Friday, 30 August 2013

The Honey Bee, Doverdale or the Stingers, Brambles and Wasps Hash

# 269

Date: Thursday 29th August 2013 

Pub: The Honey Bee, Doverdale
Beers: Abbott, Ale, London Pride, Doom Bar,

 Magners Gold & Strongbow ciders

Food: off the menu
Hare: Legover
Visitors: none
Virgins: none

Trail: This has been hailed as Legover’s brutal assault course. It was yet another lovely summer’s evening but we had been warned - no shorts! Of course, this resulted in Game Bird and Lassie ridiculing those of us that had actually listened. In any case, wasps don’t worry what you’re wearing do they?

And so, 20 hashers, 6 hashlings and one Demon Dog set out down the lane. It was a welcome return for Cleopatra and Early Riser, although Early Riser was found to be very complaining towards the end of the hash and will more than likely endeavour to be a late or non-riser in future. Game Bird found herself a big stick and set off with the girly hashlings like the pied piper, all of them gaily prancing around.

Back to Legover’s assault course; I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve such punishment? Very early on, the rule of “3 and you’re on” was flouted by the
hare as we got a check back down nettle alley. Cross Dresser and Cyclopath stood at the top of the hill watching the hashlings emerge from the painful undergrowth.

Some more confused markings at the next field caused some more groaning at both the nettle stings and the trail itself. Copulation and the Amateur took the lead, Game Bird stayed with the hashlings, Doggy Fashion and myself gave up and sauntered along for a while, lusting over young rock stars, whilst Legover carelessly grinned to himself at the back.

Clodhopper was the first to disturb the wasps, Unlaced squealed and did a little dance before darting off out of sight. I got stung behind my knee before realising what was going on and swiftly followed Unlaced. Doggy Fashion got stung on her lip and Shag got stung on his back. Doggy Fashion had never been seen to move so fast and was still hollering “run for your lives!” half a mile away. More were stung but we were miles away by then.

There were only 2 HHs, no drinks (because he couldn’t be bothered to carry them) but a fine selection of sweets. Some were so traumatised by the hash stinglings that extra halts were taken. Some had even provided their own refreshments! Legover kindly shared his child-friendly insect bite cream with almost everyone at the final HH, whilst Dr Whiplash and the Pro shared out the blackberries they’d picked.

Dananananananananananananananana Batman was chuckling to himself after hearing Bushwhacker’s comment of “my dad’s awesome, he’s got a gun and shoots people!” Sprout tried to curb Bushwhacker’s language, aware that there were many younger hashlings around. The hashling girls had somehow conned Shag into giving them all piggy backs, whilst Copulation produced a whip, just right for the occasion!

The sun was setting beautifully over the lake; the fisherman’s tranquil evening being rudely broken by our presence. The combine harvester was another hash surprise but at least it was easier to leap across the corn furrows than the sinking soil furrows! A shady woodland before yet another dash down nettle alley – just in case anyone had failed to get stung already. 

Down downs: Legover was spanked rather than thanked for his brutal hash, Doggy Fashion whipping him for each of his misdemeanours – the check backs, the combine harvester, for hiding the flour under leaves, the lack of drinks, the brambles, the nettles and the wasps nest… he was given extra spankings for the brambles, nettles and wasps nests. Lost Skywalker for his shivalrous behaviour in beating back the brambles and nettles with a large light sabre; Game Bird for also using branches as machetes; Copulation for his conspicuous whip “finding” ; Andy for just being Andy; and finally to Shag for being the birthday boy.

Happy birthday was sung to Shag, the Pro and myself before launching into Shag’s birthday games: Golden Graeme and Who’s this? Judging from the hash flashes, there were more birthday shenanigans involving hashling pyramids and flour showers – I notice Legover remained un-floured…

Hot Lips x

Next week: Ye Olde Seven Stars, Kidderminster (please note change of venue)

Stingers, Brambles and Wasps Hash by Garmin Connect - Details

Friday, 23 August 2013

The Harbour, Arley

# 267

Date: Thursday 15th August 2013
Pub: The Harbour, Arley
Beer: Wye Valley, Robinsons cider, “special” lime & soda (well, it ought to be special at £2.50 a pint!!!!)
Food: off the menu 
Hare: Wrong
Virgins: Liz & Andy (Big Bang)
Visitors: none

Trail: I dow think the buz would get dowun this big ‘ill, dun yow?

A bostin’ trail this evening, no wammals neither so no worries of upsetting the angry farmer. A spin off group (the diplomatic crew) went for a walk around Eymore woods whilst the rest of us followed combinations of timber and wheat based derivatives. Extra marks were laid along the way, which obviously helped Legover for his late arrival.

Starting out running down to the river, following the path across the field and up to the farm to the first HH, where we were treated to swarms of flying ants causing us all to move on across the railway track. Most of us got caught out with the next part of the trail, having moved the HH, so we all headed back down to the farm and up the field past the ‘osses. 

Over a stile and up through the caravan park, with our very own well-wishers cheering us along. Noticing that Shag had not caught up, the Pro & I ran with Ollie and I said I’d keep an eye out for him, encouraging him to keep up the pace. Up the lane to the 2nd HH, with some lovely sour jelly sweets & a couple of spectators. Wrong reminded us yet again NOT to go through a cross – something tells me the angry farmer is close by.

Down the lane this time, cutting off through some more fields. Bushwacker & Russell Sprout were jumping fences & stiles and I thought I could do it too… right up until I had started my leap… when my confidence faltered at the worst possible moment… Needless to say, I just about made it over the stile but landed in a heap on the floor on the other side. Young Ollie was now looking after me!

Battered and bruised I made it to the 3rd HH, where the lovers were arm in arm (again). We were treated to sweets and drinks at this one! Back along the lane, down towards the river again, cutting off through a field where Clodhopper became “wheat at the knees.” The young ‘uns soon slowed down after their earlier energetic escapades and caused a bit of a jam but were soon to be overtaken. Legover appeared out of nowhere and sprinted to the on inn whilst the rest of us enjoyed the quick descent through the grassy fields.

Down downs: Wrong for his bostin’ ‘ash plus sweets and drinks; Hot Lips for “waking up the ****ing RA last week plus her attempt at being wonderwoman this evening (it really wasn’t wonderful at all); Compost for copping out with his “bad nad” groin strain; our virgins: Andy (big Bang) and Liz; and finally to the Amateur for his extra nipple.

Hot Lips x

Next week: Brookfield House, Wolverley (Cinderella’s birthday BBQ afterwards)

Saturday, 10 August 2013

Fruiterers Arms Hash

I wonder when the next boat leaves here?

# 266 (it might as well have been hash 666 for me)

Date: Thursday 8th August 2013
Pub: The Fruiterer’s Arms, Uphampton
Beer: King’s Shilling, Arrowhead, Fruiterer’s Mild 
Food: Cheese & ham sarnies & chips
Hare: Hot Lips
Virgins: Ollie
Visitors: none

Trail: I’ve named this the “It’ll be alright on the night” hash!

I had an unusual sense of impending doom regarding this hash for some strange reason or another: I’d not run for 3 weeks, booked to do this on a day when I was working (confused off duty, never good), only managed to do half a recce of the trail on Sunday when rain stopped play and I got flashbacks from that tragic rain swept night last October, I pulled myself together again and hooked up with Father Christmas to lay the trail on Wednesday and we got a little lost in places, I almost forgot the hash halts but was, finally, pretty pleased with it as I’d used 5 bags of flour! (fingers crossed for no rain)

Then on the day, I left work late and there was no GM again… Can anything else go wrong? Wrong stepped in to GM but forgot my hash name – shall I just go home now? Wrong nearly did!

Oh well, here goes… 

A mixture of on and off road on this sunny evening for the 22 hashers, 1 hashling and a few canines. Due to my lack of recent exercise, I was very glad to be at the back chatting with Instant Whip and Tits or Treats, whilst trying to remember to mark the on inn. Clodhopper arrived fashionably late and was rewarded with relieving me of my rucksack. Despite this, I still almost had an asthma attack at the top of the hill (and I’m not even asthmatic!)

Cutting down through Hillhampton Woods and a clever falsie sent the pack off in the wrong direction, resulting in me catching up quite nicely. The pack retreated to the correct path but the Amateur, Hash Quack and Legover decided not to follow the crowds they had misled and shortcutted back to join us. The garden path wasn’t a problem and the 1st HH was very welcome as the sweets gave us some much-needed energy.

From this point, I managed to pick up my pace a bit – I suppose it is a bit easier on the downhill to the river! Clodhopper was dishing out the sweets at the 2nd HH, whilst Lassie was already mentally checking out the route; sheep hadn’t been spoken of at the start so it can’t be that way… Can it…?

Legover was quick to pick up the trail, whilst the lovers’ dog, Brian, who I’d been told was named after the drinking, womanizing dog in Family Guy, was now adding sheep-worrying to his repertoire as he’d found his own prize to check out and no one was going to stop him. He finally halted just as it looked as though the sheep were about to be herded into the river. 

Meanwhile, Doggy Fashion took advantage of finding Shag in a compromising position and upended him into the nettles - revenge for announcing her latest acquisition.

On on along the river Severn, a straight path making up part of the Severn Way, which Unlaced walked in it’s entirety last year – a very impressive feat. The 3rd HH at the picturesque Holt Fleet lock required to slow the FRBs down a bit. Then the only way is up…

Under Holt Fleet bridge, left past the Wharf, up and over the road and into Bennett’s Farm where one of my mistakes resulted in the farmer politely telling me the path did not go past his front door (well, it’s easy when you actually know it goes through the vast field of rhubarb!) The Pro tried to sort the wheat from the chaff by talking business to him, although he was a little cautious to say the least.

Back up the lanes, heading back towards Borley, cutting through some fields, a bit of an assault course through the paddock and woods, then the neatly manicured garden, where my trail had been re-laid by the owner apparently not wanting our sort on his lawn!

Back to the on inn for some beautifully fresh sarnies and chips. Phew, I’m glad that’s over and it went well! (I’m not sure what happened to the 4th HH tho…!!)

Down downs: Hot Lips for a brilliant hash, a missing HH and some new favourite sweets – rhubarb & custard jellies; Ollie – our hashling virgin; The Amateur, Hash Quack and Legover for shortcutting (although Hash Quack had already shortcutted home by the time we got round to down downs!) Instant Whip for her badly behaved Brian; and finally, to Shag for his lack of trustworthiness, resulting in him being pushed over into the nettles and also for trying to bungee jump Brian over the stiles (thank goodness for his new harness!)

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Harbour, Arley

Fruiterers Arms Hash route