Thursday, 29 May 2014

The Swan, Chaddesley Corbett

Date: Thursday 22nd May 2014
Venue: The Swan, Chaddesley Corbett
Beer: Bathams
Food: sandwiches, pork pies and chips
Hares: Crossdresser and Early Riser
Virgins/visitors: Dan - would we call him a virgin/visitor? He deserves a mention, I think.

As the less-than-25-or-so hashers gathered in the car park with dark clouds threatening above, there was much debate as to whether we were going to stay dry...and then Genital Reminder revealed that his shorts were, in fact, already wet. He quickly sorted this out with a tactical tying of his top around his waist, Who's the Daddy restored calm, Dr Whiplash finished his half and we listened to Crossdresser's words about the trail.
Shortly after setting off, Annie the dog staged a dirty protest on a neatly manicured lawn causing much embarrassment to Comes First and In the Bush. The rest of us sniggered while we tried, in vain, to look for flour that had been washed away.
Russell Sprout soon regretted winding up fellow hashers as Copulation responded with rapid initial restraint into a pile of poo.
This was a few days ago now and I can't remember much and my photos aren't really helping me...but I'll never forget the stampeding cattle and Clodhopper's masterful cow herding skills. Amazing.
I remember Crossdresser pointing out patchy checks and Early Riser sending me off in the wrong direction...and the cutest pony in the world...along with some jumpy horses who were tamed by equally amazing Bubbles the horse whisperer.
We had some nice beer, Copulation did an amazing impression of our Iron Men through a traffic cone and there was some competitive planking at a hash halt.
But I don't remember why Crossdresser has written 'Imelda Marcos...Nic' in his notes. Soz.
Down downs:

Awarded by Crossdresser to himself and Early Riser for the best hash ever! Why does it say 'boobs' on the notes? Also to Comes First/in the Bush for Annie's deposit on the lawn, Clodhopper for his epic cow herding, Imelda Marcos Nic and Dan for planking with Wrong. Legover and Bubbles didn't get one for their attention seeking behaviour and neither did James for saying the RA wasn't funny enough.
Sorry, Hot Lips, I don't feel I've given it my all...I promise to try harder next time!
Cleopatra x
Next week: Kim's house, swimwear fancy dress.
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Monday, 19 May 2014

The Wagon Wheel, Grimley

Hash 308
Date: Thursday 15th May 2014
Pub: The Wagon Wheel, Grimley
Beers: Doom Bar
Food: Lasagne, chips & salad
Hare: Copulation
Visitors/virgins: none
Trail: Copulation's Challenge Crossdresser!

We're late! Three of us left kidderminster at 18.57 to the tune of "we won't be late, we never leave on time anyway." There were numerous text messages & phonecalls along the way and we arrived at the pub very late under a very tense cloud. There was barely time for Cleopatra to change out of her ballet pumps, let alone have a wee!
We followed instructions rather than flour, taking us out of the car park, turning right then left down the side of a house, across a field and towards the quarry. There was a bridge taking us over the conveyor belt plus warnings of klaxons.
Crossdresser wanted to go right, Cleopatra thought she heard everyone straight ahead whilst I was enjoying the view - I had no idea there was a quarry here! Crossdresser got 
back on the phone and we got back on track, finally catching up after a long incline.

Through Top Barn where we overtook Shag & Tits or Treats, who we're too busy to notice. Up the path & to the 1st HH, complete with sweets - well done!
Shag was confused about who was car sharing with who, Wrong was planking & Dr Jeckyll still wasn't very happy with the horn.
Down the lane, over the main road and into some fields where Bristols and Say No More were way out ahead, Golden Shower was without his 4 legged friend and Shirley was holding off an asthma attack.
There seemed to be a scuffle in a little alleyway with Demon Dog, another dog & Bushwacker but that was solved by following another path.
Down through a paddock and into the woods where the group were split and some serious off roading was required to get back on track.
HH2 was in a picturesque woodland with more sweets, more planking and some spanking from Tits or Treats.
Upwards across more grassy fields where the FRBs were told to wait back. There was more planking, including communal planking, some goading from the yoofs and Shag found one of Crossdressers lost balls.
At the 3rd HH we were treated to beers, juice & sweets. Sprout was led astray by his dad whilst Darth Radar lay low getting under people's feet.
All gassy with beer, Doggy Fashion and the Pro were heard talking about foreign bodies when Cinderella came to the rescue with helpful advice.
I'm not sure if the yoofs had any beer but they did become a little lively and there seemed to be some restraining going on down by the river.
Copulation was cow-whispering from afar (and above) as the herd looked on. Demon Dog was shooed back to his owner in fear and we safely exited that field.
A strange gated path between the lakes saw us take an extended loop away from and back to the on inn for the largest and hottest portion of lasagne ever!
Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Copulation for the best hash ever, however missing the first quarter of it meant he'd been a seething ball of anger since 6.55pm. Thankfully, he got over it but awarded Cleopatra for over-promising but under-delivering; Cyclopath for her‪#‎happydays‬; Tits or Treats for her Blue Peter (Rainbow) sense of style and finally to Leg Over, our very own half iron man - not that we'd known - there were T-shirts, medals and only about 14,000 photos on Facebook!
Hot Lips x
Next week: somewhere in Bromsgrove...
(Crossdresser must be having another technical hitch)

Monday, 12 May 2014

The Talbot, Knightwick

Hash 307
Date: Thursday 8th May 2014
Pub: The Talbot, Knightwick
Beers: Saint of Ales, This, That & T'Other
Food: children's size chicken casserole (but we're BIG kids!)
Hare: Shag
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Shag's Once, Twice, Three times he's laid it hash
There was a problem actually getting to the hash this evening, a young fire officer was redirecting traffic away from the road where a lorry that had shed it's load. Looking back, this might just have been yet another of Shag's minions...
And so, we finally made it to the Talbot to find the hare emerging from out of nowhere covered in flour - had someone laid their hands on him? A quick count up for food and we were off as we needed to be back before dark...
Clues were given, telling us the way to go at the start, and it soon became apparent that the trail must have been laid on a Ley line. There was talk of running half of the trail in one direction only to turn round & run right back again!
Doggy Fashion had been employed to lay lady lay, although she didn't have the same floury tinge to her colour. Maybe she was just the driver?
Copulation was confused by a private fishing sign but Bristols' knowledge of the country code led us onwards. Once he got going again, Copulation enthusiastically checked out possible trails (plus performing some cow whispering too), although the rest of us had worked out,with good reason, that we were better off sticking to the roads.
Another field of cattle caused some anxiety, with Lassie trying to get Bushwhacker and Russell Sprout to slow down and Game Bird and myself hanging onto each other and Lassie for dear life - where's Copulation when you need him? (And how did they get the car down here?)
Back out onto the road (phew) and a couple of fish hooks to slow the FRBs down and keep the pack together (some of us use HHs!) Doggy Fashion got caught flouting the rules at the 2nd, Crossdresser could have found some ammo for the down downs here but he fortunately forgot.
A few gates and paths later and we finally found the first HH on a Bailey bridge. Sadly, no Baileys, or any other type of refreshment, but you could get a vehicle over here!
The view was lovely and Shag quizzed us and enlightened us on some facts about Bailey bridges; Bushwhacker being commended for actually listening in class this morning.
On up the track and through another gate into the farm. The Amateur let on that he'd run the same trail on Tuesday so I stuck with him for a while but even he was getting fed up with the fish hooks and by the time the 3rd was found, everyone was petting horses instead of obeying the rules.
On on down the road and the Amateur slyly continued forward at the next check. I pondered for a moment, then the Pro came along and we got chatting and followed him anyway, only to be called back to the "closed" path through the field (typically Shag!)
Cars were forgotten about for a while as we gracefully galloped through the field and down to to river where we then ungracefully scrambled along the slippy river bank. Crossdresser managed to lead some of us astray along the higher assault course path, causing much amusement for the hare as he walked the lower path.
Genital Reminder was a true gent, helping the ladies through the obstacles, whilst Tough Love was content just bashing things with his stick.
Over a stile, across a lusciously wet field and on to HH number 2, an idyllic church setting, perfect for some refreshments. We had been waiting for ages before the hare stumbled across us calling "refreshments this way!"
We all dutifully followed, hoping for something, realising there was nothing but the trail to do. Lassie found some flour up the road but we were called back to take the path across the field, prompting more jeering about the hiring of staff to lay this trail.
Due to the lack of vehicular access for the last part, the group was split, although the smarter ones amongst us followed the road back to the on inn!

Hot Lips x

Down downs were awarded by Crossdresser:
"I'm undecided. Was it the best or the worst hash ever? There's lots to suggest it was the worst. At the start I had a little rhyme to work out if I was on the right route....can you get in a van? Yes you can! No sweets, no drinks, lots of nettles, lots of landslides. But it had some redeeming features.....oh no it didn't! Up you come Shag.
We didn't get a chance last week to thank our old RA, Doggy Fashion. But she came up trumps straightaway for a down down. She looks like Limahl from Kajagoogoo. She looked up deforestation on the internet with her class! And she has been a brilliant RA...
Lassie made several attempts to fall over before he finally did. Hop up Bambi!
Declan must be a very lucky lad. His old man didn't give away the tooth fairy, Father Christmas or The Grinch. And he didn't give away the route tonight either. Well done Secret Squirrel.
There was a lot of rule breaking tonight. Shag made a new rule. First 10 had to run to the back. Loads of offenders. But Beavis and Butthead win for being stroppy teenagers as well."

Next week: The Wagon Wheel, Grimley, WR2 6LU

Thursday, 8 May 2014

The Royal Forester AGM Hash

Hash 306

Date: Thursday 1st May 2014
Pub: The Royal Forester
Beers: HPA
Food: chicken drumsticks/veggie curry, rice & salad
Hare: Compost, Hash Quack
Visitors/virgins: Ilse

Trail: Compost's Quacking trail

Another beautiful spring evening for 25 or so hashers and a four legged friend, Annie. Crossdresser was back with a vengeance and was seen getting amongst it on the car park with Shag; Dr Whiplash was almost caught hash flashing whilst the Pro was only slightly impressed with my storm trooper.

Trenchfoot graced us with his presence whilst Compost decided not to and was leaving Hash Quack in charge: 4 miles, 4 hash halts some flour or sawdust, now go & check it out down the hill!

A little bit of on road before taking a right down a path, for the rest of the off roader. I was more intrigued by the courage of the lone newcomer and we exchanged stories.

Through beautiful fields of gold ran Clodhopper and Sprout whilst the rest of us hung around seizing photo opportunities, awaiting the hare to show us the way... (Which she duly did!)

Through the farm & to the first HH, where doggie Annie was incensed by the wind turbine, Whiplash went to great lengths to get his picture and Crossdresser went to great lengths to try & knock him off his perch. 

A speedy downhill into the woods and some very muddy paths, where we also remembered that Hash Quack's forte is not bringing up the rear. 

Some bluebell woods and a couple of stiles later & we also realised that knowing the trail was neither her nor her family's forte either! The HH would be here, if only it wasn't over there. Oh well, perfect chance for more photos!

Compost decided to join us at the next HH, his car boot laden with refreshments. Cue more photos of the original Wyre Forest H3 and this year's AGM where Who's The Daddy was elected GM, Crossdresser was elected RA, Game Bird keeps Hash Cash, Clodhopper remains Hare Raiser and Dr Jeckyll got the horn, with immediate effect.

Hash Quack sent us off into the wilderness again; yet more bluebell woods and muddy paths - lovely! Tough Love was missing his school mistress this evening and had to make do with the nurse maid instead, whilst Cleopatra made a splash to a round of applause and the awaiting reward of sweets.

The final leg through the woods saw Tough Love get shy & Dr Jeckyll find out my secret to a good blog - ssshhh, don't tell!

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to:

Compost - the greatest hash ever. I love the fact that you retired to your car after sending us off....thankfully with a bootful of beer! 

Your trusty deputy. Rachel. Just the person to have. Knew the route like the back of her hand. Pity it was written on Composts hand! Olivia was about as much use as a chocolate teapot. 

Now, after we do intros and describe the route, there is now a new call after 'Check it out' and that's 'Taxi for Sheldon!' He never does a full hash these days. 

Ilsa. Our first ever Dutch runner. You're annoyingly good as well. Good job we don't vote UKiP, otherwise you'd be taking the job of a British Hasher. 

There is a new GM. A man of great intelligence. So intelligent he wasn't going to step in the puddle by the kissing gate. So stood on the gate, gracefully swung over it....and fell in the puddle!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Talbot, Knightwick, WR6 5PH