Hopscotch were awarded for their amazing hospitality.
There was a bit of a Frozen theme too...
Shag for cutting his head on the ice
thanks to Grace and Gobstopper, and there were namings for Jacob the Karate Kid and Grace is now Elsa.
The Pimp also had some for those spectacular leggings and Bushwhacker for his OTT  reaction to the Advocaat with a sick bowl at the ready.

Happy New Year!

Cleopatra x

Next week: dunno

The Constitutional Club, Kinver ( Dr Whiplash 40th birthday Hash)

Next week: The Laurels, Kidderminster Road, Cutnall Green, WR9 0PW

Greensleeves' birthday hash

Hash 337 The Constitutional Club, Kinver

(Insert Whiplash's part of the blog here... Or maybe somewhere else!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Dr Whiplash for being the "big cheese" birthday boy - is he over the hill? There's certainly been some hills involved tonight!
Emma, our Virgin runner who had helped the big cheese lay the trail and had apparently been on hill taming duty
The "our tune" award goes to Hot Lips who didn't really want to be out on a school night, found out it wasn't a school night after all, then ended up letting it all go - unable to face it, her down down was driven down Bushwacker - well, without Sprout, he needed something!
Genital Reminder - the gift that keeps on giving - rabbits? Seriously?
Lassie for not living up to his name as instead of bringing everyone home he led them up the wrong path
And finally, Dr Whiplash awarded the last one to Crossdresser for having the best hat!

Lovely meal back at the on inn (there was a long wait for lasagne... that turned out to be a steak pie - result!)
Venn & Sven diagrams were used
A round of "happy birthday to you!" and some of Game Bird's lovely birthday cake, washed down with whichever of the many beers takes your fancy (I'm still on the soft drinks)

The final HH was amazing up at the look out point (see Tony's photo) with Whiplash's very own mini bar, although he declined to down them all himself (he's a sensible lad, unlike some...)

If anyone thinks being over 40 is over the hill, you're not wrong. Especially between 7 and 9 on a Thursday night. One of the hills was so steep that we were in danger of face-planting into each other's arses (or maybe that was just someone's fantasy?)

Running around Kinver Edge, off and back on again. Many twists and turns, lots of mud, lots of ups and downs (& we were assured we had the tamed route) and lots of hash halts with lots of Haribo & jelly babies to aid recovery.

And so, off we went, although Tony & Katie sloped back off to the car park. It was always going to start with a hill wasn't it? Say No More was a keen FRB tonight and Tony & Katie rejoined the party.

We finally managed to scrape just under 20 hashers & Demon Dog, got the low down from the big cheese - oh yeah, it's gonna be one of those hashes again tonight. Doggy Fashion (& myself actually) were remembering the pleasantries of the picnic but what Whiplash really meant was that he'd been making his own rules up again.

It was a slow start and could easily have been the smallest hash ever but a few more renditions of ham eggs chips & peas and meat lasagne and a few more folk braved this chilly winters evening. The hats theme was a brilliant idea!

There was a cafuffle at the start as new barriers were found on the car park but the boys had ways of sorting those. The big cheese arrived, armed with the menu, and Crossdresser broke into song: Ham, egg, chips & peas, chips & peas!

Since Dr Whiplash started the blog before the hash and Who's the Daddy thinks it gets written beforehand anyway (!) I thought I'd write it backwards (in a way), just because I can, good luck!

Hot Lips x

(Insert Whiplash's part of the blog here... Or maybe somewhere else!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Dr Whiplash for being the "big cheese" birthday boy - is he over the hill? There's certainly been some hills involved tonight!
Emma, our Virgin runner who had helped the big cheese lay the trail and had apparently been on hill taming duty
The "our tune" award goes to Hot Lips who didn't really want to be out on a school night, found out it wasn't a school night after all, then ended up letting it all go - unable to face it, her down down was driven down Bushwacker - well, without Sprout, he needed something!
Genital Reminder - the gift that keeps on giving - rabbits? Seriously?
Lassie for not living up to his name as instead of bringing everyone home he led them up the wrong path
And finally, Dr Whiplash awarded the last one to Crossdresser for having the best hat!

Lovely meal back at the on inn (there was a long wait for lasagne... that turned out to be a steak pie - result!)
Venn & Sven diagrams were used
A round of "happy birthday to you!" and some of Game Bird's lovely birthday cake, washed down with whichever of the many beers takes your fancy (I'm still on the soft drinks)

The final HH was amazing up at the look out point (see Tony's photo) with Whiplash's very own mini bar, although he declined to down them all himself (he's a sensible lad, unlike some...)

If anyone thinks being over 40 is over the hill, you're not wrong. Especially between 7 and 9 on a Thursday night. One of the hills was so steep that we were in danger of face-planting into each other's arses (or maybe that was just someone's fantasy?)

Running around Kinver Edge, off and back on again. Many twists and turns, lots of mud, lots of ups and downs (& we were assured we had the tamed route) and lots of hash halts with lots of Haribo & jelly babies to aid recovery.

And so, off we went, although Tony & Katie sloped back off to the car park. It was always going to start with a hill wasn't it? Say No More was a keen FRB tonight and Tony & Katie rejoined the party.

We finally managed to scrape just under 20 hashers & Demon Dog, got the low down from the big cheese - oh yeah, it's gonna be one of those hashes again tonight. Doggy Fashion (& myself actually) were remembering the pleasantries of the picnic but what Whiplash really meant was that he'd been making his own rules up again.

It was a slow start and could easily have been the smallest hash ever but a few more renditions of ham eggs chips & peas and meat lasagne and a few more folk braved this chilly winters evening. The hats theme was a brilliant idea!

There was a cafuffle at the start as new barriers were found on the car park but the boys had ways of sorting those. The big cheese arrived, armed with the menu, and Crossdresser broke into song: Ham, egg, chips & peas, chips & peas!

Since Dr Whiplash started the blog before the hash and Who's the Daddy thinks it gets written beforehand anyway (!) I thought I'd write it backwards (in a way), just because I can, good luck!

Hot Lips x

The Camp House, Grimley

#335

Date: Thursday 20th November 2014
Pub: The Camp House, Grimley
Food: Chilli, rice and chips with iceberg  garnish or vegetable lasagne
Hares: Legover and helpers
Visitors/virgins: Lovely to see Angie, and I think The Pimp is no longer just a visitor.

Also present:
Game Bird
Dr Whiplash
Shag
Doggy Fashion
Who's the Daddy
Russell Sprout
The Pro
The Amateur
Hash Quack
Golden Showers
Bristols
Clodhopper and Jasper
Oh, and me!

Trail:
You had to be hardcore to venture out through the fog to the back of beyond for tonight's hash...there was a distinct drop in numbers, as well as in temperature, from last week. Game Bird thought it was appropriate to crack open the Lidl sweets while we gathered in the car park. Jasper soon warmed things up by attacking poor Hash Quack.

It took a while to find the flour, but at least everyone was nicely warmed up before heading off through the mist along the river towards Worcester. 

Eventually we headed right by a little bridge before climbing some steps to the first hash halt. 

There was some confusion as we set off again through Hallow because some hashers made the mistake of thinking I knew where I was going. Sorry, The Pimp. Legover was doing his job, luckily, and soon put us right. It looks different in the dark!

And I didn't deliberately turn off my torch. I honestly thought I was shining my light towards those poor guys who ran off half a mile the wrong way, instead of sneaking down the side of The Crown. We didn't lose anyone though. 

We carried on through some houses, Shag's dulcet tones contemplating the meaning of life, the universe etc.

After another hash halt it was mostly across fields and there was much calling back from front runners (Who's the Daddy)...despite the huge piles of flour on the fence posts...

While the hashers were checking it out in the wrong direction I thought I'd have a sneaky wee but Legover picked the wrong moment to turn around to tell me to switch my torch off, illuminating me, just as the hashers realised their error and came back...

Everyone found at least one of the On Inns and made it back for the best chilli and lasagne ever!

Down downs:
Briefly interrupted by the indoor shooters selling raffle tickets, but subsequently awarded by Doggy Fashion to: 
Legover for a lovely winter hash, and to me for helping, enlisting child slave labour on a school night and for weeing on my trainers. 
- There was a Tale of 2 Daves...Clodhopper was thought to be farting throughout the hash, but it turned out to be Jasper's extendable lead making all the noise. And to Who's the Daddy for calling back twice and switching off his torch to sneak up on unsuspecting hashers.
He also got caught up in Game Bird's bush🌳.

Ok, bye!

Cleopatra x
Next week: The Pavilion in the Park, Worcester. Plays With IT.

Bristols' 30th Birthday and Engagement to Golden Showers African Safari Hash!

#334 Bristols' 30th Birthday and Engagement to Golden Showers African Safari Hash!

Date: Thursday 13th November 2014
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Food: Hearty stew and chunky bread
Hares: Shag, Bristols, Golden Showers and Charlie the Demon Dog
Visitors/virgins: Ester, Clare and some of Bristols' mates whose names I've forgotten, sorry.

There was a very special announcement at the beginning of tonight's hash: Bristols and Golden Showers got engaged in Africa💕🐅!!!

The 25 or so hashers in African themed fancy dress gave a champagne toast to the happy couple. Controversially, some chose to run with an Ebola-protective-suits/masks spin on the African theme...just saying what happened; I won't judge.

I missed all this, and the beginning of the trail but I'm sure expectations were low as one of the hares had already broadcast that this was to be the worst hash ever. The puddles in the car park should have been an indicator of what was to come...

When Ester the virgin and I rocked up, three proper gentlemen had kindly waited for us: Legover, Shag and Ollie. We'd never have caught up otherwise and it would have been a rubbish first hash for Ester.

We ran at quite a pace to catch the others up, which we managed by the first hash halt. There was a rendition of Happy Birthday for Bristols and sparklers and fireworks courtesy of Legover. Oh, and loads of Lidl sweets. Did you collect the rubbish at 6am, Shag😇?

From then on, it was, as Crossdresser was to later describe, like the Battle of the Somme, which seemed appropriate with the 100 years' anniversary of the start of the First World War. Strictly speaking, the Battle of the Somme was 1916, but I'm just showing off because I know about these things.

We felt for the virgins, who were possibly regretting coming, not having been warned about extreme conditions. They battled on, across the fields, listening to the comforting tones of Shag's voice as he described Charlie's unfortunate incident with the barbed wire. Get well soon, Charlie!

There was a huge stash of beer, soft drinks and Lidl sweets at the second hash halt, just down the road from the pub. After consuming our body weight in faux Pinballs™, some of us felt it best to resist the temptation to follow the tarmac back to the On Inn.

We divided again at the very narrow path between a fence and a hedge, visions of barbed wire fresh in our minds. I overheard Bushwhacker and young Ollie talking about tractors (so cute), shortly before returning to the pub. We were joined by non-runners The Pro, the lovely Emma, Get Down Shep and Tits or Treats.

Also present and deserve a mention:
Game Bird, Doggy Fashion, Say No More, Plays With IT, Russell Sprout, The Amateur, Clodhopper and a well-behaved Jasper, Hash Quack, Dr Whiplash, The Pimp, Well Laid

Down downs:
Awarded by Crossdresser to hares Shag, Bristols and Golden Showers for their muddy hash, then in a slick manoeuvre to Bristols again for having a big birthday. We sang Happy Birthday and Doggy accused Legover of dragging her down before we moved smoothly on to the subject of the engagement. Gifts of a ball and chain, flowers and a shotgun were given out.
Crossdresser welcomed the virgins and would have given a down down to Clare for the best alligator costume but she did a runner.
Young Ollie got a pint of water for complaining to Tits or Treats that Uncle Shag never calls him .

Game Bird had made one of those amazing Guinness cakes.

Sorry if I've forgot anything or anyone. It's a big responsibility, you know.

Cleopatra x

Ps could somebody please confirm that I've got Stuart's hash name right?

Next week: Legover, venue TBC