Monday, 27 January 2014

The Mug House, Claines

# 291

Date: Thursday 23rd January 2014
Pub: The Mug House, Claines
Beers: Oxford Gold, Cocker Hoop, Thatcher’s Gold cider

Food: chips, sandwiches and pasties – lush
Hare: Leg Over (Oh no its wasn’t! Oh yes it was!)
Visitors/virgins: none (well, almost)

Trail: The pantomime hash

About 25 of us arrived for this evening’s performance:

Act 1: The audience was gripped as Widow Twankey delivered the opening lines. There was still some tittering in the wings about one of the ugly sister’s wanting to help by “bashing one out.” Wishy Washy was sent back to the laundry, leaving Aladdin to enlighten us with tonight’s shenanigans.

Widow Twankey made lots of good calls early on and was a real FRB during the first part of the show. Of course, there were the obligatory innuendoes about knickers, plus an impromptu game of racing balls!

Cinderella wasn’t racing back from her ball, she gracefully trotted along at her own pace. She just wasn’t happy with the hills… or the mud… Maybe her glass slipper was giving her some gip?

The pantomime horse (the inseparable, duelling hashlings) got itself into a spot of trouble, requiring intervention from Mother Goose as they wrestled each other to the ground.

It was a long time before the genie appeared to grant us our sweets and beers in the intervals but once it started, the 3 wishes came in quick succession!

All the ugly sisters and princes remained way out at the front, deciphering the way, whilst the fairy godmothers and princesses sweetly followed behind.

Act 2: More mud, muddy puddles, giggles and belly laughs. Aladdin wasn’t giving much away in the way of directions and even conspired in sending a small group off in the wrong direction. It’s behind you! It’s this way! Oh what a hoot!

An all-star cast full of ugly sisters and fairy godmothers, princes and princesses and a hero that got us home in time for tea!

The ugly sisters were still feuding, this time over the sarnies and pasties.

Down downs – awarded by Mother Goose to Aladdin for his inadvertent pantomime hash – oh no it wasn’t! Oh yes it was! Barry the partial virgin as he only turned up for food; Buttons for not being recognized with his clothes on; another ugly sister for turning up unfashionably late in the new year; and finally, to Snow White for her pure innocence.

The post-performance conversations in the green room afterwards would have been enough to make your toes curl – the Fifty Shades of Grey board (bored) game seeming tame in comparison to the effects that books (in general) have on someone’s bodily functions! Never mind, there was still time to unwind with some Pilates…

Tinkerbell x
NB Everyone’s names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.

Friday, 10 January 2014

The Alma Tavern, Worcester


Date: Thursday 9th January, 2014
Pub: The Alma Tavern, Worcester
Beer: Draught John Smiths bitter, Banks Mild
Food: massive trays of chips, with meat or veggie lasagne or chicken curry
Hare: Who's the Daddy
Virgins/visitors: Esme, Tom, Dangerous Dave

Spirits were high as the 25 or so (didn't actually count) hashers mingled with Crossdressers' work colleagues and Still Sore's friend Esme. It was worth the trek all the way down to Worcester, as we were treated to the return of Wet Wipe and the elusive Early Riser.

As we set off up and down the Droitwich Road (with the hare on his bike), there was momentary confusion as nobody had explained the rules to the virgins. There were random joggers running the wrong way to confuse things even more but we eventually found some carefully laid flour. 

I'm sorry but I don't know any street names or local points of interest, but it was all very nice. At one point it looked like we were going to go along the canal, the locals amongst us trying to guess the route, but the hare foxed us all and sent us round the houses. We crossed over the canal, most of us sensibly over the lock gate, but a few young guns didn't think that was dangerous enough, so jumped across the empty lock. Then Copulation had to have a go too, and we were all relieved when everyone was safely over to the other side. Don't try this at home!

Even the yoots in the park were well-dressed and pleasant, though they did heckle us as we dispersed, looking for freshly laid flour. The trail was found and we ran along the canal, trying not to send passing cyclists into the water. There was a hash halt under a bridge with supermarket own-brand sweets. 

So we did some more running and shouting and I have no idea where we went as I was deep in conversation with Russell Sprout about Xboxes. We ended up at another hash halt with Panaché (my predictive text recognises this word now, amazing) and more supermarket own-brand sweets. Which isn't a criticism at all. 

Then I can't remember how we got there, but there was a third hash halt where Plays With IT didn't seem overly concerned that his son was missing in action, along with Torchy and Early Riser. We were entertained with stories about Tom's wardrobe, bless him.

It wasn't far then until the On Inn, but we nearly lost Legover as he was checking it out. He suddenly found himself caught in the high tide in the park.

On our return to the pub we were relieved to see Early Riser, Russell Sprout and Torchy.

What a lovely hash!

Down downs:
Awarded by the lovely Doggie Fashion to hare Who's the Daddy (I always think of Spotted Dick when I write that, what happened to him?), virgins Esme (who had gone home), along with a naming for Tom: Triple Denim for his fashion faux pas. Triple Denim was so keen and we were all so taken with him, he was awarded an extra prize. Wet Wipe also got a down down for being bang tidy, and I think Dangerous for visiting, Copulation for being bare-chested with trousers 'ajar' in the car park, along with a mention for Legover being completely naked after his Austin Powers style manoeuvring.

Tara a bit!


Disclaimer for Copulation: 
All persons featuring in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. 

11th January: Family Hash, Bewdley Wassail, Gardeners Meadow Car Park.

Next week: The Hampstall, Astley Burf

Wednesday, 8 January 2014

Brookfield House

# 287 

Date: Thursday 2nd January 2014 
Venue: Brookfield House
Beers: Anything goes as it’s bring your own… but Skol??? That’s a real blast from the past!
Food: Homemade sausages, mash & onion gravy plus jacket potatoes with tuna mayo and/or cheese and salad… then homemade apple crumble and ice cream for pudding plus loads of other lovely Christmas leftovers…
Hare: well, it should have been Darth Radar but Clodhopper and Boris stepped in to save the day…
Visitors/virgins: none
Trail: the New Year birthday hash splash & mash! (thanks Cleopatra!)

Cleopatra said she’d counted 28 hashers and hashlings but this proved to be a difficult task as most were hiding out in the house hoping they could just go for the birthday splash and then reconvene for the food... This was not to be; we were persuaded outside for the usual preamble and a round of Happy New Year before being sent off to check it out.

There were a few belated festive costumes – Wrong had his Christmas lights on and the Amateur was sporting his Moustache a few weeks too late but hey ho, off we go.

Starting off down Lowe Lane and turning off towards the Bridgnorth Road, everyone was in a very jolly mood and it was great to see the lovers back from their countless outward-bound trips. Darth Radar was way out front, whilst Clodhopper brought up the rear as the off road part of the hash was underway.

The hashlings were treated to a shortcut whilst everyone else was taken on an adventure down to the bog, where they had to negotiate the freezing cold stream before ascending to join us at the 1st hash halt. Sleeping Beauty and Batman were already sharing sweets of their own, whilst Wrong was sharing his New Year wishes.

Back down the lane towards Low Habberley and into the valley, where Sleeping Beauty and I remained at the back, oblivious to any shenanigans that might be going on up front. There was, however, one little incident that Cyclopath asked me not to mention, so I won’t.

Crossdresser found an excuse to sample everyone’s goods at the 2nd HH as Clodhopper had provided refreshments but no bottle opener. He had also mislaid his phone whilst marking the largest HASH HALT ever! Luckily, he found it.

Up through the trees, across the top and out of the valley towards High Habberley where Say No More noticed my plan of keeping my hashlings close by only having one torch. (She should have been here a few weeks ago, I didn’t have one at all!)

Cutting across the corner of Habberley estate and down Manor Avenue, down Habberley Road before heading down into Blake Marsh, where Batman could barely stay on his two feet and we had a very soggy HH.

Back through Franche, where the hashlings were treated to another shortcut and so were back early enough to get into the pool before Bushwhacker and Sprout. Whatever else might have happened out there is a sheer mystery.

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Clodhopper for his hash, splash & mash hash; Darth Radar for being the elusive birthday boy; Hopscotch for the scrummy homemade food; Sweet Tooth for being abandoned by her dad on more than one occasion this evening; Copulation for falling, but as he had abandoned his daughter yet again, his down down was sent home for him ; Plays with IT for his shiny new shoes; and finally, a naming for Emily - Splash Cat.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Alma Tavern, Worcester, WR3 7HT