Monday, 8 July 2013

The Old Waggon & Horses (last minute change)

# 261 

Date: Thursday 4th July 2013 
Pub: The Old Waggon & Horses (last minute change)
Beer: Bathams, Banks’s Bitter & Mild, Robinsons cider
Food: Scampi & chips / pie & chips / curry / cheesy chips & salad
Hare: Shag (another last minute change)
Virgins: Vyvyan (hope she survives this ok)
Visitors: none (probably for the best)

Trail: change of plan for RA’s birthday, she’s still ill, had forgotten to book the Black Boy so left Shag to be her knight in shining armour to save the day, book a new venue & lay the trail (and they say men can’t multi task!). A brief 3 miler tonight, laid very haphazardly in flour, with a few mishaps along the way…

A gloriously sunny summer evening, there was some confusion over the fancy dress but the few that did turn up ready for the Independence Day theme were excellent, particularly Sponge Bob who pounced out of the back of his van in his itsy bitsy teeny weeny American stars and stripes bikini! It was good to see his van looking a little tidier too – not too sure of the new addition tho…?

Wrong had his stateside pyjama bottoms and bandana on, the lovers had their matching stars & stripes t-shirts & wigs on, Shag sported his Joe Montana look, whilst Dr Whiplash remained in his work suit for a while too long, despite saying he was running… then somehow, Superman appeared! Game Bird made a welcome return this evening (long time no see) after gallivanting off to foreign climes chasing her Iron Man.

Anyway, we started out across the road and down the garden path to the first HH 30 seconds later at Doggy Fashion’s house, complete with Panache, a wonderful selection of birthday sweets and some borrowed birthday banners. In this heat, we can all do with a hash with this sort of an effort – run for a minute, then refreshments for 5.

We then said goodbye to DF here as she returned to her sick bed, then back out onto the road and up towards the safari park, crossing over and heading up the lane towards Rhydd Covert. Sponge Bob was getting plenty of attention from the passing traffic as he picked up the pace at the front, obviously feeling much more aerodynamic in his outfit. Some welcome shade down the sandy path down to the 2nd HH – no more refreshments so instead some posing for pictures.

Cinders (finally) picked up the next trail from here and we saw some of the mishaps with the flour that was spoken about at the start. Copulation was reluctant to follow Sponge Bob down a trail, trying to keep his reputation intact and Dr Whiplash was so far out in front we couldn’t really tell what he was shouting, so like sheep, we all followed… only to be called back… but we’d spotted a shortcut anyway!

The 3rd HH at the Devil’s Spittleful saw the hare at the front getting very excited about all the sweaty bodies arriving. Another quick pitstop (and no more sweets) and we were off down towards Bewdley. I stopped to admire the poppy fields but someone went one better and treated the spectators at the back to a treat, really living up to her name!

Across and down the Stourport Road, cutting down towards the river, with lots of checks but actually a straight path (so where did the hare get all his scratches from?) All the way to Beale’s Corner and some concern over the markings – was it flour or ant powder? Back up to the On Inn and very pleased with myself to be the first female back this evening (but then again, no Hash Quack, Say No More or Pro tonight either!) A slightly better changing room experience this evening – nothing to trip or fall over, no surprise entrances, no rocking but it gets very dark when locked!

Down downs: DF rejoined us for the meal & to award down downs to Shag for his swift lay with plenty of white stuff; Vyvyan the virgin; Tits or Treats for getting her puppies out amongst the poppies; Cyclopath for misleading DF by turning up all dressed up but having only run down the hill; Sponge Bob for having the best fancy dress; and finally to Wrong for his forthcoming naked 5K run at the weekend – dow forget yower suncream!

Hot Lips x

Next week – The Cat, Enville (wim off to mayt suma Wrong’s cronies ay we?)

Wednesday, 3 July 2013

Astley Church, then tiffin at the Kings Arms, Areley Common

# 260

Date: Thursday 27th June 2013
Venue: Astley Church, then tiffin at the Kings Arms, Areley Common
Beers: Banks’s, Marstons
Food: chip butties & onion rings (£1!) plus donations to St Mary’s Hospice
Hare: Wrong / Pootle / the owd mon of Quarry Bonk
Virgins: Instant Whip/Brummie Lynda (Malvern Joggers & Malvern Hash)
Visitors: Dr Nick

Trail: The rain must have put ‘em all off tonight as there wor many a-turned up, which was a real shame as it was a bostin’ ‘ash. We did wait around for a while, thinking about just going to the pub but we decided to hash anyway seeing as Wrong had gone to all that trouble… (…laying it 3 times? …really?) We were told to look out for some strange Black Country chalk marks on the rowads and some “timber derivatives” when off the rowads and then we were sent off to “check it aat.“

A fine mixture of lanes, fields, ‘osses (big uns), very slippy muddy paths, then there was the nettles – oh the nettles - then the brambles too – noone escaped either obstacle. We were getting wetter and wetter with the rain-soaked foliage, which was over our heads on some of the stretches (well, mine anyway). 

‘ash ‘alts with no sweets or drinks and barely an ‘alt! Only the sound of Larry Grayson’s call of “shut that door!” - Shag’s developing himself an eclectic repertoire of impersonations. A very slippy, muddy path down through the woods, another ‘alf an ‘ash ‘alt and the chance for Boris to jump in the lake, whilst Hash Quack & Dr Whiplash (the usual suspects) missed it completely! 

The cry of “aww, you aye sin nothin’ yet!” and we were off through Shrawley woods, where the undergrowth got thicker & denser. We almost had a lost incident but it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. It almost felt like being in the jungle in there it was so steamy, although that could have just been the chemistry between Instant Whip and Herr Flash. 

The rain gave way to a little bit of sunshine, the 3rd HH was a little longer (by about 30 seconds) and the last part of the hash was much less vicious – things really were looking up!

More hilarity as Instant Whip climbed over a stile only for the adjoining gate to be opened by a chivalrous (but smug) Shag. A cheeky crossback over the oss’s field (them big ‘uns again) all to be captured on film by Dr Whiplash as our moments of glory.

And so, after the changing room incident in the back of a rather untidy van, we headed back to the Kings Arms for tay – bostin! Instant Whip even managed to get herself medicated there too.

Still missing our RA, Cross Dresser arranged a live link-up (which took me back to my Bingo days in Cricklewood) and the loud speaker was set for her to take the stage…

Down downs: Wrong for the greatest ‘ash ever (despite no sweets); Instant Whip (Brummie Lynda), tonight’s virgin; me for getting changed - the bare faced cheek of it! And finally to Shag and Leg Over for their “heroic” pet rescue of Boris (who’s probably a better swimmer than them anyway)


Hot Lips x

Next week: The Black Boy, Bewdley – stars & stripes fancy dress

The Talbot Inn, Newnham Bridge

# 259

Date: Thursday 20th June 2013 
Pub: The Talbot Inn, Newnham Bridge
Beers: Hobsons, Shropshire Lass, Stowford Press and Robinsons cider
Food: Sausage & mash / veggie tagliatelle
Hares: Penelope Pitstop & The Pro
Virgins: Phil, Mike, Callum & Sam
Visitors: Stretchy

GM passed on our condolences to Annie & Susie as their dad sadly died last night.

Trail: It was refreshing to see that Penelope Pitstop had arrived early for her own hash and wasn’t screeching into the car park, late and on two wheels, which is the usual start to Thursday nights. 

A great trail of 2 halves this evening: half on and half off road. Did PP lay the on road trail from the Range Rover, whilst sending the Pro to lay the off road bit? Who knows (or cares) but it was a lovely warm evening for a great hash, albeit a little humid.

And so, out of the car park (field), turning right over the bridge and along the A456 before turning off and running along the lanes. No treats to tempt us at the first HH and so we headed off again but the going got so tough at the following crossroads that noone could be bothered to check it out. It was all OK because Penelope Pitstop also forgot the rules and waved us in the right direction anyway – hooray!

A few fields, styles and nettles, plus the sparring of the Amateur and Tweeny, who both had the horn. A little confusion as we almost lost the path, not to mention the flour, but all was not lost as Say No More picked up the trail again through the caravan park.

Hash Quack and Say No More ran straight past the 2nd HH, which was so well hidden a helicopter could have landed on it. Pimms cocktail and homemade cup cakes, in various sizes, finally brought some class to tonight’s hash.
Some lovely off road, with wammels a-plenty, before dipping down through what looked like someone’s back garden, complete with picnic table and swing. Whilst most of us went down to the kissing bridge - there weren’t many takers - Wrong treated us to a repeat of Say No More’s favourite joke – ar, he’s a funny ‘un. 

The 3rd HH came with sweets and the announcement that the Pro would have to lead us back out to the road before we could pick up the trail again (something to do with excessive undergrowth). 2 hashers really got into the swing of things, whilst a 3rd tried to join in with a bribe of sweets.
Tonight’s yin & yang theme (on & off road, Pimms cocktail and Haribo, boys and girls etc) continued back at the pub with Tagliatelle and bangers & mash – they say opposites attract!

Down downs: awarded by Cross Dresser (as Doggy Fashion is still poorly) to the Pro & Penelope Pitstop for their wonderful hash – a great mix of roads and fields plus the Pimms of course; virgins: Phil for being too good looking; Mike for being too sweaty; the Venga boys: Sam for almost leaving his jewels on a stile, and Callum for having a poo at the 2nd HH (I suppose it was his house after all); and then to Bristols for being woken up at 11pm on Tuesday by Say No More wanting a cup of tea plus also for getting lost this evening(?). The final down down was awarded to Say No More herself by Stretch, who was warned not to be too funny and did well not to be put off despite having Shag’s phone in his face with our own RA listening in! There was a lengthy preamble but, to cut a long story short, he was quite taken by her story of the farmer who sheared sheep with his combine harvester?!?! Utter nonsense!

Hot Lips x

Next week – meeting at Astley Church (Tiffin afterwards at the Kings Arms, Areley Common)