Monday, 31 March 2014

Hare & Hounds too!

300th Birthday Hash PART 2!
…and so there it was, the most wonderful sight to behold from afar, an array of twinkling white lights spreading out across Springfield Park in perfect formation, before snaking down towards the park. I was so excited by this that the two fellas walking by with their pushchair gave me a wide berth and a dodgy look as I squealed in delight and ran down towards the lights (ahem, pot-kettle-black boys!)
Someone was running through the ford (I couldn’t make out who) and everyone was so busy checking out the trail like proper, well-behaved hashers that many didn’t even notice me approach! I was just glad to have found them so soon, was quickly reminded that there was a task at hand and seamlessly joined in the hunt.
Bristols was industriously searching and managed a “hello” whilst not breaking her stride, the Amateur burbled a country “alright” as he raced ahead with his horn and Slim Boy Fat picked up a conversation as if I’d always been there. No flies on Dr Whiplash tho, he had an inkling that something wasn’t quite right… He couldn’t be bothered to find out what tho and sprinted away.
It was wonderful to see everyone in their new birthday celebration hash t-shirts, big thanks to Game Bird for those! And so, we exited Springfield park and headed to where Clodhopper was waiting for us at the next HH with posh glasses and bubbly. A few words from Wrong before raising a toast to 300 hashes although, sadly, no one had given Dr Jeckyll or Sucks It Up prior information of the occasion (nor had they read their t-shirts), they were just astonished with the upmarket refreshments and are probably hoping that Doggy Fashion will decree a similar standard, like Haribo.
A rendition of “Happy birthday to us, happy birthday to us, happy birthday dear hashers, happy birthday to us!” a few cheers and we were sent off to check it out “up thee ‘ill” Sprout was belching his way along and appeared to be impersonating a goldfish tonight as he shouted “hello” every time he passed me (on countless occasions).
Over the Stourbridge Road, cutting up through the Foxholes and onto Hurcott Road, where I can only really remember the boring facts of where we went as I was deep in nursey conversation with Sucks It Up. Continuing through Baxter Gardens and onto the Birmingham Road where there was a lot of shouting for Copulation to cross the road. Down Leswell Lane, where Sucks It Up can recommend a really good builder and gardener, before turning onto Offmore Road and a clever twist as we turned off down towards East Street – a definite Wrong trademark – the trail won’t go where you expect it to go!
Clodhopper now appeared to be the co-hare since being relieved of his barman duties (something I’d obviously missed due to turning up late) and was making sure we weren’t trying to make predictions. Copulation was heard cautioning some of the hashettes about shortcutting but his evidence was sketchy to say the least. Another twist up Cherry Orchard, back onto Offmore Road again and on to the next HH, where our GM happened to be returning from his GM and stopped to join us for sweets.
Doggy Fashion was in raptures over the fizzy rainbows but Wrong and Clodhopper were keen for us to crack on so we “wor late for tay.” “Yowm lookin’ for anything now folks: flour, sawdust, dog sh*t, whatever but it’s one and you’m on!”
And so, Crossdresser walked towards the Land Oak, Dr Whiplash and the Amateur sprinted off that way too but the next check had us fooled again as we were again reminded that Wrong and Clodhopper were in charge of this hash and nothing is ever straightforward.
Down Lyndholm Road, that most of us thought was a dead end, much to Clodhopper’s amusement. Doggy Fashion, Cyclopath and Mud Master were themselves amused by Jack’s cockiness as he had been heard chanting “2,4,6,8, who do we appreciate? Me!” He’s certainly in for a down down later!
Across the Birmingham Road, up Bruce Road, onto Hurcott Road, where the hash had now separated into multiple hashlets and Shag actually caught some asking some unsuspecting local the way to the pub!! Tut tut. Yet another twist, to keep us on our toes, as we veered off down Vine Street, winding into Highfield Road before finally getting back out on the hill down to the on inn.
A thoroughly enjoyable hash but just how did Dr Whiplash and Slim Boy Fat get back so quickly???
Down downs/hash political broadcast: awarded by Crossdresser (as he wanted to shoehorn something political into the proceedings in light of the recent budget, plus Doggy Fashion had only just had her food - see also confusion cited in paragraph 2, Part 1). Crossdresser wanted to be Nick Clegg to DF’s David Cameron and announced his MASSIVE thanks to the Hare & Hounds for their lovely food, even if Golden Shower, Bristols and Say No More had not paid their taxes; the hare: Clodhopper, the George Osborne of the hash, keeping a firm hand on the tiller, guiding us through choppy waters, in fact, he should be the actual chancellor! Crossdresser was misinformed that it was Clodhopper alone and had to make a u-turn at the last minute to include Wrong, the Tony Benn of the hash, lovely, cuddly and warm, and who incidentally, holds the record for laying the most hash trails – bostin’ our mate; Dr Whiplash and Slim Boy Fat for showing all the moral values of Tory backbenchers: “sod you lot, we’re ok, make sure you forge your own expenses” and finally to Bubbles for handing out pennies but about to make millions out of a controversial new development in Kinver. All in it together? Hmmm.
Jack got named Buzz Lightyear for his sheer confidence and his lemniscate-covered neckerchief – to infinity and beyond!!!!
Hot Lips x
P.s. Massive thanks to Cleopatra, my co-blogger x
Next week: The New Inn, Arley, DY12 3LF

Hare & Hounds, Broadwaters

300th Birthday Hash PART 1!
Date: Thursday 20th March
Pub: The Hare and Hounds, Broadwaters, Kidderminster
Beers: 'Bit rubbish', according to source. John Smiths, Guinness, Theakstons Smooth 
Food: Meat/vege curry with rice, naan and a bhaji
Hares: Wrong and Clodhopper
Visitors/virgins: none
Yet again there was general chaos as the 25 or so (actually lots more) special edition green t-shirted hashers and hashlings gathered in the car park without our GM. Who was at a GM. We were briefly entertained by a domestic incident as Bubbles had arrived early - at the wrong pub. Clearly this was Game Bird's fault.
Just as we thought we'd got the final count for food, there were yet more latecomers...and there was an almost audible sigh of relief that there was no demon dog amongst them.
We set off along the Stourbridge Road following a trail of shavings, taking a left up the hill. There were discussions about present etiquette as some had bothered to bring one and others hadn't ‪#‎awkward‬.
Wrong had definitely chosen this part of the trail as we did a little loop round the houses and back towards Sion Hill and to the fields beyond. There was a conference call with another late arrival, Hot Lips, who was going to meet us at the second hash halt. Logistics were discussed, watches were synced and we carried on our way.
We nearly missed the first hash halt but thanks to beady-eyed Dr Whiplash, the HH was spotted in the undergrowth at the bottom of the hill. Wrong pulled a selection of branded treats out of his jacket as we stopped for a rest.
After setting off, it became apparent that the Demon Dog had been replaced by Demon Youths (Torchy, Russell Sprout, Darth Radar and Jack) this evening, as their high jinks nearly knocked us old folk over. And then there was the molehill incident.
Hot Lips joined the group seamlessly as we headed along the stream towards Springfield Park and I shall let her take over seamlessly from here.
Cleopatra x

The Olde New Inn, Pound Green

# 301
Venue: The Old New Inn, Pound Green (not Arley)
Hares: Hot Lips and the absent Father Christmas
Food: Off the Roadkill Menu
Beer: Worcestershire Way, and no more needs to be said

[Due to planned strike action by The National Union of Hash Bloggers, we regret to inform you that your usual service has been disrupted. We are, however currently in negotiations, and understand their legitimate concerns. As an employer, we understand the valuable work that the union does for it’s members, and are happy to arrive at a settlement. However, this means we’ve employed a guest blogger for this week only.]
HELLO EVERYONE, it’s me. Bubbles! You know, the chosen one, the best, the messiah! I may be bald, but boy, am I bold! %%%%%;-)
I was the first to arrive at the car park, way ahead of everyone else, especially the Sheldons! What a bunch of losers. I’m the best by a mile. Anyone seen my compression socks, you can’t miss them with the length of my trousers? %%!
Our communist GM welcomed everyone, but I was too busy being brilliant to notice. Where’s the wife? Cleaning the kitchen no doubt. Keep her in her place. She’s not very observant, as she thought I’d left with the other hashers. Could she not see my huge slaphead shining in the moonlight?
Anyway, we set off, and I turned right. Is that a surprise to anyone?! NO. Of course not! Don’t let the communists twist your minds. If us rich people are going to get richer, we can’t be distracted by poor people. Who will wash our Bentleys then? Where was Sheldon, why do I always have to wait for him? Did I mention I was brilliant?! %%%%%
We ran up some paths, then down some paths, but I was going so fast I didn’t really notice where. I know I had to wait for everyone else, including all the Sheldons. Boy, aren’t they slow? I’m very fast.
I saw some nice fields, with unspoilt views, full of nature. I think I’ll build some executive homes on them. That should make me a bit more cash. Planning shouldn’t be a problem, as I’m in The Masons with most of them, and I’m sleeping with the rest. I’m brilliant, and so are my mates. The male, white, straight ones at least. Where’s the wife with my drink? She’s so slow, compared to me! %%%
Anyway, I ditched the route and just ran really fast back to the pub. I was back hours before everyone else. Some might say that’s because I only did half the distance. But they’re idiots, and communists. And women. And I’m Bubbles The Brilliant.%%%%
I don’t know about Down Downs (the communist did them!), but someone made some notes, on something called a smartphone! My phone’s smart, I answer it! Where’s the wife with my cords? What! %%%%%
[Notes of Down Downs]
Firstly, a massive thank you to the New Inns at POUND GREEN (not Arley). Great food, but they've also got a unisex changing shelter in the car park, where Hot Lips and I played shadow animals.
The Hare. Hot Lips. She has been observed getting her excuses in early. There was flour when she laid it, the dog eat her homework, she used to have her marbles. The route was so good we did it twice, and we ran past Bewdley Dope Smokers and Gropers Club.
A welcome returnee, Spongebob. Not only does he have the cheek to run at the front, looking all ripped and handsome, but he's getting married next weekend. So there's a half for you and half for Mrs Spongebob.
The I-Spy award for observation goes to Kim....
The Confused prize for getting the activity wrong is Who's The Daddy. Gets on his bike, adjusts his stabilisers, rides to the end of the car park and back.
Russell Sprout. Training to be a ninja by trampling round the woods with all the stealth of a baby rhino, then shouting boo.

Saturday, 15 March 2014

The Manor Arms, Abberley

# 299
Date: Thursday 13th March
Pub: The Manor Arms, Abberley
Beers: HPA, Tribute, Twisted Spire, Manor Arms Ale and Robinson’s cider
Food: (expensive but lovely) meat/veggie chilli & rice (bread & olives for the latecomers)
Hares: Hash Quack & Get Down Shep
Visitors/virgins: none
Trail: a Hash Quack special!
15 hashers and a couple of canines met up on this cool, starry evening, ready for a Hash Quack special off-road marathon. Game Bird was dispensing loot from her car boot whilst we all battled for a parking space on the car park. It was a welcome return for Crossdresser, who’s been off hobnobbing with the stars… and now relieved to be back home with his very own Wyre Forest H3 superstars.
Hash Quack almost forgot to let us in on tonight’s details (I think the rather pricey posh nosh had put her off her stride). The only thing we all know is – it’s gonna be a long one!!!!
And so, everyone ran off in different directions but I spotted Get Down Shep sauntering down the hill, so I surreptitiously called Cyclopath and Cleopatra this way and we giggled behind him!
The Amateur was back with the horn tonight, although the Pro wasn’t joining us until later. He and Copulation were the usual FRBs extraordinaire, managing to get ahead at any given opportunity. There was lots of off road, lots of hills, not a lot of flour at the start, some sweets at the first HH, although Hash Quack seemed to be in a hurry to get us to check it out - presumably to ensure we were back home before breakfast!
Out into the open and across a (…nother very wet) field, only to be met with a hedge and no check (tut tut). I was the only fool to check down the hill, whilst everyone else went up (of course). Clodhopper was on standby to uphold the wobbly gate, whilst we all clambered over – or in Demon Dog;s case, under.

Torchy Boy proclaimed, “this is a Rachel hash!” and headed off up the hill, only to be proved right! Who’s the Daddy was calling “don’t look up” as we headed up a long incline, the almost full moon and stars lighting our way. This sounds very poetic, of course, but the truth is, the muddy path really had us sliding all over the place!
Up to the top of Abberley Hill and a lovely winding run through the woods. Lots of calling (for a change), although the calls from the front got further & further away… I love running along paths like this, mind; Cleopatra loves it too! Down a set of stairs to the road and HH number 2 where Get Down Shep sought out the refreshments – juice, beers and some rather delicious peach rings, resulting in a humbs up from everyone!
A short trip along the road, before cutting back onto some more slushy fields. A bit of chaos as we all lost the trail, only to be called back by Hash Quack. Across another wet field, where the next HH was a mere formality in order to regroup, before we were sent off again, without sweets, through the gate. It wasn’t long before we picked up the (newly refurbished) On Inn for our posh nosh.
Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Hash Quack and Get Down Shep for their wonderful hash, despite Get Down Shep displaying blatant disregard for the rules of hashing (namely, getting the hashers to find the way for themselves); Crossdresser for returning from his nob-hugging and finally to Who’s the Daddy for his pub step contortions.
Hot Lips x
Next week: The Hare & Hounds, Broadwaters, Kidderminster, DY10 2UL

Good luck to all of you doing GREAT things with your races, duathlons and triathlons etc – I’m entering my first 5K race this Sunday! Woo hoo! (Gotta start somewhere!)
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Thursday, 6 March 2014

The Amateur's Birthday Hash

#296 The Amateur's Birthday Hash

Date: Thursday 27th February 
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Beers: Yes
Food: Really Spicy Chilli, Rice and Chips and Salad Cream
Hares: The Pro and The Amateur
Virgins/Visitors: None


Not many hashers tonight with a distinct lack of Worcester and Kidderminster peeps and only one Rachel! There was a delay setting off waiting for late arrivals and those with Satnav user errors. Our award-winning GM, Crossdresser, was sorely missed as we filed out of the warm pub and just had to get on with it, basically, after a few words from The Pro about the trail. We weren't really sure if there was a hare at all...

We took a left out of the car park, along the main road and left again down the lane, our torch lights catching the snowdrops as we dodged the puddles. Game Bird was wondering if it would be all on roads but soon we were climbing over what was going to be the first of many ¡¡GATES!! and we were in a muddy field.

There were plenty of neat, circular checks to keep Coplulation happy after a few weeks off and eventually we reached the first hash halt. Our numbers were boosted with the surprise appearance of Tits or Treats who was waiting patiently for us. Tangfastics were handed round as there was more discussion of footwear. Bristols' recent purchase was admired and The Pro told us the only evidence she had that The Amateur had left to lay the trail was that he'd run off with her right trainer.

ON ON we went as it was getting too cold to hang around and there was talk of another part-timer, Legover, appearing at the next hash halt. There were lots more muddy fields, massive puddles, ¡¡GATES!! and tricky stiles before stopping for a rest and more sweets. 

At some point, Game Bird must have had a little rest on a muddy stile, as she was running around with a mud butterfly printed on her backside. The flour seemed harder to find for the rest of the hash as we headed towards the farm for a third hash halt. There was a visit to the petting zoo with the baby Herefordshire calves the star attraction. Aaaahhhh.

The front runners missed this treat and also failed to find any flour on the scenic route back to the pub, so just went along the lanes instead. Legover was having a pint with the hare after deciding to def it after all.

Down downs:

Doggy Fashion awarded The Amateur a whole pint of beer for being the birthday boy as well as the Phantom Hare. Game Bird got one for looking like she'd had a spicy vege chilli before the hash, thanks to her bottom print. Legover nearly got one for having a pint instead of joining us but Doggy Fashion decided he didn't deserve it. Who's the Daddy got one too which he downed very quickly, but I can't remember why and it doesn't say on the notes. Anybody?

Cleopatra x

Next week: Northwick Arms,Worcester