The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath

Hash 339 Xmas Hash

Date: Thursday 18th December 2014
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Beers: lots I'm sure!
Food: Christmas dinner & mince pies
Hare: The Amateur
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: the Christmas lights hash
AKA the "should we stay or should we go?"
AKA the "Where the Fox is the Tally Ho?" hash

3 of us were late for the start of the hash but we were determined to be there never the less. We turned up at 1st HH to emptiness...

We called but heard no replies. We could occasionally hear some shouting or see some lights but our own light signals were not answered. We did talk of just going straight to the pub but we'd actually made an effort to adorn ourselves with Xmas lights so it was a shame not to show them off.

Leg Over rang someone to find they were already at HH2 so we got back in the car & headed off to the Tally Ho. As we arrived at the Tally Ho, we found the hashers heading off away from us - could we catch them or should we just give up & go to the pub? No, we're here now so we'll get cracking.

The Amateur waited for us and it wasn't long before we caught everyone else up. It was lovely to see so many twinkling hashers! We squelched through some fields wishing we had just gone to the pub, our feet sinking into cold muddy puddles before reaching HH3 at Kerby-Collins' farm where we were warmed with mulled wine. Game Bird squealed at Scuffer whilst the new puppy was a hit (although I'm not so sure about his name...?)

The Pimp was telling stories about his own version of Christmas knock door sing prompting ideas of a Christmas Carols hash next year (if we remember), then gave us a lesson in Aussie lingo as we set out up the drive.

Dr Whiplash was way out ahead but returned after finding nothing. The rest of us had followed over the stile, come back over it, climbed the stile again as instructed by the Pro, only to meet up with the others down the road! The Pro assured us she knew the way but Who's the Daddy had his doubts.

Luckily, we were almost done - the benefit of turning up late! A welcome bit of country road (& no more mud!) before finding the on inn. I thought I had seen Bushwacker in a tux on the car park (& blamed the lights) but found it was actually the welcoming committee: Shag, Crossdresser & Doggy Fashion. I don't think Cleopatra will recover from her first entry... although saying that, she did go back again!

Lovely Christmas dinner, courtesy of the the Fox Inn & lovely mince pies, courtesy of Bristols.

The after dinner ceremonies of down downs were awarded by Crossdresser, Shag and their glamorous assistant Doggy Fashion to:
Clodhopper for being the best "who's who" lookalike
Hot Lips & Cleopatra for our Barbara Cartland blogging
Genital Reminder for his fur & feathers
Dr Whiplash won the Mediocre Hash Award
The best photo award goes to Doggy Fashion for her birthday bum feeling
The Doug peanut-head award goes to Leg Over
And the Diplomacy award goes to Bushwacker...?!

I think there were more awards but unfortunately we had to be back for the babysitters - sorry!

(And if there was a spare secret Santa prezzie left over...?)

Hot Lips x

Hashy Christmas everyone!

Boxing Day run
The Cross Keys, Suckley, WR6 5DJ, 11am

Next hash:  Thursday 1st January 2015, 2.30pm Family Hash
Brookfield House, Wolverley, DY11 5QP

#340 BEST FAMILY HASH EVER!!

#340 BEST FAMILY HASH EVER!!

Date: Thursday 1st January 2015
Date: Thursday 1st January 2015

Venue: Clodhopper's house

Beers: Advocaat and Lilt
Food: Lots! Beef stew, sausages and mash, Christmas cake and Stilton, trifle, crumble, oat biscuits...
Hare: Clodhopper
Virgins: Davenport cuzzies Grace and Jacob

Trail:
It was such a treat to set off in daylight at the earlier time of 2.30pm. Nice to see Cinderella and Darth Radar again as well as welcoming some newbies.

Also present: The Pro, The Amateur and Bushwacker, Copulation along with Gobstopper and Eagle Eyes, The Pimp brought his crazy leggings, Dr Whiplash with Emma and her mate, Doggy Fashion, Shag, Who's the Daddy, Legover, me and my two.

It was a lovely 4 mile trail of sawdust through familiar territory with plenty of hash halts. Although it was mild, there were a few icy puddles, which provided entertainment for Shag and the hashlings. Poor Shag was injured by flying razor sharp ice as he held it up for kicking - don't try this at home, kids.

Another lovely hash laid by Clodhopper but it was nothing compared to the entertainment and hospitality afterwards!

The Clodhoppers had had a New Year's Eve Ceilidh the night before and had covered the pool with a dance floor. While the men shouted and undid bolts and screws and shouted and slid the frames off the pool and shouted a bit more, the children and dog were swimming underneath or swinging on the trapeze...I nearly had a nosebleed just watching it all.

A proper feast was laid out for us once we had dried off. Those Starkies really spoilt us, thank you!

Down downs:
Shag raided the drinks cabinet and found some ancient Advocaat.
Clodhopper and Hopscotch were awarded for their amazing hospitality.
There was a bit of a Frozen theme too...
Shag for cutting his head on the ice
thanks to Grace and Gobstopper, and there were namings for Jacob the Karate Kid and Grace is now Elsa.
The Pimp also had some for those spectacular leggings and Bushwhacker for his OTT  reaction to the Advocaat with a sick bowl at the ready.

Happy New Year!

Cleopatra x

Next week: dunno

The Constitutional Club, Kinver ( Dr Whiplash 40th birthday Hash)

Next week: The Laurels, Kidderminster Road, Cutnall Green, WR9 0PW

Greensleeves' birthday hash

Hash 337 The Constitutional Club, Kinver

(Insert Whiplash's part of the blog here... Or maybe somewhere else!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Dr Whiplash for being the "big cheese" birthday boy - is he over the hill? There's certainly been some hills involved tonight!
Emma, our Virgin runner who had helped the big cheese lay the trail and had apparently been on hill taming duty
The "our tune" award goes to Hot Lips who didn't really want to be out on a school night, found out it wasn't a school night after all, then ended up letting it all go - unable to face it, her down down was driven down Bushwacker - well, without Sprout, he needed something!
Genital Reminder - the gift that keeps on giving - rabbits? Seriously?
Lassie for not living up to his name as instead of bringing everyone home he led them up the wrong path
And finally, Dr Whiplash awarded the last one to Crossdresser for having the best hat!

Lovely meal back at the on inn (there was a long wait for lasagne... that turned out to be a steak pie - result!)
Venn & Sven diagrams were used
A round of "happy birthday to you!" and some of Game Bird's lovely birthday cake, washed down with whichever of the many beers takes your fancy (I'm still on the soft drinks)

The final HH was amazing up at the look out point (see Tony's photo) with Whiplash's very own mini bar, although he declined to down them all himself (he's a sensible lad, unlike some...)

If anyone thinks being over 40 is over the hill, you're not wrong. Especially between 7 and 9 on a Thursday night. One of the hills was so steep that we were in danger of face-planting into each other's arses (or maybe that was just someone's fantasy?)

Running around Kinver Edge, off and back on again. Many twists and turns, lots of mud, lots of ups and downs (& we were assured we had the tamed route) and lots of hash halts with lots of Haribo & jelly babies to aid recovery.

And so, off we went, although Tony & Katie sloped back off to the car park. It was always going to start with a hill wasn't it? Say No More was a keen FRB tonight and Tony & Katie rejoined the party.

We finally managed to scrape just under 20 hashers & Demon Dog, got the low down from the big cheese - oh yeah, it's gonna be one of those hashes again tonight. Doggy Fashion (& myself actually) were remembering the pleasantries of the picnic but what Whiplash really meant was that he'd been making his own rules up again.

It was a slow start and could easily have been the smallest hash ever but a few more renditions of ham eggs chips & peas and meat lasagne and a few more folk braved this chilly winters evening. The hats theme was a brilliant idea!

There was a cafuffle at the start as new barriers were found on the car park but the boys had ways of sorting those. The big cheese arrived, armed with the menu, and Crossdresser broke into song: Ham, egg, chips & peas, chips & peas!

Since Dr Whiplash started the blog before the hash and Who's the Daddy thinks it gets written beforehand anyway (!) I thought I'd write it backwards (in a way), just because I can, good luck!

Hot Lips x

(Insert Whiplash's part of the blog here... Or maybe somewhere else!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Dr Whiplash for being the "big cheese" birthday boy - is he over the hill? There's certainly been some hills involved tonight!
Emma, our Virgin runner who had helped the big cheese lay the trail and had apparently been on hill taming duty
The "our tune" award goes to Hot Lips who didn't really want to be out on a school night, found out it wasn't a school night after all, then ended up letting it all go - unable to face it, her down down was driven down Bushwacker - well, without Sprout, he needed something!
Genital Reminder - the gift that keeps on giving - rabbits? Seriously?
Lassie for not living up to his name as instead of bringing everyone home he led them up the wrong path
And finally, Dr Whiplash awarded the last one to Crossdresser for having the best hat!

Lovely meal back at the on inn (there was a long wait for lasagne... that turned out to be a steak pie - result!)
Venn & Sven diagrams were used
A round of "happy birthday to you!" and some of Game Bird's lovely birthday cake, washed down with whichever of the many beers takes your fancy (I'm still on the soft drinks)

The final HH was amazing up at the look out point (see Tony's photo) with Whiplash's very own mini bar, although he declined to down them all himself (he's a sensible lad, unlike some...)

If anyone thinks being over 40 is over the hill, you're not wrong. Especially between 7 and 9 on a Thursday night. One of the hills was so steep that we were in danger of face-planting into each other's arses (or maybe that was just someone's fantasy?)

Running around Kinver Edge, off and back on again. Many twists and turns, lots of mud, lots of ups and downs (& we were assured we had the tamed route) and lots of hash halts with lots of Haribo & jelly babies to aid recovery.

And so, off we went, although Tony & Katie sloped back off to the car park. It was always going to start with a hill wasn't it? Say No More was a keen FRB tonight and Tony & Katie rejoined the party.

We finally managed to scrape just under 20 hashers & Demon Dog, got the low down from the big cheese - oh yeah, it's gonna be one of those hashes again tonight. Doggy Fashion (& myself actually) were remembering the pleasantries of the picnic but what Whiplash really meant was that he'd been making his own rules up again.

It was a slow start and could easily have been the smallest hash ever but a few more renditions of ham eggs chips & peas and meat lasagne and a few more folk braved this chilly winters evening. The hats theme was a brilliant idea!

There was a cafuffle at the start as new barriers were found on the car park but the boys had ways of sorting those. The big cheese arrived, armed with the menu, and Crossdresser broke into song: Ham, egg, chips & peas, chips & peas!

Since Dr Whiplash started the blog before the hash and Who's the Daddy thinks it gets written beforehand anyway (!) I thought I'd write it backwards (in a way), just because I can, good luck!

Hot Lips x

The Camp House, Grimley

#335

Date: Thursday 20th November 2014
Pub: The Camp House, Grimley
Food: Chilli, rice and chips with iceberg  garnish or vegetable lasagne
Hares: Legover and helpers
Visitors/virgins: Lovely to see Angie, and I think The Pimp is no longer just a visitor.

Also present:
Game Bird
Dr Whiplash
Shag
Doggy Fashion
Who's the Daddy
Russell Sprout
The Pro
The Amateur
Hash Quack
Golden Showers
Bristols
Clodhopper and Jasper
Oh, and me!

Trail:
You had to be hardcore to venture out through the fog to the back of beyond for tonight's hash...there was a distinct drop in numbers, as well as in temperature, from last week. Game Bird thought it was appropriate to crack open the Lidl sweets while we gathered in the car park. Jasper soon warmed things up by attacking poor Hash Quack.

It took a while to find the flour, but at least everyone was nicely warmed up before heading off through the mist along the river towards Worcester. 

Eventually we headed right by a little bridge before climbing some steps to the first hash halt. 

There was some confusion as we set off again through Hallow because some hashers made the mistake of thinking I knew where I was going. Sorry, The Pimp. Legover was doing his job, luckily, and soon put us right. It looks different in the dark!

And I didn't deliberately turn off my torch. I honestly thought I was shining my light towards those poor guys who ran off half a mile the wrong way, instead of sneaking down the side of The Crown. We didn't lose anyone though. 

We carried on through some houses, Shag's dulcet tones contemplating the meaning of life, the universe etc.

After another hash halt it was mostly across fields and there was much calling back from front runners (Who's the Daddy)...despite the huge piles of flour on the fence posts...

While the hashers were checking it out in the wrong direction I thought I'd have a sneaky wee but Legover picked the wrong moment to turn around to tell me to switch my torch off, illuminating me, just as the hashers realised their error and came back...

Everyone found at least one of the On Inns and made it back for the best chilli and lasagne ever!

Down downs:
Briefly interrupted by the indoor shooters selling raffle tickets, but subsequently awarded by Doggy Fashion to: 
Legover for a lovely winter hash, and to me for helping, enlisting child slave labour on a school night and for weeing on my trainers. 
- There was a Tale of 2 Daves...Clodhopper was thought to be farting throughout the hash, but it turned out to be Jasper's extendable lead making all the noise. And to Who's the Daddy for calling back twice and switching off his torch to sneak up on unsuspecting hashers.
He also got caught up in Game Bird's bush🌳.

Ok, bye!

Cleopatra x
Next week: The Pavilion in the Park, Worcester. Plays With IT.

Bristols' 30th Birthday and Engagement to Golden Showers African Safari Hash!

#334 Bristols' 30th Birthday and Engagement to Golden Showers African Safari Hash!

Date: Thursday 13th November 2014
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Food: Hearty stew and chunky bread
Hares: Shag, Bristols, Golden Showers and Charlie the Demon Dog
Visitors/virgins: Ester, Clare and some of Bristols' mates whose names I've forgotten, sorry.

There was a very special announcement at the beginning of tonight's hash: Bristols and Golden Showers got engaged in Africa💕🐅!!!

The 25 or so hashers in African themed fancy dress gave a champagne toast to the happy couple. Controversially, some chose to run with an Ebola-protective-suits/masks spin on the African theme...just saying what happened; I won't judge.

I missed all this, and the beginning of the trail but I'm sure expectations were low as one of the hares had already broadcast that this was to be the worst hash ever. The puddles in the car park should have been an indicator of what was to come...

When Ester the virgin and I rocked up, three proper gentlemen had kindly waited for us: Legover, Shag and Ollie. We'd never have caught up otherwise and it would have been a rubbish first hash for Ester.

We ran at quite a pace to catch the others up, which we managed by the first hash halt. There was a rendition of Happy Birthday for Bristols and sparklers and fireworks courtesy of Legover. Oh, and loads of Lidl sweets. Did you collect the rubbish at 6am, Shag😇?

From then on, it was, as Crossdresser was to later describe, like the Battle of the Somme, which seemed appropriate with the 100 years' anniversary of the start of the First World War. Strictly speaking, the Battle of the Somme was 1916, but I'm just showing off because I know about these things.

We felt for the virgins, who were possibly regretting coming, not having been warned about extreme conditions. They battled on, across the fields, listening to the comforting tones of Shag's voice as he described Charlie's unfortunate incident with the barbed wire. Get well soon, Charlie!

There was a huge stash of beer, soft drinks and Lidl sweets at the second hash halt, just down the road from the pub. After consuming our body weight in faux Pinballs™, some of us felt it best to resist the temptation to follow the tarmac back to the On Inn.

We divided again at the very narrow path between a fence and a hedge, visions of barbed wire fresh in our minds. I overheard Bushwhacker and young Ollie talking about tractors (so cute), shortly before returning to the pub. We were joined by non-runners The Pro, the lovely Emma, Get Down Shep and Tits or Treats.

Also present and deserve a mention:
Game Bird, Doggy Fashion, Say No More, Plays With IT, Russell Sprout, The Amateur, Clodhopper and a well-behaved Jasper, Hash Quack, Dr Whiplash, The Pimp, Well Laid

Down downs:
Awarded by Crossdresser to hares Shag, Bristols and Golden Showers for their muddy hash, then in a slick manoeuvre to Bristols again for having a big birthday. We sang Happy Birthday and Doggy accused Legover of dragging her down before we moved smoothly on to the subject of the engagement. Gifts of a ball and chain, flowers and a shotgun were given out.
Crossdresser welcomed the virgins and would have given a down down to Clare for the best alligator costume but she did a runner.
Young Ollie got a pint of water for complaining to Tits or Treats that Uncle Shag never calls him .

Game Bird had made one of those amazing Guinness cakes.

Sorry if I've forgot anything or anyone. It's a big responsibility, you know.

Cleopatra x

Ps could somebody please confirm that I've got Stuart's hash name right?

Next week: Legover, venue TBC

Brookfield House

Hash 333

Date: Thursday 6th November 2014
Venue: Brookfield House, Wolverley
Food: homemade bangers & mash
Beers: BYO
Hare: Clodhopper
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Clodhopper's Bangers & Hash

There was a doggy theme tonight - Say No More had spied an apparently good dogging spot before we'd even set out - Say No More indeed!

Jasper was very excitable inside and out and then Demon Dog appeared and got to marking anything and everything in an equally excitable manner (much to Game Bird's amusement)

And so, 16 hashers, 2 Hashlings, 2 hash hounds, some overly bright torches, some rain, order called by Who's the Daddy and tonight's trail introduced by Clodhopper: laid in sawdust, about 5 miles, 3 and you're on and 3 hash halts.

Lassie was brave in his bare legs and brand new trainers and he and the Amateur were off, checking every which way right from the start as we headed back down towards Wolverley. Confusion at a crossing meant that, quite effortlessly, Game Bird and myself became FRBs!

Into the boggy fields of no mans land and down to Wolverley Court Lock and the first HH. All sorts were shared, Shirley was heard to mention threesomes but Shag had remembered the birds from around these parts...

More confusion as Whiplash fled off down the towpath, we duly followed, only to be called back and over to the other side. Shag mischievously led everyone up a falsie and was still chuckling to himself as his Demon Dog was also leading Jasper astray as he came close to upending Doggy Fashion and The Pro.

More off road, lots more mud and puddles, more FRB action from Game Bird, Doggy Fashion and myself until disorientation along the towpath found us near the back again.

The Pro had gone AWOL at the last HH, the Amateur lamented his woe and gave a sad blow of his horn but to no avail. We therefore set off for the final furlong, back through the lanes of Fairfield and more shaggy dog stories as Doggy Fashion told me of her pooch just as Jasper tried to trip her with his lead yet again!

A great hash and back to the on in for bangers and bangers and mash!

Hot Lips x

Down downs were awarded by tonight's guest RA Doggy Fashion:

Hopscotch for food and hosting
Clodhoper for the best hash ever and water skiing with jasper
Lassie for new shoes he drank his down down from
3 new namings:
Jody - Green Sleeves for always wearing green tops,
Will - Led Head as he has an led headlight but the light bit was missing from the elastic
And mum, Kirsty is Kinky Boots as she arrived at the firework party in lace up knee high boots the naughty girl xxxx

Next week: The Fox, Hanley Broadheath, WR15 8QS

African Safari theme

Bird in Hand, Stourport

#331

Date: Thursday 23rd October 2014
Pub: Bird in Hand, Stourport
Beers: 
Food: Chicken curry or cauliflower cheese and chips!
Hare: Lassie
Visitors/virgins: Frosty Tony, Mike and Lynda and The Pimp off of Malvern

Trail:

I don't really know much about the trail. I was in the pub when Lassie was telling us about it and took lots of shortcuts.

These hashers were there:

The Amateur, Clodhopper, Genital Reminder, Game Bird, Russell Sprout, Hash Quack, Doggy Fashion, Legover, Dr Whiplash, Shag, Bushwacker, Who's the Daddy, Torchy, Tits or Treats, Cyclopath, Well Laid, The Pimp, Mike and Lynda, Lassie, Cleopatra, Windy Miller and Thing2.

Thing 2 would like to have a go at describing some of it:

Jasper and Charlie were having a play fight and were bouncing on top of each other. Kim said she had a bad knee. Then Windy Miller, Cleopatra and I went up some steps to get to the front. We met the man in the pink swirly leggings. He looked shocked that we were at the front now. We went past a rugby field and I did some cartwheels. Then we went into a cow field and it stank.
Furthermore, we stopped at a relaxing hash halt and had a little rest (with no sweets). Because we were getting tired, Lassie gave us a long shortcut. He said wait by the hollow and they'd come out there. So we were searching for a hollow but it was pitch black. Luckily we had Legover.
We eventually found the hollow and there was a gate so we hid behind it so we could scare them. We jumped out at the front runners and Dr Whiplash had a nasty shock. I can give you an impression. 😦
We had a luxurious hash halt with liquorice all sorts and yummy Jelly Babies.
There were some brambles and I was afraid to go through them and Declan scooped me up and carried me over before I could say anything. He said I was lighter than his dog.

It's Cleopatra again. Shortly before we took another shortcut with Well Laid, Hash Quack had a disagreement with a tree stump. We were closely followed by Dr Whiplash back to the On Inn, who insisted he had followed flour...

Back at the pub we met up with Mrs Lassie and down downs were awarded in style by Shag to:

Frosty Tony for being a virgin
Lassie for the best hash ever
Mrs Lassie for being lovely
Who's the Daddy and Ethan for father/son squabbling and a fluorescent thong

Next week: Copcut Elm, Droitwich