The Talbot, Knightwick

Hash 307

Date: Thursday 8th May 2014
Pub: The Talbot, Knightwick
Beers: Saint of Ales, This, That & T'Other
Food: children's size chicken casserole (but we're BIG kids!)
Hare: Shag
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Shag's Once, Twice, Three times he's laid it hash

There was a problem actually getting to the hash this evening, a young fire officer was redirecting traffic away from the road where a lorry that had shed it's load. Looking back, this might just have been yet another of Shag's minions...

And so, we finally made it to the Talbot to find the hare emerging from out of nowhere covered in flour - had someone laid their hands on him? A quick count up for food and we were off as we needed to be back before dark...

Clues were given, telling us the way to go at the start, and it soon became apparent that the trail must have been laid on a Ley line. There was talk of running half of the trail in one direction only to turn round & run right back again!

Doggy Fashion had been employed to lay lady lay, although she didn't have the same floury tinge to her colour. Maybe she was just the driver?

Copulation was confused by a private fishing sign but Bristols' knowledge of the country code led us onwards. Once he got going again, Copulation enthusiastically checked out possible trails (plus performing some cow whispering too), although the rest of us had worked out,with good reason, that we were better off sticking to the roads.

Another field of cattle caused some anxiety, with Lassie trying to get Bushwhacker and Russell Sprout to slow down and Game Bird and myself hanging onto each other and Lassie for dear life - where's Copulation when you need him? (And how did they get the car down here?)

Back out onto the road (phew) and a couple of fish hooks to slow the FRBs down and keep the pack together (some of us use HHs!) Doggy Fashion got caught flouting the rules at the 2nd, Crossdresser could have found some ammo for the down downs here but he fortunately forgot.

A few gates and paths later and we finally found the first HH on a Bailey bridge. Sadly, no Baileys, or any other type of refreshment, but you could get a vehicle over here!

The view was lovely and Shag quizzed us and enlightened us on some facts about Bailey bridges; Bushwhacker being commended for actually listening in class this morning.

On up the track and through another gate into the farm. The Amateur let on that he'd run the same trail on Tuesday so I stuck with him for a while but even he was getting fed up with the fish hooks and by the time the 3rd was found, everyone was petting horses instead of obeying the rules.

On on down the road and the Amateur slyly continued forward at the next check. I pondered for a moment, then the Pro came along and we got chatting and followed him anyway, only to be called back to the "closed" path through the field (typically Shag!)

Cars were forgotten about for a while as we gracefully galloped through the field and down to to river where we then ungracefully scrambled along the slippy river bank. Crossdresser managed to lead some of us astray along the higher assault course path, causing much amusement for the hare as he walked the lower path.

Genital Reminder was a true gent, helping the ladies through the obstacles, whilst Tough Love was content just bashing things with his stick.

Over a stile, across a lusciously wet field and on to HH number 2, an idyllic church setting, perfect for some refreshments. We had been waiting for ages before the hare stumbled across us calling "refreshments this way!"

We all dutifully followed, hoping for something, realising there was nothing but the trail to do. Lassie found some flour up the road but we were called back to take the path across the field, prompting more jeering about the hiring of staff to lay this trail.

Due to the lack of vehicular access for the last part, the group was split, although the smarter ones amongst us followed the road back to the on inn!

Hot Lips x

Down downs were awarded by Crossdresser:

"I'm undecided. Was it the best or the worst hash ever? There's lots to suggest it was the worst. At the start I had a little rhyme to work out if I was on the right route....can you get in a van? Yes you can! No sweets, no drinks, lots of nettles, lots of landslides. But it had some redeeming features.....oh no it didn't! Up you come Shag.

We didn't get a chance last week to thank our old RA, Doggy Fashion. But she came up trumps straightaway for a down down. She looks like Limahl from Kajagoogoo. She looked up deforestation on the internet with her class! And she has been a brilliant RA...

Lassie made several attempts to fall over before he finally did. Hop up Bambi!

Declan must be a very lucky lad. His old man didn't give away the tooth fairy, Father Christmas or The Grinch. And he didn't give away the route tonight either. Well done Secret Squirrel.

There was a lot of rule breaking tonight. Shag made a new rule. First 10 had to run to the back. Loads of offenders. But Beavis and Butthead win for being stroppy teenagers as well."

Next week: The Wagon Wheel, Grimley, WR2 6LU