Friday, 20 December 2013

#285 Christmas Curry Hash

#285 Christmas Curry Hash

Date: Thursday 19th December, 2013
Venue: Bombay Blues, Kidderminster
Beers: extortionate
Food: Indian fayre
Hares: Crossdresser, Legover, Game Bird and Bubbles, apparently
Visitors/virgins: none

There was a weird sense of déjà-vu (note: French phrase thrown into causual conversation, see posh test) amongst the 25 or so hashers gathered outside Bombay Blues. There was confusion over who was the actual hare, confusion over sweets…beer…GM…was it actually live…should we head straight into the restaurant?

Game Bird assured us she knew the first part of the trail so we set off to meet Crossdresser and Legover at the first HH. The trail took us round the ring road and back into town, where we weaved on the wharf, in and out of Christmas shoppers, splashing in puddles before finding our way to the canal. We took refuge under the bridge from the youths hollering at Cyclopath for the first HH. There was nearly a bag of sweets each but sadly no beer.

We carried on and I wasn’t really paying attention so I can’t remember where we went exactly…it was like a bad dream as we dodged syringes in the graveyard at St George’s, while discussing favourite Christmas songs (Game Bird’s is ‘something about a sleigh’ but she can’t remember what it’s called/how it goes, but it’s her best Christmas song ever!). There was much fretting over Charlie as he wasn’t used to the bright lights of Kiddy and kept wandering into the traffic. There was another HH and it was mentioned, not for the first time, how disappointing it was not to have any Panaché, due to a chain of unfortunate events involving campervans, car boots and kids with temperatures. Oh, and the shop over the road from Hot Lips. It was easier just to blame Cleopatra for being useless. Again. 

Anyway, the trail took us to THAT footbridge from last week, where this time we didn’t have Brussels sprouts, but Copulation did have the pleasure of his nipples’ being nibbled by Legover and pecked by Cleopatra. Think it made up for last week’s disaster. We carried on back towards Comberton Hill and under the underpass towards the ON INN SCOTT by the Glades.

Charlie the opportunist spotted the slowly closing door of Bargain Booze and dived in, much to his master’s amazement. As Shag apologetically retrieved his posh dog, the customers stared in wonder.

We all needed to sit down at the v. long table to recover from the prices of the drinks. The posh test was carried out to keep us amused while we waited for EVER for our food. No surprise that Hash Quack scored the most highly with a whopping 71%! If you’d like to see if you’re more posh than HQ, check it out at

Down downs:
Were awarded by Doggy Fash to hares: alpha male Doug, Crossdresser, Game Bird for being too busy (saving for her wedding?*), Stuart for going missing, Legover for his impressive Rudolph costume and assistant hare duties, and Cyclopath the fox!

Gotta go and nurse my burnt mouth and indigestion. 

Love you, bye!


Next week: Family hash at HQ’s 11am Sunday 22nd December. 3 mile and 6 mile routes available.
Boxing Day run 11am Cross Keys, Suckley.

*no wedding has yet been announced

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

# 283

Date: Thursday 5th December 2013 
Pub: The Constitutional Club, Kinver
Beers: Gothic Ale, Enville Ginger Beer, the list went on and on…
Food: off the menu (I would really recommend the quiche)
Hare: Dr Whiplash (with a little help from his lovely assistant, Bubbles)
Visitors / virgins: none

Trail: The Hashy Birthday Hash.

It was a lovely evening, now that the wind had died down, Shag had been let out with the posh motor this evening but still had to tie his own shoelaces, Cross Dresser was just relieved to be out, whilst Russell Sprout was in his own little musical world.

There were no real rules tonight, we would hopefully find some flour and hopefully make it around Kinver and be back in time for tea, but who knows? No hash horn this evening – hopefully he made it out of Mortimer forest at the weekend?

Some started off the wrong way, certain they were on the right trail, only to be called back down the High Street. And so off down to the canal, where someone else was sure it wouldn’t be this way but we were wrong again!

Lots of lovely off road (although the Enville ginger beer seems to have wiped out my memory of most of the run!) There was a hash halt near the canal, where Cleopatra was tempted to push Shag over the bridge into the water. He narrowly escaped to tell the story of Lily Savage and the spinning pensioner.

We couldn’t decide who was responsible for the perfectly circular checks: Dr Whiplash or his glamorous assistant Bubbles. Some technical drawing implements had obviously been drafted in for the occasion.

The last HH followed the ascent to Whiplash’s house, although we had to make do with drinks and mince pies served from the boot of his car. He was congratulated for the provision of Panache, whereas I broke out into some cheesy poetry.

Dr Jeckyll got caught out on the trail, as his other half couldn’t be bothered to check it out with him (we were far too busy chatting!) It was a long way back down to the on inn, Copulation finding some extra wind power to speed him up.

A few birthday beers, some good pub grub, Game Bird’s delicious cakes and a round of “Happy Birthday to you” saw the night off quite nicely!

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Dr Whiplash for his happy birthday philosophical hash, where you knew you were on if you weren’t wrong, some precision circles and the car boot hash halt; Dr Jeckyll for calling a false when it wasn’t, Sucks It Up for sending Dr Jeckyll to check out a trail as she couldn’t be bothered to check it herself and finally to Say No More for flashing the RA and Dr Jeckyll back at the on inn!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Viaduct, Kidderminster, DY10 1XL

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

The Button Oak, Button Oak

# 282

Date: Thursday 28th November 2013 
Pub: The Button Oak, Button Oak
Beers: Doom Bar, Worthingtons Creamflow, Stowford Press cider, Thatchers Gold cider
Food: off the menu
Hare: Game Bird (with a little help from Bubbles)
Visitors / virgins: none

Trail: The muddiest hash – you have been warned!

Well it was all going on on the car park before we started – Penelope Pitstop had turned up early, Cross Dresser was expressing his female side with his pink footwear, Wrong was well equipped with his snow chains and Shag had to seal Leg Over’s holes with a bit of gaffer tape. And then someone had to wait behind for Cyclopath who was fashionably late…

Food orders were swiftly sorted, there was lots of gesticulation from Game Bird and then the 20 or so hashers and Babooshka set off into the night. A brief sprint out of the car park and down the road before turning right and into the muddy wilderness, never to be seen again… well, for the next hour or so anyway.

The warning of mud was soon experienced as we trudged our way along the tracks, almost losing Hot Lips and Cinderella in the deep, muddy furrows. There wasn’t much flour to find but that didn’t matter as an excitable Game Bird led the way – and that’s why we call her the leader of the pack!

Cyclopath joined us at the first HH, in a clearing on a hill, just in time to share the fine selection of sweets – “eclair anyone?” It wasn’t long before we were off again, Doggy Fashion still chewing on her rationed one sweet. Slip-sliding down yet another muddy path into the woods, everyone somehow managing to stay on their feet… or did they?

Hash Quack was way out ahead, missing hash halts at any given opportunity, Well Laid was daintily treading, trying desperately not to fall whilst Tits or Treats was giggling about her big sister’s baggy trousers. Who’s the Daddy, Lassie and Copulation were checking out the trail again, only to be called back just in time to see Cross Dresser howling at the MOon.

An obligatory shot of the muddiest shoes ever and were off again, Dr Whiplash speeding past everyone, Wrong weighed down by the mud and chains and Game Bird’s call of “éclair anyone?” yet again. Hash Quack led the way to the on inn, where the doctor had a little experiment in store for us…

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion (along with the colossally mammoth thanks to the pub) to Game Bird for her best ever hash; Cross Dresser for his pink socks; Leg Over for surviving the run in his taped up shoes; Wrong for his jock strap snow shoes and to Dr Whiplash for falling (I missed that one!)

The doctor’s experiment: to see who’s the biggest hash drinker – there was no contest really, Hot Lips had downed hers in no time at all, Compost came a close second, leaving Cross Dresser desperately trying to down his without puking! (Someone else for the doghouse tonight?)

Hot Lips x

Next week:
The Constitutional Club, Kinver, DY7 6HL