Fruiterers Arms Hash

I wonder when the next boat leaves here?

# 266 (it might as well have been hash 666 for me)

Date: Thursday 8th August 2013
Pub: The Fruiterer’s Arms, Uphampton
Beer: King’s Shilling, Arrowhead, Fruiterer’s Mild 
Food: Cheese & ham sarnies & chips
Hare: Hot Lips
Virgins: Ollie
Visitors: none

Trail: I’ve named this the “It’ll be alright on the night” hash!

I had an unusual sense of impending doom regarding this hash for some strange reason or another: I’d not run for 3 weeks, booked to do this on a day when I was working (confused off duty, never good), only managed to do half a recce of the trail on Sunday when rain stopped play and I got flashbacks from that tragic rain swept night last October, I pulled myself together again and hooked up with Father Christmas to lay the trail on Wednesday and we got a little lost in places, I almost forgot the hash halts but was, finally, pretty pleased with it as I’d used 5 bags of flour! (fingers crossed for no rain)

Then on the day, I left work late and there was no GM again… Can anything else go wrong? Wrong stepped in to GM but forgot my hash name – shall I just go home now? Wrong nearly did!

Oh well, here goes… 

A mixture of on and off road on this sunny evening for the 22 hashers, 1 hashling and a few canines. Due to my lack of recent exercise, I was very glad to be at the back chatting with Instant Whip and Tits or Treats, whilst trying to remember to mark the on inn. Clodhopper arrived fashionably late and was rewarded with relieving me of my rucksack. Despite this, I still almost had an asthma attack at the top of the hill (and I’m not even asthmatic!)

Cutting down through Hillhampton Woods and a clever falsie sent the pack off in the wrong direction, resulting in me catching up quite nicely. The pack retreated to the correct path but the Amateur, Hash Quack and Legover decided not to follow the crowds they had misled and shortcutted back to join us. The garden path wasn’t a problem and the 1st HH was very welcome as the sweets gave us some much-needed energy.

From this point, I managed to pick up my pace a bit – I suppose it is a bit easier on the downhill to the river! Clodhopper was dishing out the sweets at the 2nd HH, whilst Lassie was already mentally checking out the route; sheep hadn’t been spoken of at the start so it can’t be that way… Can it…?

Legover was quick to pick up the trail, whilst the lovers’ dog, Brian, who I’d been told was named after the drinking, womanizing dog in Family Guy, was now adding sheep-worrying to his repertoire as he’d found his own prize to check out and no one was going to stop him. He finally halted just as it looked as though the sheep were about to be herded into the river. 

Meanwhile, Doggy Fashion took advantage of finding Shag in a compromising position and upended him into the nettles - revenge for announcing her latest acquisition.

On on along the river Severn, a straight path making up part of the Severn Way, which Unlaced walked in it’s entirety last year – a very impressive feat. The 3rd HH at the picturesque Holt Fleet lock required to slow the FRBs down a bit. Then the only way is up…

Under Holt Fleet bridge, left past the Wharf, up and over the road and into Bennett’s Farm where one of my mistakes resulted in the farmer politely telling me the path did not go past his front door (well, it’s easy when you actually know it goes through the vast field of rhubarb!) The Pro tried to sort the wheat from the chaff by talking business to him, although he was a little cautious to say the least.

Back up the lanes, heading back towards Borley, cutting through some fields, a bit of an assault course through the paddock and woods, then the neatly manicured garden, where my trail had been re-laid by the owner apparently not wanting our sort on his lawn!

Back to the on inn for some beautifully fresh sarnies and chips. Phew, I’m glad that’s over and it went well! (I’m not sure what happened to the 4th HH tho…!!)

Down downs: Hot Lips for a brilliant hash, a missing HH and some new favourite sweets – rhubarb & custard jellies; Ollie – our hashling virgin; The Amateur, Hash Quack and Legover for shortcutting (although Hash Quack had already shortcutted home by the time we got round to down downs!) Instant Whip for her badly behaved Brian; and finally, to Shag for his lack of trustworthiness, resulting in him being pushed over into the nettles and also for trying to bungee jump Brian over the stiles (thank goodness for his new harness!)

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Harbour, Arley

Fruiterers Arms Hash route