The Swan Inn, Knowlesands, near Bridgnorth

Hash 316 Date: Thursday 17th July Venue: running from a layby from a vague location near Bridgnorth, dining at the Swan Inn, Knowlesands, near Bridgnorth Food: Pork Chops & chips / Thai veggie curry & rice Beers: Hobson's Town Crier, Oxford Gold, Fancy Nordic cider etc. etc. Hare: Well Laid Visitors/virgins: none Trail: The best Well Laid hash ever! It's lucky any of us found the right lay-by on the B455. Most of us thought it was the first lay-by, as it was on the road out of Bridgnorth and near a bridge. The wrong bridge but it there was definitely a bridge so we could all be forgiven for that mistake. Thank goodness for sat navs! And so whilst we waited for the rest of the hash to find the right lay-by, we were treated to the pungent aroma of rotting flesh. Well Laid reckoned it must have been a deer or something as the smell was so bad. Get Down Shep & Copulation found another culprit on the verge of the roadside, a pheasant. Could that really make all that smell? Somebody had turned up on a bike & proceeded to read his book whilst more hashers steadily arrived. A phonecaller from an unknown number was given directions to said lay-by and we waited again for the surprise guests to arrive. Shirley & Vicky, of course! And that means that the roadside reader was Dan! Doh! We finally congregated, a little late but nobody really cared, and Well Laid gave us a demonstration of her trail: sawdust and you're on, except when you see arrows in flour just like this... We were sent off up the road, whilst she decorated the B455 with more arrows for an even later latecomer... Say No More. From the road, turning right into a field and following some crops of beans. The Pro had taken a path of her own only to return looking like she was being filmed for a shampoo ad. The evening sun glowed brightly and the beans slowed us down as we all wanted a nibble. Game Bird wasn't sure they could be eaten raw, Crossdresser argued they could, whilst the rest of us ate them regardless. Doggy Fashion's naivety was exposed as Copulation was talking about doing something else to them at the 1st HH. That's not what 1st base is all about, Copulation! The FRBs were keen to check it out so the pack followed them one way, Copulation took the lone path this time, whilst I hung around, still eating beans. The hare helped me out by drawing another arrow on the ground & we called the pack back. A lovely bit of a forest trail next with barely a path, talk of lost husbands & helpers and lots of brambles & nettles. Underneath the railway bridge and we all emerged into a gently sloping field where we were treated to cooled refreshments once we reached the top. Cleopatra was the latecomer to the party, Well Laid was the hostess with the mostess, Whiplash was skirting around the edges, Hash Quack & Get Down Shep we're hoping for a quick getaway whilst Shirley was reprimanding Crossdresser & Shag for their party tricks. Over the road and into a field where a dodgy stile & a Demon Dog clashed, resulting in a Game Bird flapping her wings. On on to the next picturesque spot: a beautiful old building, a quaint bridge over the babbling brook and the lesser spotted Whiplash perching high on the tree stump on one leg (?!?) Of course, the tranquility was soon broken by the sparring of Shag & Crossdresser as their competing to be alpha male got a little out of hand! Just around the next corner was the best surprise: I just couldn't resist having a bounce; Crossdresser tried (but failed) to catapult me off, although the expired farm animal below ensured we didn't stay too long! The final HH back near civilisation saw Doggy Fashion get excited about the sweets whilst the Pro got excited about certain erections. We rounded Astbury Hall, apparently the home of a certain rock star, for which Wrong had some details that were swiftly misconstrued before he was almost violated on the golf course. I don't think he minded really. The photo at the gate at the other end of the course caused even more hilarity and some posing from Game Bird, Cleopatra & Crossdresser. Game Bird was the only one to adopt the Irish accent, whilst the others adopted some cheesey grins! The final stile and a slightly chaotic dash up the road back to the on-lay-by. A quick change & to the on inn for a rather posh tea for a Thursday. The yin and yang of hashes, with some beautiful scenery interspersed with various rotting creatures, and some very dense undergrowth plus the neatest fairways ever seen - well done Well Laid! Down downs: Crossdresser awarded a down down and the very special Well Laid Best Hash Ever award to Well Laid for her best hash ever as it was the hash that had everything, including a dead sheep under a trampoline! Bushwacker for driving the Boulder Mobile and competing in the Wacky Races; the Pro & the Amateur for being Rock & Gravel the new Slag brothers; Game Bird & Shirley for reprimanding the naughty boys (grumpy indeed) Just one last thing about the big house, was it owned by someone from Deep Purple? Ozzy from Black Sabbath? Or Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath? Only Game Bird could ask who is.... Tony O'Holy??? (Rumour has it, he's in Boyzone & has a Twitter account, hasn't he Crossdresser?) Hot Lips x Next week: Kinver Edge, DY7 6HX NB Postcode approximate, park between the Warden's house & the farm shop Picnic afterwards - food offers to Dr Whiplash