Tuesday, 29 April 2014

The Button Oak

Hash 305
Date: Thursday 24th April
Pub: The Button Oak
Beers: Butty Bach, Doom Bar, Ciders: Stowford Press, Thatcher's Gold
Food: off the menu (all excellent)
Hare: Game Bird
Visitors/virgins: none
Trail: Game Bird's greatest hash ever!
About 25 hashers gathered for this evening's lovely spring hash. It's still the Easter holidays, so there were lots of hashlings, plus a couple of canines. Lovely to see Say No More and Bristols out tonight too. Tits or Treats has also made a welcome return and needed to either calm her nerves or quench her thirst on the car park before setting off.
Our GM was still AWOL so we volunteered the Amateur for the job again. He did try to protest that he wasn't the deputy GM but when we reminded him who it actually was he agreed to stand in. We armed him with the information required, he got on his blower and called us to order.
Game Bird filled us in with the details: mud, mud & more mud. Maybe some flour, definitely some bluebells but mostly mud. Hash Quack was keen to get moving and went off to check it out up the hill.
And so, down the hill and turning right into the forest, getting amongst the mud right from the start. Sleeping Beauty slipped over very early on, christening her brand new trainers, trousers & her teddy good & proper! Thankfully there were no tears, she got right back up and soldiered on, helped by the HH bribes.
Now, I spent most (all) of the hash at the back so was worried about writing the blog, as I wasn't really in the thick of it, but here goes anyway.
A muddy, brambly trail with a few checks for the FRBs. At the first HH we were treated to chocolate crunchie bites & eclairs and Dr Jeckyll and Sucks It Up regressed back to their youth and were photo-bombing.
Off through the woods again, lots more mud, bracken & brambles. We we still at the back until I was helped up to the top of a great big hill to HH number 2 with a terrific view and some lovely jelly sweets.
Windy Miller was concerned for Cleopatra's safety, Darth Radar was photo bombing this time, Sprout & Bushwacker were flat out on the floor, whilst Bubbles was practising his pliƩ (I only know this because of Dr Whiplash's video).
A clever twist as the trail double backed on itself and we went racing back down the hill - the hashlings loved this bit! (Me too!)
Cutting back through the woods again where Shag, Doggy Fashion, Sucks It Up, Sleeping Beauty ended up at the back yet again, walking and talking. The rest of the pack raced on ahead and the hare was nowhere to be seen. The markings were minimal although the checks were nigh on perfect circles and well-marked by the FRBs (just as well as we didn't hear much calling (or were we just too far behind to hear?)
Shag found his lookout point but still couldn't locate anyone. Luckily the trail was pretty straightforward & we soon caught up at the 3rd HH with a water feature, Duncan making a splash, whilst Bubbles had saved some apple rings for us latecomers with the little legs.
Off up the hill and out into the open, Darth Radar was playfully splashing Windy Miller, Wrong was splashing himself in the muddy puddles, whilst Olivia and Christian (not Henry, as incorrectly stated last week) emerged from some nearby bushes!
A sign told us we were near to Dowles Brook but we didn't go that way. Genital Reminder was on hand to help the littleys, the elderly and the infirm at the climbing wall and yet another ascent up yet another muddy trail. Windy Miller had a lift from a windy Shag and was jet-propelled up the hill to the final HH with peach rings this time - the best yet!
A plan was hatched to get the hashlings out at the front, which worked for all of 2 minutes before all were overtaken. Well Laid is right though, with the HH's, it's fine to walk, you eventually catch up!
Turning right at the next junction and a fabulous downhill (as long as you missed the boggy hoof marks) back to the on inn.
A wonderful hash with wonderful hills, views, sweets and mud plus the added bonus that no one got lost (including the hare)
Massive thanks to the Button Oak!
Down downs: awarded by an amplified Doggy Fashion to Game Bird (& Maisie) for her excellent quality bluebell run; Bubbles her loyal assistant, carrying the sweets and providing some entertainment with his moves; Sleeping Beauty for falling early with her teddy but remaining a brave runner for the rest of the hash; Hash Quack for losing her shoe; Dr Jeckyll for exhibiting his tight, stripey underwear back at the on inn; and finally, namings for our 2 newest recruits: Comes First for Olivia and In The Bush for Christian.
Hot Lips x
Next week: The Royal Forrester, Callow Hill, DY14 9XW (AGM too)
We need some more hashes laid too please - have a look at the website & let Clodhopper know when and where, thanks!
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The Swan, Martin Hussingtree

Hash 304
Date: Thursday 17th April 2014
Pub: The Swan, Martin Hussingtree
Beers: Hobgoblin, Cockerhoop, Brakspear Bitter
Food: 2 for £10 off the menu
Hare: Lassie (the Easter bunny)
Visitors/virgins: Olivia & Henry
Trail: Lassie's Easter bunny trail
It was lovely to see a few Hashlings out this evening as Windy Miller, Thing 2 and Batman had joined the 20 hashers and 3 wammals. Some questioned the lack of information on the website about bringing their own Hashlings whilst the astute amongst us knew it was the Easter holidays as the peskies had almost had one week of driving us insane already. Great to see both of the Ward teens were back from Uni too.
A later start this evening as we were waiting for folk to arrive - Cinderella, chauffeuring Clodhopper, screeched into the car park on 2 wheels & precision-parked neatly into a space; Game Bird & Cyclopath careered into the next space, only to go off on their own trail; finally Leg Over appeared just as we were about to leave and reversed into his space with slightly less precision (according to Genital Reminder anyway).
There were yet more misdemeanours noted in the car park as the Amateur was sporting some garish footwear and Dr Whiplash had "styled" his barnet with some hair product or another.
Our regular GM had gone AWOL, so in his new shoes, the Amateur stepped up to the mark, asked a few questions and handed over to Lassie for tonight's rules.
We finally set off, only to come to an abrupt stop as Who's The Daddy crossed the main road. Someone had obviously NOT been listening! Astounded and amused, we let him check it out alone.
The Amateur, Batman & myself headed up a precarious road route only to be called back down towards Dave's Garden Centre. We soon had to slow to a walk for the oncoming horse but Demon Dog tried to spook it anyway.
A mixture of on and off road early on, some clever trail-laying by Lassie causing confusion in the fields but we soon got back on track, Cinderella was asking how not to fail her driving test and we were rewarded with mini eggs and Love Hearts at the 1st HH.
Shag's presbyopia prevented him from reading the messages but with a good throw he can catch one with no hands. Doggy Fashion, believing it all to be in the throw, complained when her sweet hit the ground.
Copulation and Leg Over were messing around with stones but Copulation came off worse and ended up with a big mud (?) stain on his leg.
Down the road to the next check, where Hash Quack was so far ahead that we could barely see her and she could barely hear us calling her back. Luckily, Annie (the dog) brought her back to heel.
Lots of beautiful scenery again this evening, some long grassy fields and over towards Hindlip Police Headquarters, with a stunning sunset to the right and a chatty Torchy Boy and Doggy Fashion in walking mode.
Festive refreshments at the next HH with hot cross buns, more mini eggs, beers & juices before continuing down the lane and a cheeky check back to slow the FRBs down. Clodhopper was amused by Hash Quack's attempt at short cutting whereas Doggy Fashion was totally shocked at her shenanigans!
Windy Miller and Thing 2 we're struggling with the distance a little - or we're they cleverly abusing Leg Over's braun? Shag tried to "help" the alpha males competed but this only resulted in a head injury for poor Cleopatra.
Over the railway bridge to the next HH to hear tales of Bushwacker's work experience, Doggy Fashion's tales of how misshapen eggs are caused, whilst Copulation relieved himself (number 1).
A little bit more on road through the estate, where Batman took a tumble that slowed him down, Hash Quack said it was down to the wrong trousers. Back over the railway line, where luckily there were no more casualties although we'd all been a bit slow tonight and we needed to get back for tea so we bypassed the last HH and headed straight back to the on inn, where Copulation relieved himself again (number 2).
Massive thanks to The Swan
Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Lassie, the Easter Bunny, for his fabulous railway hash complete with mini eggs and hot cross buns; Copulation was charged with relieving himself in a public place; Dr Whiplash for his Something About Mary do; Batman for his serious knee injury; Leg Over for being the professional child-carrier and finally Shag for ABH.
Hot Lips x
Next week: The Button Oak, Button Oak, DY12 3AQ

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

The Ladybird, Aston Fields, Bromsgrove

#302 The sensible blog. Other blogs are available.
Date: Thursday 3rd April, 2014
Pub: The Ladybird, Aston Fields, Bromsgrove
Beers: Bathams yum yum!
Food: Best Chicken Curry, Rice and Chips EVER!
Hare: Crossdresser (minus Wet Wipe and Triple Denim)
Visitors/Virgins: None. But welcome return of Early Riser, Olivia and Christian
I'm feeling insecure about my writing after the recent competitive blogging but I'm hoping there's still a space for my vague ramblings.
We had a nervous hare tonight. Would people turn up to the first British Summer Time hash, what with it being all the way out in Bromsgrove, given the current weather conditions?
As usual, there were 25 or so hashers, who were also nervous. Would we need torches? Masks? Sunglasses?

We set off amidst the chaos of the temporary traffic lights and I'm pretty sure we went left and eventually left again down towards the train line. A long, straight stretch alongside the railway followed until we came to a hash halt. As it was to be the first of 5, Crossdresser allowed us to have one or two Haribos, while watching that Darth Radar didn't scoff them all. Is this the one that Early Riser missed? I'm not sure. I know we went through a smart estate of new-builds and reached a canal before heading over (under?) the railway line towards the Queen's Head. Shag thought it looked like the kind of place you could take a lady. This might be where we lost Early Riser but he was on familiar territory. Which was good because it was starting to go dark as the trail led us through slippery fields with cute lambs (aahhh).

The air was heavy and the more feeble amongst us were starting to suffer with the lack of oxygen. The third (?) hash halt at the Gate Hangs Well was a perfect comfort stop for a half of Doom Bar and a wee. I loved the fact that although Charlie is never under control on the roads, his master had dutifully put his lead on him, heeding the 'Dogs are welcome but must be kept on a lead' sign. As Charlie was wandering around trailing said lead, Shag pointed out that it doesn't say anyone has to be actually holding the lead...

Anyway this is probably where the rain started...just gentle spitting at first, which washed away the Saharan dust quite nicely. It got heavier and heavier and it was clear we were still miles from the On Inn. Copulation was keen to get back for his night shift as Clodhopper searched frantically for flour without a torch.

Somewhere around here we met a herd of stampeding cows and there was the temporary relief of a forest trail which offered some shelter from the rain. The conditions were likened to the Battle of the Somme as it became increasingly muddy.

A final HH by a canal didn't last long as we were keen to get home and dry as we slipped and slid across a field and hit the lanes that would take us back to the Ladybird Inn.
Down downs:
Doggy Fashion kindly gave Crossdresser his own 2/3 pint for almost the best hash ever. Who's the Daddy got one for his stylish apparel while Cyclopath earned one for her American speed walking. Torchy got one but I can't remember why. Soz.
The curry was amazing. You'd have loved it, Copulation. And there was loads. Dangerous turned up for food and Darth Radar and Buzz Lightyear had such fun with the large magnet.
Nearly had Keygate II as it became apparent that my car key was missing the crucial half needed to start the engine. It was fine, though.
Cleopatra x
Next week: The New Inn, Shrawley