Old Rose and Crown, Stourport

Hash 313

Date: Thursday 19th June 2014
Pub: Old Rose and Crown, Stourport
Beers/ciders: Banks's Bitter, Doon Boggle, Strongbow, Thatchers Gold
Food: off the menu
Hare: Lassie
Visitors:virgins: Mark

Trail: Lassie's midsummer surprises!

Sixteen hashers and a couple of hounds turned out for tonight's 5 mile summer spectacular. Say No More was sporting some new shoes but there were a couple more in new shoes too so she might be spared later...

Bushwacker had passed his test and was eyeing up potential vehicles, Sprout and Buzz Lightyear were eyeing up their escape routes whilst Shag and Darth Radar we're trying to tie themselves in knots. After a few circles, Jasper decided to leave the real run to Demon Dog.

The air was tense with the realisation of the lack of our newly appointed RA and the deputy wished he had his own deputy!

Mrs Lassie was organising the food whilst Who's The Daddy needed a personal organiser - thank goodness for technology! He handed over to Lassie for the lowdown and we swiftly got on with it.

We all went out of the car park and over to the right but we're soon called back to go left and through the beer garden. Another falsie brought the keen FRBs back and through the gate where Dr Whiplash thought I was falling for him but I was just on dodgy ground.

The Pro was concerned about the cow stuck in the tree, Bristols and Say No More were trying to name it, we then had a bit of catching up to do.

Up onto the sandy paths of Hartlebury Common, where our usually knowing hare lost himself for a moment, although Say No More finally picked up the trail again.

Doggy Fashion arrived fashionably late to join us at the first HH and was just in time to witness Genital Reminder's little horn. Meanwhile, hash flash Dr Whiplash was capturing a pretty spectacular picture of the setting sun.

Weaving through the paths of the common, the newbie was relieved to find it was ok to walk the steep bits but found himself being grilled. Out to the main road, where everyone's sense of road safety awareness was heightened since last week's mishap but luckily no casualties this time.

Down through Lincomb caravan park, I was surprised we didn't make it all the way down to Lincomb Lock, instead looping back up the steep path and to the precariously placed HH2. Some of the hash teens had to be called back for their own safety.

Back across the main road and a clever falsie before heading back off-road again. Shag and I were trying to plan Doggy Fashion's birthday bash and realising that over duplication was becoming a problem - she is used to asking for work from a class full I suppose.

The stampeding horses to our left were a little off putting but not so much as the next "surprise" deep muddy puddles! The trail had been so dry until now and we really weren't expecting that. We all emerged with soggy feet and mud-splattered legs, all except one. Bristols had found the dry way round yet no one had listened.

An impromptu HH for regrouping purposes highlighted that Russell Sprout & Bushwacker were missing. Lassie & Genital Reminder went in search of the lost boys whilst the rest of us were sent onward and upward to our awaiting next surprise...

The final HH - the best ever HH - a picnic table, complete with table cloth, with freshly picked strawberries & Pimms cocktail! Mark thought he had gatecrashed someone else's party and was still confused by the flashing.

And so, full of summer refreshments, we descended the trail from the summit back to the on inn for supper (and back to the reality of hearing England lose their second World Cup game - did we expect anything else?)

Down downs: awarded by Shag to Lassie for the best hash ever;
Mrs Lassie for the posh picnic, complete with table cloth; Bushwacker for passing his driving test but still managing to get lost & finally to Shelley for getting out of the trail with clean shoes!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Talbot, Newnham Bridge, WR15 8JF

The Hop Pole, Bewdley

Hash 311

Date: Thursday 5th June 2014
Pub: The Hop Pole, Bewdley
Beers: Sunbeam, EPA, Thatchers Gold cider
Food: meat/veggie lasagne
Hare: Cyclopath (with a little help from Dr Whiplash)
Visitors/virgins: James, Molly & ????

Trail: Cyclopath's countryfile conundrum 

Lots of hashers gathered at the Hop Pole on this rare lovely sunny evening for a Cyclopath special. Dr Whiplash had been drafted in to help & dutifully carried the rucksack, whilst Copulation was observed to have his sack well stocked.

Some were enjoying the sunshine so much they had forgotten their clothes! (not to mention the nettles) Whereas Who's The Daddy had just forgotten his lines...

After the briefing of the trail: flour, 5 and a half miles, no wammals & the warning of the main road, we set off up through the estate with the newest young hashlings Jody and William setting the pace. 

It wasn't long before we encountered the path beside the deserted park and a very narrow path down to the bypass, where Sprout was struggling with the air and Genital Reminder was struggling with his hair. 

Thank goodness for the first HH with some juicy jelly sweets, some sunshine, some shade and a flying worm!

The hare tried her best to maintain some order and coach us all in the right direction as Who's The Daddy was still oblivious to his responsibilities.

Over towards the golf course, Hash Quack was way out ahead leading folk astray whereas Cyclopath just wanted us all in the bushes.

The 2nd HH in the depths of the woods saw Hash Quack cajoling people to join her in the jungle and the newbies looking slightly scared, whilst Dr Whiplash and I competed for the best pics - I'll let you decide.

Back over onto the golf course again where Early Riser was missing his club and Doggy Fashion was now also having to beware of flying balls (following the aforementioned flying worm).

A gentle but muddy path downwards found Cinderella losing her bearings and Russell Sprout and Buzz Lightyear dawdling. I noticed the pungent aroma around us just before I saw the herd of cows heading towards the stile in the corner of the field that we needed to cross (no wammals?!)

The mowed path in the next field was apparently too obvious for Early Riser & Cleopatra and they took the scenic route through the buttercups instead... 

Shortly after, there was an altercation between Early Riser & Russell Sprout but the youngster came off much worse. Not to be outdone on the mud front, Shag decided to crawl under the stile - eeurgh! Dirty.

Hash Quack was regretting her lack of attire as she considered the nettles but all that was forgotten as Crossdresser top trumped Dr Jeckyll's horn - hilarious! (Cue Shag's video clip)

Back down to the estate & chaos ensued as the hare was too busy chatting, her assistant had given up his role and the group somehow split into three. 

That said, some of us made the additional 4th HH before the final chaotic dash back to the on inn. I say chaotic, we all thought we knew the way & all tried to go our own ways, only to be called back by Cyclopath, who then promptly left to go home & get changed!

Brilliant hash, beautiful countryside, wild flowers & wammals & posh lasagne to boot!

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Cyclopath for the best hash ever - a lovely route, lots of flour plus road cones too! There were too many misdemeanours to choose from but here are the best: Hash Quack for being unusually hot; James for being the new recruit with big muscles & who's fast too - it's a good job he went home early as he was making our RA feel insecure; 
all the other visitors/virgins went home early too so missed out; 
Ilse for getting lost in translation last week; 
Doggy Fashion for her "claim to fame" story (or something); 
and finally to Early Riser for falling and fighting (Russell Sprout will be excluded even though he was included)
Apologies for being so cryptic but you should see what I have to deal with!!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Dog Inn, Dunley, DY13 0UE - World Cup/Brazilian themed fancy dress

Chez Game Bird

Hash 310

Date: Thursday 29th May 2014
Venue: Chez Game Bird
Beer: Pure Gold
Food: veggie risotto, chicken
Hares: Game Bird & Leg Over
Visitors/virgins: lots & lots

Trail: Game Bird's tri for a laugh hash

Lots of very colourful hashers turned up donning various items of fancy dress for tonight's run-swim-mudathon. Crossdresser had noted Bubbles's socialist swing to the left but that was merely due to his new eye patch.

Dr Whiplash was really the only one properly dressed for the occasion and was NOT really upstaged by Crossdresser nor Genital Reminder, although the latter seemed to cause a bit of a stir later on...

The Pro & Bristols looked rather fetching in their bikinis, Say No More opted for a more discreet look, whilst Doggy Fashion went the other way and opted for every look going!

There were lots of hashlings, new & old, plus the newbies, who (amazingly) didn't show too many outward signs of bemusement, opting instead for polite smiles.

Who's The Daddy almost did a stirling job of introducing the proceedings (there were lots of new hashlings after all, so we'll let him off) before handing over to the hare... who wasn't running. Game Bird mentioned something about flour & it being mostly off road & that she was staying at home, leaving us in a Leg Over's capable hands...

And so, off from the starting blocks, heading off up the road and up nettle alley where squeals were heard from many scantily clad hashers and Sprout was seen being hauled away upside down by Bushwacker.

The next leg was the muddy field where Darth Radar lost his shoe and we were lucky not to lose a tiny hashling! Leg Over arrived to help us across the road whilst his big brother was now prancing around in his smalls! Bubbles was relishing the fact that Crossdresser was turning right and soon forgot his deceptive ploy.

Down to the river and a very muddy path where Lost Skywalker was helped to stay out of the drink but the newbies's brand new trainers were taking a bit of a bashing.

HH1 saw some bare trunks, some Haribo & some maltesers whilst hearing about double wrappers, fake tan & Himalayan Balsam.

Leg Over again helped us across the road but the Amateur struggled to pick up the trail due to inclement weather conditions for this time of year. We obviously encountered more mud, once we'd got the right trail, and the newbies's shoes were put to the test once again. There were those who were skirting around the edges and then there were those who chose the full on running through the thick of it.

There was much confusion again at the bridge, was this a hash halt? No one had really seen much flour but Bubbles pointed out a flower and so we went that way...

HH2 was at the watering hole, where Shag the pirate (or maybe just an able sea man) was spotted relaxing, dipping his toes in whilst Bubbles handed out the apple loops.

On on up the hill to find the next HH cast down in sawdust (??!!) It was here that Bubbles couldn't even be bothered to share out the sweets, instead opting for a minion to do the honours. Some had not even seen the sign so it wasn't long before we were off again.

Up the hill and looping back to a previous part of the hash, a final HH and an instruction for us to hurry back for tea. Clodhopper & Lassie were racing each other, Copulation was skipping with his smallest and Leg Over just couldn't help himself by getting ahead of the pack.

Tonight's on inn was back at Game Bird's pad, where she'd enrolled yet more help, this time from her mum & Mrs Doyle. A great hash with an even greater after show party, massive thanks!

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Game Bird & Leg Over for the worst hash ever as Game Bird was the hare who wasn't there, there were no beers either but Bubbles couldn't help getting involved - even if it was to get us lost! The sting in the tail was the nearly nude dress code and lots of nettles.
Almost all of the newbies got a mention: Kirsty, Will, Jody, Amber... Would they have still come in their brand new running gear & footwear had they known just how muddy it was going to be? Jody did well as a front runner for most of the trail too!
Little Eagle Eyes got one for almost being forgotten - on more than one occasion!
Dr Whiplash for donating the barrel of Pure Gold despite only being able to pour a dribble.
Genital Reminder for having the body of a Greek God (who's let himself go!)
And finally to Mrs Doyle for the food go on go on go on go on, you will you will you will you will.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Hop Pole, Bewdley, DY12 2QH