Friday, 29 March 2013

The Loom & Shuttle, Kidderminster

Date: 28 March 201313. 

Pub: The Loom and Shuttle, Kidderminster
Food: Carvery
Beer: I’ve kept up the pretence for Hot Lips’ sake but I don’t drink the stuff, so, frankly who cares? 
Hare: Clodhopper

A very prompt start tonight as we had to be back at the pub by 8.20pm for the food. It was probably just as well that we were without Hot Lips’ and her associated child care issues, otherwise, it could have been chip butties all round. 
I always find this bit hard as I don’t have one of those internal sat nav systems that Hot Lips was installed with when she left the factory. We started off on the Stourport Road in Kidderminster. It had taken all of Bristols’ expert navigation to get me into the car park as there was no right turn outside the pub itself.
I will now attempt to describe the route. We passed some houses, some were detached, others weren’t. We snaked our way (that makes it sound geographically technical) to the left and passed some flats. Soon, I was beginning to regret wearing off-roaders as it was all very tarmacky. Suddenly we came across an enormous hole in the ground that Shag tried to fall into, hoping to sue. Then we were off road, underfoot the going was sandy and we headed west (well, we probably didn’t). At the first hash halt Clodhopper cracked out the Easter eggs and the Fruit Pastilles. 
We continued and emerged from the undergrowth to be accosted yet again by a local resident. He insisted that it was a private road and that we were not allowed to run up it. At that moment Clodhopper appeared and led us down a footpath that was a right of way much to everyone’s relief. Momentarily someone must have rebooted me as I recognised where I was - Rhydd Covert! 
Before long we were back in the housing estate and heading east (no not really!). People who have on board navigation systems were starting to guess where the ‘on inn’ would be and headed off down the road. But Clodhopper had found a sneaky path through the trees and sent us down there instead, due south, if I remember correctly. 

Down Downs: 

Clodhopper: For laying the most amazing hash ever and for being my favourite hare. There were those that were moaning about the lack of flour but I urge you to think about the quality of the paths. 
Cinderella and Darth Vader: It was assumed that they had had some input in laying the hash but it turns out they hadn’t.
Well Laid: For front running but she had actually left early.
Pootle: Hawaii Five-O shorts over the top of Ron Hills (Ron Hills, the garments, not a place on my sat nav). You just need the moustache now, Martin. As it happens, I did have quite a girlhood crush on Tom Sellack along with Humphrey from Yes, Prime Minister.
Game Bird: For a welcome return and for arriving with a Bailey’s cheesecake. 
Cross-Dresser: For washing his mud claws in the shower and shoulder barging Russell into the undergrowth. 

Announcement: Despite being injured, an inventive Game Bird has already found a way around her predicament: Bubbles has had to carry her everywhere. This pairing has proved such a success that apparently they have already entered the 2013 Wife Carrying Championships held in Finland on July 4th. In order to maximise their chances they are planning on laying the 250th Red Dress Hash with Kim clinging on behind.

Doggie Fashion (Guest Blogger)

Next week: The Water Mill, Kidderminster

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Admiral Rodney, Martley

# 246
Date: Thursday 21st March 2013

Pub: The Admiral Rodney, Berrow Green, Martley
Food: chilli, rice & chips / veggie curry, rice & chips
Beers: HPA, Otter, Stowford Press cider
Hare: Leg Over
Visitors: Seb & Claire
Virgins: none

He’s so excited, and he just can’t hide it, we’re all about to lose control and we just can’t hide it!  
Everyone had to wait for the latecomers who had childcare issues but there’s nothing like a bit of suspense to start the night off is there? 
  Our excited hare was treated to a cheerleading spectacular from DF, Bristols, Cyclopath, Well Laid, Say No More and Hard On, although DF got so excited she almost forgot what she was spelling.  A fanfare of party blowers ensued before we were told of tonight’s treat: 5 muddy miles, 4 and you’re on, 3 HHs (plus some extra ones added in for good measure), 2 menu choices and 1 very excited hare!  What could possibly go wrong?
  Wrong ducked out before the first HH (ee dae feel very well), we were accosted by an inquiring resident at the 1st HH (thanks Lassie for sorting her out), then we were almost fumigated and lucky to escape alive as we ran past a bonfire (I was hoping this was going to be the most original HH ever encountered but my hopes of toasted marshmallows were dashed once I’d got my breath again).

Things did get better for a while with some cheeky falsies and some easier terrain and another exciting HH with party poppers, blowers, cheers and sweets.  Then there was lots more mud, hills and stiles etc (including the poshest stile anyone’s ever seen) but all was forgiven when we were bowled over by the Panache - this has become the best hash refreshment to date! 
Some harsh winds on top of the hills, some misguidance from Early Riser and then a sharp downhill that caused Lassie to lose his footing.  The excitement was starting to falter again on the final furlong as all we wanted to do was get back to the pub.  We finally got there after an age, where the excitement was re-ignited.


Down downs: awarded by DF to Leg Over for his very exciting solo hash (he tried very hard not to let anyone else in on his game), his trump card of Panache (excellent move) and his ability to bring in a new weather front (it must have been all the excitement); Seb – almost a virgin; Lassie for falling; Russell Sprout for his gremlin noises; Richard for taking a leak; and finally to the welcome returns of Compost and Hard On the master blaster (a possible renaming?) – welcome back boys, nice to see you on your feet again!

Hot Lips x
Next week: The Loom & Shuttle, Kidderminster

Tuesday, 19 March 2013

The Viaduct, Kidderminster

# 245
Date: Thursday 14th March 2013
Pub: The Viaduct, Kidderminster
Beers: Guinness, Breakspeare Gold, Banks’s Original, Banks’s Bitter, Strongbow
Food: off the menu (had to remind them that we ordered)
Hares: Pootle & Slim Boy Fat
Visitors: none
Virgins: none

Trail: Am we on? We are ay we? A short ‘un tonighat as we gorra get back fa food.  Laid in shavings (not Smudger’s), if ya con fiyand it ya’m on! 
Not a lot on the ground for a while but then, guttell, a whole load of sawdust dumped.  Most didn’t realise that Slim Boy Fat was in on the game causing the Amateur to be fooled as he ran back past him.  A quick HH in a field somewhere near Stone, where Crossdresser was being quizzed over his running gear, and then we were off again so that we made it back in time for tae. 
A trip around the houses to Trinidad’s Piaco International Airport for some more refreshments: beers, orange juice “and dun anyone want a cuppa tae?”  We seemed to be doing well until Slim Boy Fat led us up a wrong ‘un but not for long, we were back on track and heading towards the final HH where Penelope Pitstop seemed very pleased to be talking about hard ones.  Back up and over the railway line, around past the Harriers and a lovely long downhill to the largest on inn in history!
Getting his “fix”

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Pootle & Slim Boy Fat for their fantastic hash with more sawdust than a sawmill and the biggest ever on inn (you see, size does matter); a welcome return to Trenchfoot, out to impress us in his Bolshoi tights; Crossdresser and the Amateur for their shortcutting (certainly not emerging from the undergrowth); Legover for his topless prowess in the car park and being the most excited inaugural hasher ever.  Finally, it must be noted that our RA ran all the way tonight; well done DF!
Hot lips x

Next week: The Admiral Rodney, Berrow Green, Martley

Saturday, 9 March 2013

The Perdiswell, Worcester

# 244
Date: Thursday 7th March
Pub: Perdiswell House, Claines, Worcester
Food: off the menu
Beer: Abbot ale, Guinness etc

Hares: Torchy the Battery Boy and Who’s the Daddy?
Virgins: none
Visitors: Dangerous Dave & Richard

Trail: Flooded fields, fabulous refreshments, foul play, falling, facial hair, frogs, freestyle running but no flippin’ flour!  Their last marathon hash had almost been forgotten and we were obviously all still in shock from Hash Quack’s reasonable run last week when we set for tonight’s “5 miler” that had apparently been “sabotaged” by the rain.  The hares spent the first half of the hash up front guiding the way, showing us where they said they’d left their marks; we really needed Inspector Clusoe  out there! 

Lovely cupcakes (maybe that’s where all the four went?) at the 1st HH helped to sweeten us & give us enough energy to cross the next field (lake), our running shoes gathering enough mud to create the best workout ever.  Some foul play from Torchy somehow left Shag on his back flashing his white pins.  Pootle was on form, giving us directions across the smelly onion field where we were rewarded with some more super refreshments (shandy and sweets) at the next HH, however, Slim Boy Fat was far too busy to notice as he was caught up on a very important business call.  An extremely original trail of frogs led us off down the next path; should they have been glued to the path?  Surely there wasn’t enough flour for that?! 
Down to the river where we were all slip-sliding away, lucky not to fall in and all looking like Bambi on ice until we inadvertently came across the final HH with yet more sweets - hooray!  Clodhopper and Crossdresser found a gurgling bathtub at the edge of a field (?!); their auditory hallucinations turned out to be the stampeding horses (that shandy must have been good stuff!).  The final furlong (fiasco) turned out to be a little more than we expected when the hash became hashes, where one half followed tonight’s trail and the other half were taken back in time to follow Denis The Menace’s Malvern trail from a couple of weeks ago.  Fact.  A flour trail that actually survived the rain?  Look and learn boys.  All in all, a fabulously eventful 8-9 miler – we’ll all sleep well tonight!

Some fairly fine fodder at the on inn, when we finally got there.  A few flashbacks from the hash weekend almost resulting in fisticuffs between Crossdresser, Smudger and Doggy Fashion and an ingenious start to down downs to compensate for the music round of the pub quiz going on around us – great gesticulation DF!!

Down downs: Who’s the Daddy and Torchy the Battery Boy for their flourless trail, only to redeem themselves with their fine refreshments; Shag (Smudger) for falling and his facial hair attempt; our visitor Dangerous Dave (Richard didn’t get a look in, maybe he shouldn’t let people know he’s Crossdresser’s brother) and finally to Legover for his appreciation of modern “can do” women.

Hot Lips x
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Monday, 4 March 2013

The Running Horse, Bewdley

# 243

Date: Thursday 28th February 2013
Pub: The Running Horse, Bewdley
Food: posh grub off the menu
Beers: Guinness… & some others… (Crossdresser usually helps me out with this bit, sorry)
Hares: Hash Quack and Get Down Shep
Virgins: none
Visitors: Captain Kremmen, Sybil and Comes Occasionally

Trail: a bit thin on the ground at the start this evening but then; Hash Quack has a bit of a reputation doesn’t she?  But whilst we were all mentally preparing ourselves for tonight’s marathon, a few more arrived (maybe they were late in the hope that we’d have left without them… we know how she likes to keep to time).  Wrong finally called time, we were given the “safety and sanity” pep talk and we were off. 
A wonderfully twisty turny trail, delicately laid in dainty spots of flour, looping down the side of the bypass, spinning in circles through the countryside, causing some chaos & confusion but I loved it (I seemed to have been the only person listening to the rules tho).  3 very swift HHs; I managed to get one sweet at the first as there was a sentimental pause for remembrance, nothing at the subsequent stops (Roberto, where for art thou?).  
Down & cleverly underneath the bypass, with the realisation that the only way is up.  An impromptu HH at the top of a very steep hill causing lots of delight, Demon Dog still seems to cause a few scowls, Torchy and Russell Sprout were on their best behaviour this evening (for once) although Russell Sprout barely came up for air, he was so chatty!  My kneepads weren’t needed tonight but Hash Quack could have done with a pair of boxing gloves.

Down downs: Hash Quack for her wonderful, spiralling hash (a lucky escape with a short run for most with the hash weekend looming, although there were a few hills…); our 3 visitors: Captain Kremmen, Sybil and Comes Occasionally (who also falls occasionally); other fallers: Sponge Bob who had root trouble and Amateur who was nearly caught in a man trap but lived to tell the tale (prancing in his pants in the car park as he did so); Who’s the Daddy got his sport confused tonight and cycled to Cleobury but then was surprised by the hills; and finally to Russell Sprout for his excellent sprinting, was he gas-powered tonight?  He’s not called Russell Sprout for nothing y’know!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Peardiswell, Worcester

Sunday, 3 March 2013