Friday, 29 March 2013

The Loom & Shuttle, Kidderminster

Date: 28 March 201313. 

Pub: The Loom and Shuttle, Kidderminster
Food: Carvery
Beer: I’ve kept up the pretence for Hot Lips’ sake but I don’t drink the stuff, so, frankly who cares? 
Hare: Clodhopper

A very prompt start tonight as we had to be back at the pub by 8.20pm for the food. It was probably just as well that we were without Hot Lips’ and her associated child care issues, otherwise, it could have been chip butties all round. 
I always find this bit hard as I don’t have one of those internal sat nav systems that Hot Lips was installed with when she left the factory. We started off on the Stourport Road in Kidderminster. It had taken all of Bristols’ expert navigation to get me into the car park as there was no right turn outside the pub itself.
I will now attempt to describe the route. We passed some houses, some were detached, others weren’t. We snaked our way (that makes it sound geographically technical) to the left and passed some flats. Soon, I was beginning to regret wearing off-roaders as it was all very tarmacky. Suddenly we came across an enormous hole in the ground that Shag tried to fall into, hoping to sue. Then we were off road, underfoot the going was sandy and we headed west (well, we probably didn’t). At the first hash halt Clodhopper cracked out the Easter eggs and the Fruit Pastilles. 
We continued and emerged from the undergrowth to be accosted yet again by a local resident. He insisted that it was a private road and that we were not allowed to run up it. At that moment Clodhopper appeared and led us down a footpath that was a right of way much to everyone’s relief. Momentarily someone must have rebooted me as I recognised where I was - Rhydd Covert! 
Before long we were back in the housing estate and heading east (no not really!). People who have on board navigation systems were starting to guess where the ‘on inn’ would be and headed off down the road. But Clodhopper had found a sneaky path through the trees and sent us down there instead, due south, if I remember correctly. 

Down Downs: 

Clodhopper: For laying the most amazing hash ever and for being my favourite hare. There were those that were moaning about the lack of flour but I urge you to think about the quality of the paths. 
Cinderella and Darth Vader: It was assumed that they had had some input in laying the hash but it turns out they hadn’t.
Well Laid: For front running but she had actually left early.
Pootle: Hawaii Five-O shorts over the top of Ron Hills (Ron Hills, the garments, not a place on my sat nav). You just need the moustache now, Martin. As it happens, I did have quite a girlhood crush on Tom Sellack along with Humphrey from Yes, Prime Minister.
Game Bird: For a welcome return and for arriving with a Bailey’s cheesecake. 
Cross-Dresser: For washing his mud claws in the shower and shoulder barging Russell into the undergrowth. 

Announcement: Despite being injured, an inventive Game Bird has already found a way around her predicament: Bubbles has had to carry her everywhere. This pairing has proved such a success that apparently they have already entered the 2013 Wife Carrying Championships held in Finland on July 4th. In order to maximise their chances they are planning on laying the 250th Red Dress Hash with Kim clinging on behind.

Doggie Fashion (Guest Blogger)

Next week: The Water Mill, Kidderminster

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