Date: Thursday 23rd January 2014
Pub: The Mug House, Claines
Beers: Oxford Gold, Cocker Hoop, Thatcher’s Gold cider
Food: chips, sandwiches and pasties – lush
Hare: Leg Over (Oh no its wasn’t! Oh yes it was!)
Visitors/virgins: none (well, almost)
Trail: The pantomime hash
About 25 of us arrived for this evening’s performance:
Act 1: The audience was gripped as Widow Twankey delivered the opening lines. There was still some tittering in the wings about one of the ugly sister’s wanting to help by “bashing one out.” Wishy Washy was sent back to the laundry, leaving Aladdin to enlighten us with tonight’s shenanigans.
Widow Twankey made lots of good calls early on and was a real FRB during the first part of the show. Of course, there were the obligatory innuendoes about knickers, plus an impromptu game of racing balls!
Cinderella wasn’t racing back from her ball, she gracefully trotted along at her own pace. She just wasn’t happy with the hills… or the mud… Maybe her glass slipper was giving her some gip?
The pantomime horse (the inseparable, duelling hashlings) got itself into a spot of trouble, requiring intervention from Mother Goose as they wrestled each other to the ground.
It was a long time before the genie appeared to grant us our sweets and beers in the intervals but once it started, the 3 wishes came in quick succession!
All the ugly sisters and princes remained way out at the front, deciphering the way, whilst the fairy godmothers and princesses sweetly followed behind.
Act 2: More mud, muddy puddles, giggles and belly laughs. Aladdin wasn’t giving much away in the way of directions and even conspired in sending a small group off in the wrong direction. It’s behind you! It’s this way! Oh what a hoot!
An all-star cast full of ugly sisters and fairy godmothers, princes and princesses and a hero that got us home in time for tea!
The ugly sisters were still feuding, this time over the sarnies and pasties.
Down downs – awarded by Mother Goose to Aladdin for his inadvertent pantomime hash – oh no it wasn’t! Oh yes it was! Barry the partial virgin as he only turned up for food; Buttons for not being recognized with his clothes on; another ugly sister for turning up unfashionably late in the new year; and finally, to Snow White for her pure innocence.
The post-performance conversations in the green room afterwards would have been enough to make your toes curl – the Fifty Shades of Grey board (bored) game seeming tame in comparison to the effects that books (in general) have on someone’s bodily functions! Never mind, there was still time to unwind with some Pilates…
NB Everyone’s names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.