The Manor Arms, Abberley

# 299

Date: Thursday 13th March
Pub: The Manor Arms, Abberley
Beers: HPA, Tribute, Twisted Spire, Manor Arms Ale and Robinson’s cider
Food: (expensive but lovely) meat/veggie chilli & rice (bread & olives for the latecomers)
Hares: Hash Quack & Get Down Shep
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: a Hash Quack special!

15 hashers and a couple of canines met up on this cool, starry evening, ready for a Hash Quack special off-road marathon. Game Bird was dispensing loot from her car boot whilst we all battled for a parking space on the car park. It was a welcome return for Crossdresser, who’s been off hobnobbing with the stars… and now relieved to be back home with his very own Wyre Forest H3 superstars.

Hash Quack almost forgot to let us in on tonight’s details (I think the rather pricey posh nosh had put her off her stride). The only thing we all know is – it’s gonna be a long one!!!!

And so, everyone ran off in different directions but I spotted Get Down Shep sauntering down the hill, so I surreptitiously called Cyclopath and Cleopatra this way and we giggled behind him!

The Amateur was back with the horn tonight, although the Pro wasn’t joining us until later. He and Copulation were the usual FRBs extraordinaire, managing to get ahead at any given opportunity. There was lots of off road, lots of hills, not a lot of flour at the start, some sweets at the first HH, although Hash Quack seemed to be in a hurry to get us to check it out - presumably to ensure we were back home before breakfast!

Out into the open and across a (…nother very wet) field, only to be met with a hedge and no check (tut tut). I was the only fool to check down the hill, whilst everyone else went up (of course). Clodhopper was on standby to uphold the wobbly gate, whilst we all clambered over – or in Demon Dog;s case, under.

Torchy Boy proclaimed, “this is a Rachel hash!” and headed off up the hill, only to be proved right! Who’s the Daddy was calling “don’t look up” as we headed up a long incline, the almost full moon and stars lighting our way. This sounds very poetic, of course, but the truth is, the muddy path really had us sliding all over the place!

Up to the top of Abberley Hill and a lovely winding run through the woods. Lots of calling (for a change), although the calls from the front got further & further away… I love running along paths like this, mind; Cleopatra loves it too! Down a set of stairs to the road and HH number 2 where Get Down Shep sought out the refreshments – juice, beers and some rather delicious peach rings, resulting in a humbs up from everyone!

A short trip along the road, before cutting back onto some more slushy fields. A bit of chaos as we all lost the trail, only to be called back by Hash Quack. Across another wet field, where the next HH was a mere formality in order to regroup, before we were sent off again, without sweets, through the gate. It wasn’t long before we picked up the (newly refurbished) On Inn for our posh nosh.

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Hash Quack and Get Down Shep for their wonderful hash, despite Get Down Shep displaying blatant disregard for the rules of hashing (namely, getting the hashers to find the way for themselves); Crossdresser for returning from his nob-hugging and finally to Who’s the Daddy for his pub step contortions.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Hare & Hounds, Broadwaters, Kidderminster, DY10 2UL

Good luck to all of you doing GREAT things with your races, duathlons and triathlons etc – I’m entering my first 5K race this Sunday! Woo hoo! (Gotta start somewhere!)

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The Amateur's Birthday Hash

#296 The Amateur's Birthday Hash

Date: Thursday 27th February 
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Beers: Yes
Food: Really Spicy Chilli, Rice and Chips and Salad Cream
Hares: The Pro and The Amateur
Virgins/Visitors: None

Trail:

Not many hashers tonight with a distinct lack of Worcester and Kidderminster peeps and only one Rachel! There was a delay setting off waiting for late arrivals and those with Satnav user errors. Our award-winning GM, Crossdresser, was sorely missed as we filed out of the warm pub and just had to get on with it, basically, after a few words from The Pro about the trail. We weren't really sure if there was a hare at all...

We took a left out of the car park, along the main road and left again down the lane, our torch lights catching the snowdrops as we dodged the puddles. Game Bird was wondering if it would be all on roads but soon we were climbing over what was going to be the first of many ¡¡GATES!! and we were in a muddy field.

There were plenty of neat, circular checks to keep Coplulation happy after a few weeks off and eventually we reached the first hash halt. Our numbers were boosted with the surprise appearance of Tits or Treats who was waiting patiently for us. Tangfastics were handed round as there was more discussion of footwear. Bristols' recent purchase was admired and The Pro told us the only evidence she had that The Amateur had left to lay the trail was that he'd run off with her right trainer.

ON ON we went as it was getting too cold to hang around and there was talk of another part-timer, Legover, appearing at the next hash halt. There were lots more muddy fields, massive puddles, ¡¡GATES!! and tricky stiles before stopping for a rest and more sweets. 

At some point, Game Bird must have had a little rest on a muddy stile, as she was running around with a mud butterfly printed on her backside. The flour seemed harder to find for the rest of the hash as we headed towards the farm for a third hash halt. There was a visit to the petting zoo with the baby Herefordshire calves the star attraction. Aaaahhhh.

The front runners missed this treat and also failed to find any flour on the scenic route back to the pub, so just went along the lanes instead. Legover was having a pint with the hare after deciding to def it after all.

Down downs:

Doggy Fashion awarded The Amateur a whole pint of beer for being the birthday boy as well as the Phantom Hare. Game Bird got one for looking like she'd had a spicy vege chilli before the hash, thanks to her bottom print. Legover nearly got one for having a pint instead of joining us but Doggy Fashion decided he didn't deserve it. Who's the Daddy got one too which he downed very quickly, but I can't remember why and it doesn't say on the notes. Anybody?

Cleopatra x

Next week: Northwick Arms,Worcester

The Mare & Colt

# 294

Date: Thursday 13th February
Pub: The Mare & Colt
Beers: Town Crier, Blonde something or other, Bird's something or other, a nice free bottle of red if you order 2 steaks, lime & soda
Food: very nice posh nosh off the menu
Hare: Wrong/Pootle
Visitors/virgins: none

The wiggly hash (thanks Well Laid)

So let's see who can guess who Sprout was listening to:

We were all Living on a Prayer this evening; not even stormy weather, The Flood nor the full moon could put us off - plus Wrong had already tempted us with a reasonably short one too - hooray!

It was a mostly on road hash taking us around every close & cul de sac in and around Spennels. We probably never ventured out of a square mile but discovered every back alley on the estate with lots of clever twists and turns. 

Trench Foot made his annual appearance, we tried to lose him but he managed to rejoin us a few loops down the line. We just hope he's Back For Good although you never can tell.

Game Bird had the wrong footwear on for all this Tarmac (being the mud master that she is) but I was very glad to keep my feet dry for a change.

Most of us barely raised a trot this evening but there was lots of excitement as almost everyone had a chance to be an FRB with all the checks! 

Doggy Fashion and Cleopatra got wise and held back just long enough to witness Wrong's new markings, although no one took him up on how to approach such markings. 

There was one HH with beers/juice and valentine-themed sweets. This is How You Remind Me that last year's romantic hash wasn't a Bed of Roses, instead it was tainted with elastic traumas!

Who's The Daddy kept passing us in his Blaze of Glory as he's keen to build up his racing snake stamina. 

Leg Over was enjoying the chit chat this evening, full up on carbs after his weekend of chasing Hash Quack's tail, Hash Quack Always takes the lead!

There was a bit of short cutting on the only bit of off road - Dr Whiplash & Doggy Fashion were incriminated but there seemed to be a bit of a discrepancy so in the end it kind of didn't matter anyway.

Down downs - Patience isn't a quality Wrong possesses, therefore he had his before dinner and swiftly left. That said, it was a wonderful hash and the "owd 'un" had really marked his territory! 
The rest of us, once Legover had decided we definitely weren't doing the quiz, enjoyed our lovely meals before continuing with the proceedings. 
Hash Quack should have had one but had to leave as she felt queasy (*make up own rumours here*); 
Trench Foot got one for just turning up; Cyclopath didn't run but got one for not doing the quiz; Legover got Hash Quack's (Always second best) and for not doing the quiz, DF should have had one herself for short cutting but she was just relieved not to have done the quiz 

Hot Lips x

Next week - the George, Bewdley

Congratulations to all the Mud Masters: Hash Quack, Leg Over (2nd), Game Bird, Cyclopath and Plays with IT

Good luck & well done to anyone else entering/competing in races. I truly think it's awesome!

The Mug House, Claines

# 291

Date: Thursday 23rd January 2014
Pub: The Mug House, Claines
Beers: Oxford Gold, Cocker Hoop, Thatcher’s Gold cider
Food: chips, sandwiches and pasties – lush
Hare: Leg Over (Oh no its wasn’t! Oh yes it was!)
Visitors/virgins: none (well, almost)

Trail: The pantomime hash

About 25 of us arrived for this evening’s performance:

Act 1: The audience was gripped as Widow Twankey delivered the opening lines. There was still some tittering in the wings about one of the ugly sister’s wanting to help by “bashing one out.” Wishy Washy was sent back to the laundry, leaving Aladdin to enlighten us with tonight’s shenanigans.

Widow Twankey made lots of good calls early on and was a real FRB during the first part of the show. Of course, there were the obligatory innuendoes about knickers, plus an impromptu game of racing balls!

Cinderella wasn’t racing back from her ball, she gracefully trotted along at her own pace. She just wasn’t happy with the hills… or the mud… Maybe her glass slipper was giving her some gip?

The pantomime horse (the inseparable, duelling hashlings) got itself into a spot of trouble, requiring intervention from Mother Goose as they wrestled each other to the ground.

It was a long time before the genie appeared to grant us our sweets and beers in the intervals but once it started, the 3 wishes came in quick succession!

All the ugly sisters and princes remained way out at the front, deciphering the way, whilst the fairy godmothers and princesses sweetly followed behind.

Act 2: More mud, muddy puddles, giggles and belly laughs. Aladdin wasn’t giving much away in the way of directions and even conspired in sending a small group off in the wrong direction. It’s behind you! It’s this way! Oh what a hoot!

An all-star cast full of ugly sisters and fairy godmothers, princes and princesses and a hero that got us home in time for tea!

The ugly sisters were still feuding, this time over the sarnies and pasties.

Down downs – awarded by Mother Goose to Aladdin for his inadvertent pantomime hash – oh no it wasn’t! Oh yes it was! Barry the partial virgin as he only turned up for food; Buttons for not being recognized with his clothes on; another ugly sister for turning up unfashionably late in the new year; and finally, to Snow White for her pure innocence.

The post-performance conversations in the green room afterwards would have been enough to make your toes curl – the Fifty Shades of Grey board (bored) game seeming tame in comparison to the effects that books (in general) have on someone’s bodily functions! Never mind, there was still time to unwind with some Pilates…

Tinkerbell x
NB Everyone’s names have been changed to protect the (not so) innocent.

The Alma Tavern, Worcester

#288

Date: Thursday 9th January, 2014
Pub: The Alma Tavern, Worcester
Beer: Draught John Smiths bitter, Banks Mild
Food: massive trays of chips, with meat or veggie lasagne or chicken curry
Hare: Who's the Daddy
Virgins/visitors: Esme, Tom, Dangerous Dave

Trail:
Spirits were high as the 25 or so (didn't actually count) hashers mingled with Crossdressers' work colleagues and Still Sore's friend Esme. It was worth the trek all the way down to Worcester, as we were treated to the return of Wet Wipe and the elusive Early Riser.

As we set off up and down the Droitwich Road (with the hare on his bike), there was momentary confusion as nobody had explained the rules to the virgins. There were random joggers running the wrong way to confuse things even more but we eventually found some carefully laid flour. 

I'm sorry but I don't know any street names or local points of interest, but it was all very nice. At one point it looked like we were going to go along the canal, the locals amongst us trying to guess the route, but the hare foxed us all and sent us round the houses. We crossed over the canal, most of us sensibly over the lock gate, but a few young guns didn't think that was dangerous enough, so jumped across the empty lock. Then Copulation had to have a go too, and we were all relieved when everyone was safely over to the other side. Don't try this at home!

Even the yoots in the park were well-dressed and pleasant, though they did heckle us as we dispersed, looking for freshly laid flour. The trail was found and we ran along the canal, trying not to send passing cyclists into the water. There was a hash halt under a bridge with supermarket own-brand sweets. 

So we did some more running and shouting and I have no idea where we went as I was deep in conversation with Russell Sprout about Xboxes. We ended up at another hash halt with Panaché (my predictive text recognises this word now, amazing) and more supermarket own-brand sweets. Which isn't a criticism at all. 

Then I can't remember how we got there, but there was a third hash halt where Plays With IT didn't seem overly concerned that his son was missing in action, along with Torchy and Early Riser. We were entertained with stories about Tom's wardrobe, bless him.

It wasn't far then until the On Inn, but we nearly lost Legover as he was checking it out. He suddenly found himself caught in the high tide in the park.

On our return to the pub we were relieved to see Early Riser, Russell Sprout and Torchy.

What a lovely hash!

Down downs:
Awarded by the lovely Doggie Fashion to hare Who's the Daddy (I always think of Spotted Dick when I write that, what happened to him?), virgins Esme (who had gone home), along with a naming for Tom: Triple Denim for his fashion faux pas. Triple Denim was so keen and we were all so taken with him, he was awarded an extra prize. Wet Wipe also got a down down for being bang tidy, and I think Dangerous for visiting, Copulation for being bare-chested with trousers 'ajar' in the car park, along with a mention for Legover being completely naked after his Austin Powers style manoeuvring.

Tara a bit!

Cleopatra 

Disclaimer for Copulation: 
All persons featuring in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. 

11th January: Family Hash, Bewdley Wassail, Gardeners Meadow Car Park.

Next week: The Hampstall, Astley Burf

Brookfield House

# 287 

Date: Thursday 2nd January 2014 
Venue: Brookfield House
Beers: Anything goes as it’s bring your own… but Skol??? That’s a real blast from the past!
Food: Homemade sausages, mash & onion gravy plus jacket potatoes with tuna mayo and/or cheese and salad… then homemade apple crumble and ice cream for pudding plus loads of other lovely Christmas leftovers…
Hare: well, it should have been Darth Radar but Clodhopper and Boris stepped in to save the day…
Visitors/virgins: none
Trail: the New Year birthday hash splash & mash! (thanks Cleopatra!)

Cleopatra said she’d counted 28 hashers and hashlings but this proved to be a difficult task as most were hiding out in the house hoping they could just go for the birthday splash and then reconvene for the food... This was not to be; we were persuaded outside for the usual preamble and a round of Happy New Year before being sent off to check it out.

There were a few belated festive costumes – Wrong had his Christmas lights on and the Amateur was sporting his Moustache a few weeks too late but hey ho, off we go.

Starting off down Lowe Lane and turning off towards the Bridgnorth Road, everyone was in a very jolly mood and it was great to see the lovers back from their countless outward-bound trips. Darth Radar was way out front, whilst Clodhopper brought up the rear as the off road part of the hash was underway.

The hashlings were treated to a shortcut whilst everyone else was taken on an adventure down to the bog, where they had to negotiate the freezing cold stream before ascending to join us at the 1st hash halt. Sleeping Beauty and Batman were already sharing sweets of their own, whilst Wrong was sharing his New Year wishes.

Back down the lane towards Low Habberley and into the valley, where Sleeping Beauty and I remained at the back, oblivious to any shenanigans that might be going on up front. There was, however, one little incident that Cyclopath asked me not to mention, so I won’t.

Crossdresser found an excuse to sample everyone’s goods at the 2nd HH as Clodhopper had provided refreshments but no bottle opener. He had also mislaid his phone whilst marking the largest HASH HALT ever! Luckily, he found it.

Up through the trees, across the top and out of the valley towards High Habberley where Say No More noticed my plan of keeping my hashlings close by only having one torch. (She should have been here a few weeks ago, I didn’t have one at all!)

Cutting across the corner of Habberley estate and down Manor Avenue, down Habberley Road before heading down into Blake Marsh, where Batman could barely stay on his two feet and we had a very soggy HH.

Back through Franche, where the hashlings were treated to another shortcut and so were back early enough to get into the pool before Bushwhacker and Sprout. Whatever else might have happened out there is a sheer mystery.

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Clodhopper for his hash, splash & mash hash; Darth Radar for being the elusive birthday boy; Hopscotch for the scrummy homemade food; Sweet Tooth for being abandoned by her dad on more than one occasion this evening; Copulation for falling, but as he had abandoned his daughter yet again, his down down was sent home for him ; Plays with IT for his shiny new shoes; and finally, a naming for Emily - Splash Cat.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Alma Tavern, Worcester, WR3 7HT

Brookfield House Hash by Lassie Details

Brookfield House Hash - Details