The Lock, Wolverley

# 256

Date: 30th May 2013 
Pub: The Lock, Wolverley

Beers: Sunbeam, Banks’s Bitter & Mild, Thatchers Gold cider 
Food: Meat / veggie chilli & chips
Hares: Cross Dresser & Early Riser
Virgins: Connie, Dexter, Cameron, Amalie, Callum, and Martin
Visitors: none

Trail: We’d had a preview of Early Riser laying the trail in his high vis jacket, looking excited that the rain had stopped. That was all about to get sooooo much better as he changed into his fancy dress outfit on the car park… 
Cross Dresser got into his pjs (I half expected a nightie) but was top-trumped by Early Riser’s Tigger onesie – woo-hoo-hoo-hoooooooo!

A huge amount of hashers with lots of hashlings and a good few newbie’s too. Lots of takers for the pyjama-themed fancy dress for Game Bird’s birthday: Well Laid arrived as Wee Willie Winkie, Callum (one of the virgins) also sported a onesie, his dad wore his superhero pjs and still it up and Shag turned up as Rod Stewart! 

Get Down Shep was seen loitering in the car park with Annie early on but there was obviously no intention of him running this evening, nor any sign of Hash Quack either. Clodhopper & Cinderella claimed they knew nothing about the fancy dress theme – need to get them facebooking! The RA also had a sick note – the LGF’s still feeling green.

Cross Dresser briefed us on the trail although forgot to brief himself and therefore had to succumb to much chafing later on. A school boy error! The Amateur & Titis or Treats screeched onto the car park with seconds to spare as we were already checking it out. Up and away from the Lock, crossing over the main road, through the lanes and a bluebell wood where the flour had to be pointed out to us. 

Cyclopath started stripping of at the first HH, not to be inhibited by the abundance of hashlings – you can tell she’s on holiday! The Amateur directed us across the road in his slinky pink negligee and Hot Lips & Sleeping Beauty decided that skipping was easier in nightwear. Through a sunny field of rapeseed, the pace now starting to slow to a dawdle for those hashlings at the back. Heading back round towards Wolverley village for the next HH, where luckily there were still some drinks left.

Sleeping Beauty almost wanted to short-cut back to the pub at this point but Batman talked her into continuing (the promise of a shoulder ride helped too – I’m sure I’m getting shorter). 

An uphill climb to the 3rd HH and no falsies to slow the FRBs down so, unfortunately, it all gets a bit sketchy from here. The ATBWs chatted about school and holidays and had a lovely meander back though the estate and to the on inn for a record-breaking amount of people for dinner!

Down downs: awarded by a still poorly Doggy Fashion who got up from her “death” (sick?) bed to present them to Cross Dresser & Early Riser for their brilliant hash that was perfectly laid (or so they say) and for Early Riser doing the hash in his Tigger onesie; Virgins Amalie, Sue (who teaches adult education) & Martin;, who was about to become a very good sport…; Virgin hashlings Connie, Dexter, Cameron & Callum who also sported his onesie; Penelope Pitstop for getting off to a bad start, proclaiming noone’s got the horn; then onto the heats for the fancy dress: will it be Cyclopath for spending more time out of her dress than in it? Will it be Shag for his Rod Stewart impersonation? No, it goes to the Amateur for turning up in his little pink, frilly negligee – wit woo; and finally to Game Bird for having a birthday – many happy returns! (How many candles?)

Post down down games: Shag’s in Drag – started with Shag being dressed up as Kimmy does grandma, Cross Dresser being dressed as Kimmy does Hashing; Martin does Kimmy does Glam and Copulation as Kimmy does bedtime. The kids helped out with the face and nail painting and then finished off with some cake decorating. 

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Lenchford, Shrawley

The Lock, Wolverley by DavidEMore at Garmin Connect - Details

The Lock, Wolverley by DavidEMore at Garmin Connect - Details

The Waggon & Horses, Bewdley

# 255

Date: Thursday 23rd May 2013
Pub: The Waggon & Horses, Bewdley
Beers: Bathams, Banks’s Bitter & Mild, Robinsons cider
Food: spit roast chicken & chips or veggie curry & rice
Hare: Compost
Virgins: there was one, we just don’t know his name, sorry
Visitors: the Bodyguard & Mike 

Trail: One of the co-founders of the WFH3 is 50! Many happy returns Compost! Hashers, hashlings and hash hounds (almost one for each of his 50 years) congregated on the car park of the Waggon & Horses in their garden-themed fancy dress for the celebratory après-hash Cava. Some wonderful costumes to behold and some new faces on the scene too – hopefully not just for one night only. And here’s hoping that tonight’s sunshine will continue…

Lots of excitement from everyone, particularly the poorly green garden fairy, who thought she might not even finish the hash. Wearing her fancy pyjamas (just in case she needed a lie down, I guess) and armed with throat sweets she bravely croaked her way around the car park, waving her windmill. 

Cross Dresser finally gained control of the crowd to start the chorus of “Happy birthday to you…” Compost was given his birthday present: a new horn and then we were enlightened with tonight’s rules: “3 flat miles” – ahem, this is Bewdley! 5 hash halts tho so it’s not all bad. We were then pointed in the right direction and off we set.

Down towards Bewdley and much confusion as not a lot of flour or sawdust in sight, luckily Compost came cycling past giving us extra directions. Cutting up behind the Great Western, down Station Road and back towards the town with the first HH at the Black Boy Hotel. Plays with IT was caught lighting up but a round of the down downs song and happy birthday cheers to wash down the first round of beers put everyone else off the scent. A couple of beers in and there was a lot of “flop-a-lop-a-lop-a-lop” from Clodhopper!

Across the main road and down into Pewterer’s Alley, back down onto Stourport Road, across the bridge and along Severnside South. An impromptu photo stop at Gardener’s Meadow before heading up towards the 2nd HH at the Cricket Club with more sweets and beers and introductions to the newbie’s (or oldies) Bodyguard & Mike (who can’t remember if he ever had a hash name). 

A couple of snifters for our little green fairy meant she was starting to turn mischievous and getting more animated by the minute! She flew up the next hill as we headed up away from the cricket club and accosted Well Laid, who’s overalls were causing a bit of a scene but also as she had somehow made it as an FWB!

Racing on to the next HH at the Black Boy pub for more beers (& the refusal of water), the Pro got caught stealing the local rag and Say No More’s number wasn’t yet up but her crowning glory was subtly noted.

Through Hales Park and over to the Hop Pole for Pimms cocktail this time – my, he is spoiling us! The little green fairly was now slurring her words, losing her balance & being propped up by Shag. Meanwhile, the Pro was slugging from the jug in the most unladylike manner! (How very refreshing) A beautiful view over Bewdley, although another storm was now threatening…

A picturesque descent through the cobbled lanes, down to Welch Gate and down again to Severnside North, where Ellie was waiting for us with her birthday banner & a wee tipple of Port – hic! The Pro still had hold of her newspaper, Captain Caveman was contemplating “a dip in the stream,” then the rest of the crew caught up to enjoy the celebrations and a second round of birthday photos.

The final leg back to the on inn saw hashling Lost Skywalker racing ahead of Cross Dresser and the birthday boy somehow proficiently cycling back to continue the celebrations. Many happy returns Compost!

Down downs: awarded by a very merry jolly green fairy to Compost for his amazing birthday hash; the new boy (?!), Michael & the Bodyguard, Ellie for her refreshments, Well Laid for her Mrs Overall impersonation, for being an FWB & for falling; Penelope Pitstop for her birthday pole dance; then to the heats for the fancy dress competition: will it go to Say No More for her delicate daisy chain crown? Will it go to Copulation for his simple, yet effective, tribute to the birthday boy with his compost bag & plant pot helmet? Alas, no, the winner is Cyclopath for her family effort of the garden shed, garden fence and garden pond –well done!

Hot Lips x

P.S. Post-hash shenanigans saw Doggy Fashion stumble off into a hedge as Cross Dresser and Shag had to move Cleopatra’s car in order for Copulation to be dunked head first into a drain to retrieve her car keys – down downs to be carried over to next week methinks!
Next week: The Lock, Wolverley (family friendly half term hash)

The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath

# 254

Date: Thursday 16th May 2013

Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath

Food: Beef or vegetable stew with mash & peas

Beers: Bathams, Holdens Golden Wonder, Robinsons & Old Rosie cider

Hare: The Amateur

Virgins: Georgina, Pete & Steve

Visitors: Babooshka

Trail: The Amateur let it slip that when he checked out this route, it was about 8 miles. When he laid it, he tried to cut it short but there was a problem with everything being so overgrown… He also informed us that there were no sweets or beers, which also didn’t go down well… So here goes… That said, it was a wonderful hash, beautifully laid in flour (plenty of) with some fantastic views, an interesting assault course and a welcoming on inn. 

28 hashers, plus half a dozen hounds set off down the road, with the usual yells of “CAAARRR!!” with every passing vehicle. It wasn’t long before we turned off the road and onto some much more pleasant terrain underfoot. Captain Cavemen had the horn this evening yet spent most of his time bantering with Sprout. Say No More was sprinting out across the fields early on, whilst Dr Whiplash was acting slightly suspiciously, only to later claim he knew what he was doing but didn’t want to give the game away too soon.

The Pro surprised us with sweets at the first HH - we knew she wouldn’t let us down! Some more lovely countryside, with lots of stiles and the witnessing of various methods of dog-climbing (or just simply throwing them over), plus a little “present” left on one for those stragglers at the back. Slim Boy Fat shared his stash of goodies at the next HH. Then we were warned of a few potholes…

The assault course – a slippy, muddy downhill with lots of tree trunk obstacles, nettles a-plenty, lots of holes in the ground waiting to trap a hasher (hardly potholes, Amateur!), lots of squawking from the girls on the way down but fortunately, not too many muddy bums.

The only thing with a lot of down is that there is a lot of up to follow! Some ran, some walked, one collided with a tree, rendering him blind until the Pro spotted the lost specs (thankfully, not trampled on by the over-enthusiastics).

Beers, more sweets (he’s spoiling us) and a guest appearance from Tits or Treats at the final HH and don’t we all look wonderful in our new hash t-shirts? We certainly need a group photo for the album!

The final leg and almost another sheep-worrying episode for Demon Dog, causing Doggy Fashion to assert her “womanly disgust.” All to be forgotten back once back at the on inn as she remembered her excitement at having a new hashling in the group!

Down downs: awarded by an almost uncontrollably excited Doggy Fashion to the Amateur for his assault course hash, complete with sweets and beers; our virgins: Georgie, the hashling (the cause for such excitement), Pete Savoury & Steve (?Sweet); Cyclopath for trying to be discreet but being caught with her pants down; more hashling action from Darth Radar and his wooden machete; Legover for flashing in the car park at the start; Game Bird for her stinking behaviour; Dr Whiplash and his stumbling Velma impersonation “glaaaaaaases” and finally, Shag was called up for his down down, only to be reminded he’d had his earlier – ouch! Ha ha! Pure comedy genius! (You had to be there)

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Waggon & Horses, Bewdley

Gardening fancy dress to celebrate Compost’s 50th birthday

Chez Hash Quack, Menith Wood

# 253
Date: Thursday 9th May 2013
Venue: Chez Hash Quack & Get Down Shep

Food: Homemade chilli, rice & salad, cheese & biscuits
Beers: BYO or wine from the Ward’s wine cellar
Hares: Hash Quack & Get Down Shep
Virgins: none
Visitors: none

Trail: A beautiful, picturesque trail around Menith Wood and Great Witley, with the bluebells in bloom and even a little sunshine to light the way. Lots of ups and downs, lots of luscious terrain, lots of attention paid to Annie by the other canines, lots of jostling by young Torchy (yet again!) and of course, lots of fun.

Get Down Shep approached the first HH heavily laden down by his paratrooper—style rucksack and we almost wondered why he was carrying it until we were treated to some rather special sweet and tangy worms. Golden Shower was found crouching alongside a Beetle but wasn’t checking his makeup; instead he required the delicate extraction of an insect from under his eyelid.

The rucksack was proving to be too much for our trooper and off he went short-cutting whilst the rest of us climbed the next hill and then went galloping off down through the fields with a cheeky sharp left-hand hairpin bend and yet another ascent to the next HH. Some hashers got a little too excited about the beers – maybe Slippery Nipples might have been more appropriate? 

A herd of manic sheep throwing themselves at a wire fence got Shag and his Demon Dog with our RA but she soon forgot this episode and started recounting how she was enjoying her new musical purchases, her Mystic Meg prowess and how she’d got her large jugs out in the school canteen.

Hash Quack nearly got herself in a spot of bother as it appeared that she was losing her own trail but the apple loops saved her at the 3rd HH and they were soon proclaimed to be the confectionery equivalent of panache!

Down downs: Doggy Fashion awarded down downs to Hash Quack and Get Down Shep for their wonderful hash, their wonderful hospitality and their re-routing of food money towards Early Riser’s charity run. There had been a lot of whingeing on facebook about this one, given Hash Quack’s previous history, but this hash was just lovely. Some beautiful scenery plus we were home before dark. We did see some changes in the weather along the way but all in all, it was a great one! Early Riser for his spectacular fall over a twig, right in front of Doggy Fashion so there was no way of escaping that one, and for his 10K run for charity at the weekend; Torchy the Battery Boy for his 50 mile bike ride on BH Monday plus him trying to jostle the RA along the way tonight; Captain Cavemen for short-cutting over a stile as the farmer observed this trespassing manoeuvre; Trenchfoot for surprising us all just after the 2nd HH then racing off ahead leaving those behind to wonder who on earth had joined us; Copulation for his Julie Andrews tribute to the wonderful countryside; and finally, to Leg Over, who didn’t get his leg over anything this evening as he was still nursing his poorly feet – all together now – aaaaaaaaaaah!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Fox Inn, Hanley Child

The Fox Inn, Monkwood Green

# 251

Date: Thursday 25^th April 2013

Pub: The Fox Inn, Monkwood Green

Food: Home made chunky vegetable soup with bread and after dinner mints!!

Beers: HPA, Butty Bach, Robinson’s cider

Hares: The Fiddler and Russell Sprout

Virgins: Just Olivia

Visitors: Babooshka (Malvern)

Trail: A lovely 5 miler, mostly off road this evening, around the Monkwood Green nature reserve, with a bag of flour supposedly used for each mile(?!)   This was certainly the safari hash, with more wammals than you could shake a stick at: the nesting swan and her angry mate, the sheep, the ducks and geese, the sheep, the cattle, the horses and yet more sheep. 

Fiddler and Sprout could probably be forgiven as the trail had most likely been eaten by said wammals, however, Sprout kept forgetting the route and leading us down unintended falsies, much to his amusement.  He had to show us the first 2 hash halts too as the flour was practically non-existent but we soon forgot those minor details once the sweets were opened.   

Previous warnings to take our maps went unheeded as we thought that the hares might actually have a clue.  How wrong we were!  The angry farmer confirmed this too… (if only we had a Lost in the hash – tee hee!)  After running rings around him (he’ll only suffer chafing in that boiler suit) we set off into another field to bother some more sheep.

 And so, more styles, a strange boggy field that had Sprout roaring with laughter again, an electric fence giving Game Bird a thrilling time but leaving Cross Dresser caught in the cross fire, more wammals (including a few lively horses) and a final HH with Panache.  …did I mention wammals?

Luckily, no one was lost.  We all made it back to one of the best on inns, if not THE best, for some homemade hearty soup & bread and the piece de resistance – the after dinner mints.  We don’t want to go home!

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion (who was very impressed with the pub, it’s food & the after dinner mints) to The Fiddler and Russell Sprout for their controversial hash with live falsies and angry farmers advocating the use of maps (he did warn us!); Visitor Baboushka, Say No More for her hedgerow impression comparing the meerkat, Penelope Pitstop for getting herself caught in the gents; Game Bird for her shocks and thrills; and finally to  our virgin, Just Olivia, who was caught with handprints on her rear, resulting in a naming - Well Spanked.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Black Boy, Wyre Hill, Bewdley

T-shirts – the first batch got an outing this evening and we were all very impressed!  If you would like one, let me know your size & I’ll order, H x

The Fox, Monkwood Green (part)at Garmin Connect - Details

250th Red Dress Hash, Kinver

# 250

Date: Thursday 18^th April

Venue: car park behind the Constitution Club, Kinver

Food: Indian at Shimla Tandoori, Kinver

Beers: BYO (excellent selection at the Coop, Kinver)

Hares: Game Bird and Bubbles

Visitors: Captain Kremmen, Ball Bag (MH3), Tweeny, Stretch & Titanic (BH3)

Virgins: none

Trail: 30 hashers congregated in their finest red frocks for tonight’s celebratory WFH3 250^th hash.  Captain Kremmen told us about the original Lady in Red, who sadly died last week.  He paid a fitting tribute as he told us about the history of the red dress hash.  A show of hands for tea & then there was no stopping us.  A dry trail this evening, lacking in flour, blamed on the gale force winds of the previous night but who needs flour when one of the hare’s an FRB?

Up out of the car park and onto the Compa, then back down to the high street and across the playing fields, turning a few heads and rendering some footballers speechless.  No sweets at the first HH but a game of human BMX kept us entertained – Wet Wipe was quickest but wasn’t wearing a dress so was surely disqualified?  Wrong was posing for pics but feeling a little shy so treated us to Cross Dresser’s lucky pants instead.

Off through the woods, through some of Kinver’s country lanes and a scenic route along to the canal.  Bristols was missing her Golden Shower at the next HH but his wammel got more of a welcome once he finally caught up.  Cyclopath faithfully said she preferred the Amateur’s horn, which put an extra spring in his step, particularly as he’d also seen a rare spot of flour. 

Bubbles then started to show his competitive nature, leading Copulation, Leg Over and a few more of us down a long falsie – we called him another name beginning with B for this.  We should have listened to our instincts, we knew we had to cross the next bridge.  Some more canal tow-path running and some lovely old cottages to view along the way. 

Now there might have been a lack of sweets at the previous HH’s but the finale made up for it all – Panache, flasks of tea, plates of sweets, homemade bunting, a smiling hostess and some groovy tunes – it was like being back at the school disco!  Cheers to our 250^th hash.  Whizzo!

And so, with spirits raised, we set off to complete the final leg.  Bubbles, still the ever-competitive FRB, was first back to the on inn (hasn’t anyone told him that this is a non-competitive sport?)  Cross Dresser’s makeup was still firmly in place begging the question “where did you get that lip gloss?” I want some!

Down downs: Game Bird & Bubbles for their great hash and for Bubbles being the winning hare; Well Laid for locking her keys in her car; Wet Wipe for complaining about the lack of totty; Tits or Treats for her strangely silent return; and finally to Captain Kremmen, Slim Boy Fat and Lassie for their truly inspiring costumes!

Happy 250^th hash everyone!

Hot Lips x

For those of you who have ordered t-shirts, we should have them for next week.     For those of you who haven’t yet ordered t-shirts, let me know your size & I’ll order, it’s not too late!  (We’ve gone for the round neck sports option for a tenner each, I’ve done a deal)  On on

Next week: The Fox Inn, Monkwood Green

Our route, Check it out!!

http://connect.garmin.com/activity/301573626#.UXTxs6LfhR8.email