The Honey Bee, Doverdale or the Stingers, Brambles and Wasps Hash

# 269

Date: Thursday 29th August 2013 

Pub: The Honey Bee, Doverdale

Beers: Abbott, Ale, London Pride, Doom Bar,

 Magners Gold & Strongbow ciders

Food: off the menu

Hare: Legover

Visitors: none

Virgins: none

Trail: This has been hailed as Legover’s brutal assault course. It was yet another lovely summer’s evening but we had been warned - no shorts! Of course, this resulted in Game Bird and Lassie ridiculing those of us that had actually listened. In any case, wasps don’t worry what you’re wearing do they?

And so, 20 hashers, 6 hashlings and one Demon Dog set out down the lane. It was a welcome return for Cleopatra and Early Riser, although Early Riser was found to be very complaining towards the end of the hash and will more than likely endeavour to be a late or non-riser in future. Game Bird found herself a big stick and set off with the girly hashlings like the pied piper, all of them gaily prancing around.

Back to Legover’s assault course; I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve such punishment? Very early on, the rule of “3 and you’re on” was flouted by the

hare as we got a check back down nettle alley. Cross Dresser and Cyclopath stood at the top of the hill watching the hashlings emerge from the painful undergrowth.

Some more confused markings at the next field caused some more groaning at both the nettle stings and the trail itself. Copulation and the Amateur took the lead, Game Bird stayed with the hashlings, Doggy Fashion and myself gave up and sauntered along for a while, lusting over young rock stars, whilst Legover carelessly grinned to himself at the back.

Clodhopper was the first to disturb the wasps, Unlaced squealed and did a little dance before darting off out of sight. I got stung behind my knee before realising what was going on and swiftly followed Unlaced. Doggy Fashion got stung on her lip and Shag got stung on his back. Doggy Fashion had never been seen to move so fast and was still hollering “run for your lives!” half a mile away. More were stung but we were miles away by then.

There were only 2 HHs, no drinks (because he couldn’t be bothered to carry them) but a fine selection of sweets. Some were so traumatised by the hash stinglings that extra halts were taken. Some had even provided their own refreshments! Legover kindly shared his child-friendly insect bite cream with almost everyone at the final HH, whilst Dr Whiplash and the Pro shared out the blackberries they’d picked.

Dananananananananananananananana Batman was chuckling to himself after hearing Bushwhacker’s comment of “my dad’s awesome, he’s got a gun and shoots people!” Sprout tried to curb Bushwhacker’s language, aware that there were many younger hashlings around. The hashling girls had somehow conned Shag into giving them all piggy backs, whilst Copulation produced a whip, just right for the occasion!

The sun was setting beautifully over the lake; the fisherman’s tranquil evening being rudely broken by our presence. The combine harvester was another hash surprise but at least it was easier to leap across the corn furrows than the sinking soil furrows! A shady woodland before yet another dash down nettle alley – just in case anyone had failed to get stung already. 

Down downs: Legover was spanked rather than thanked for his brutal hash, Doggy Fashion whipping him for each of his misdemeanours – the check backs, the combine harvester, for hiding the flour under leaves, the lack of drinks, the brambles, the nettles and the wasps nest… he was given extra spankings for the brambles, nettles and wasps nests. Lost Skywalker for his shivalrous behaviour in beating back the brambles and nettles with a large light sabre; Game Bird for also using branches as machetes; Copulation for his conspicuous whip “finding” ; Andy for just being Andy; and finally to Shag for being the birthday boy.

Happy birthday was sung to Shag, the Pro and myself before launching into Shag’s birthday games: Golden Graeme and Who’s this? Judging from the hash flashes, there were more birthday shenanigans involving hashling pyramids and flour showers – I notice Legover remained un-floured…

Hot Lips x

Next week: Ye Olde Seven Stars, Kidderminster (please note change of venue)

Stingers, Brambles and Wasps Hash by Garmin Connect - Details

The Harbour, Arley

# 267

Date: Thursday 15th August 2013
Pub: The Harbour, Arley
Beer: Wye Valley, Robinsons cider, “special” lime & soda (well, it ought to be special at £2.50 a pint!!!!)
Food: off the menu 
Hare: Wrong
Virgins: Liz & Andy (Big Bang)
Visitors: none

Trail: I dow think the buz would get dowun this big ‘ill, dun yow?

A bostin’ trail this evening, no wammals neither so no worries of upsetting the angry farmer. A spin off group (the diplomatic crew) went for a walk around Eymore woods whilst the rest of us followed combinations of timber and wheat based derivatives. Extra marks were laid along the way, which obviously helped Legover for his late arrival.

Starting out running down to the river, following the path across the field and up to the farm to the first HH, where we were treated to swarms of flying ants causing us all to move on across the railway track. Most of us got caught out with the next part of the trail, having moved the HH, so we all headed back down to the farm and up the field past the ‘osses. 

Over a stile and up through the caravan park, with our very own well-wishers cheering us along. Noticing that Shag had not caught up, the Pro & I ran with Ollie and I said I’d keep an eye out for him, encouraging him to keep up the pace. Up the lane to the 2nd HH, with some lovely sour jelly sweets & a couple of spectators. Wrong reminded us yet again NOT to go through a cross – something tells me the angry farmer is close by.

Down the lane this time, cutting off through some more fields. Bushwacker & Russell Sprout were jumping fences & stiles and I thought I could do it too… right up until I had started my leap… when my confidence faltered at the worst possible moment… Needless to say, I just about made it over the stile but landed in a heap on the floor on the other side. Young Ollie was now looking after me!

Battered and bruised I made it to the 3rd HH, where the lovers were arm in arm (again). We were treated to sweets and drinks at this one! Back along the lane, down towards the river again, cutting off through a field where Clodhopper became “wheat at the knees.” The young ‘uns soon slowed down after their earlier energetic escapades and caused a bit of a jam but were soon to be overtaken. Legover appeared out of nowhere and sprinted to the on inn whilst the rest of us enjoyed the quick descent through the grassy fields.

Down downs: Wrong for his bostin’ ‘ash plus sweets and drinks; Hot Lips for “waking up the ****ing RA last week plus her attempt at being wonderwoman this evening (it really wasn’t wonderful at all); Compost for copping out with his “bad nad” groin strain; our virgins: Andy (big Bang) and Liz; and finally to the Amateur for his extra nipple.

Hot Lips x

Next week: Brookfield House, Wolverley (Cinderella’s birthday BBQ afterwards)

Fruiterers Arms Hash

I wonder when the next boat leaves here?

# 266 (it might as well have been hash 666 for me)

Date: Thursday 8th August 2013
Pub: The Fruiterer’s Arms, Uphampton
Beer: King’s Shilling, Arrowhead, Fruiterer’s Mild 
Food: Cheese & ham sarnies & chips
Hare: Hot Lips
Virgins: Ollie
Visitors: none

Trail: I’ve named this the “It’ll be alright on the night” hash!

I had an unusual sense of impending doom regarding this hash for some strange reason or another: I’d not run for 3 weeks, booked to do this on a day when I was working (confused off duty, never good), only managed to do half a recce of the trail on Sunday when rain stopped play and I got flashbacks from that tragic rain swept night last October, I pulled myself together again and hooked up with Father Christmas to lay the trail on Wednesday and we got a little lost in places, I almost forgot the hash halts but was, finally, pretty pleased with it as I’d used 5 bags of flour! (fingers crossed for no rain)

Then on the day, I left work late and there was no GM again… Can anything else go wrong? Wrong stepped in to GM but forgot my hash name – shall I just go home now? Wrong nearly did!

Oh well, here goes… 

A mixture of on and off road on this sunny evening for the 22 hashers, 1 hashling and a few canines. Due to my lack of recent exercise, I was very glad to be at the back chatting with Instant Whip and Tits or Treats, whilst trying to remember to mark the on inn. Clodhopper arrived fashionably late and was rewarded with relieving me of my rucksack. Despite this, I still almost had an asthma attack at the top of the hill (and I’m not even asthmatic!)

Cutting down through Hillhampton Woods and a clever falsie sent the pack off in the wrong direction, resulting in me catching up quite nicely. The pack retreated to the correct path but the Amateur, Hash Quack and Legover decided not to follow the crowds they had misled and shortcutted back to join us. The garden path wasn’t a problem and the 1st HH was very welcome as the sweets gave us some much-needed energy.

From this point, I managed to pick up my pace a bit – I suppose it is a bit easier on the downhill to the river! Clodhopper was dishing out the sweets at the 2nd HH, whilst Lassie was already mentally checking out the route; sheep hadn’t been spoken of at the start so it can’t be that way… Can it…?

Legover was quick to pick up the trail, whilst the lovers’ dog, Brian, who I’d been told was named after the drinking, womanizing dog in Family Guy, was now adding sheep-worrying to his repertoire as he’d found his own prize to check out and no one was going to stop him. He finally halted just as it looked as though the sheep were about to be herded into the river. 

Meanwhile, Doggy Fashion took advantage of finding Shag in a compromising position and upended him into the nettles - revenge for announcing her latest acquisition.

On on along the river Severn, a straight path making up part of the Severn Way, which Unlaced walked in it’s entirety last year – a very impressive feat. The 3rd HH at the picturesque Holt Fleet lock required to slow the FRBs down a bit. Then the only way is up…

Under Holt Fleet bridge, left past the Wharf, up and over the road and into Bennett’s Farm where one of my mistakes resulted in the farmer politely telling me the path did not go past his front door (well, it’s easy when you actually know it goes through the vast field of rhubarb!) The Pro tried to sort the wheat from the chaff by talking business to him, although he was a little cautious to say the least.

Back up the lanes, heading back towards Borley, cutting through some fields, a bit of an assault course through the paddock and woods, then the neatly manicured garden, where my trail had been re-laid by the owner apparently not wanting our sort on his lawn!

Back to the on inn for some beautifully fresh sarnies and chips. Phew, I’m glad that’s over and it went well! (I’m not sure what happened to the 4th HH tho…!!)

Down downs: Hot Lips for a brilliant hash, a missing HH and some new favourite sweets – rhubarb & custard jellies; Ollie – our hashling virgin; The Amateur, Hash Quack and Legover for shortcutting (although Hash Quack had already shortcutted home by the time we got round to down downs!) Instant Whip for her badly behaved Brian; and finally, to Shag for his lack of trustworthiness, resulting in him being pushed over into the nettles and also for trying to bungee jump Brian over the stiles (thank goodness for his new harness!)

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Harbour, Arley

Fruiterers Arms Hash route

The Blount Arms by Garmin Connect -

The Blount Arms Hash  route - Details

The Old Waggon & Horses (last minute change)

# 261 

Date: Thursday 4th July 2013 
Pub: The Old Waggon & Horses (last minute change)
Beer: Bathams, Banks’s Bitter & Mild, Robinsons cider
Food: Scampi & chips / pie & chips / curry / cheesy chips & salad
Hare: Shag (another last minute change)
Virgins: Vyvyan (hope she survives this ok)
Visitors: none (probably for the best)

Trail: change of plan for RA’s birthday, she’s still ill, had forgotten to book the Black Boy so left Shag to be her knight in shining armour to save the day, book a new venue & lay the trail (and they say men can’t multi task!). A brief 3 miler tonight, laid very haphazardly in flour, with a few mishaps along the way…

A gloriously sunny summer evening, there was some confusion over the fancy dress but the few that did turn up ready for the Independence Day theme were excellent, particularly Sponge Bob who pounced out of the back of his van in his itsy bitsy teeny weeny American stars and stripes bikini! It was good to see his van looking a little tidier too – not too sure of the new addition tho…?

Wrong had his stateside pyjama bottoms and bandana on, the lovers had their matching stars & stripes t-shirts & wigs on, Shag sported his Joe Montana look, whilst Dr Whiplash remained in his work suit for a while too long, despite saying he was running… then somehow, Superman appeared! Game Bird made a welcome return this evening (long time no see) after gallivanting off to foreign climes chasing her Iron Man.

Anyway, we started out across the road and down the garden path to the first HH 30 seconds later at Doggy Fashion’s house, complete with Panache, a wonderful selection of birthday sweets and some borrowed birthday banners. In this heat, we can all do with a hash with this sort of an effort – run for a minute, then refreshments for 5.

We then said goodbye to DF here as she returned to her sick bed, then back out onto the road and up towards the safari park, crossing over and heading up the lane towards Rhydd Covert. Sponge Bob was getting plenty of attention from the passing traffic as he picked up the pace at the front, obviously feeling much more aerodynamic in his outfit. Some welcome shade down the sandy path down to the 2nd HH – no more refreshments so instead some posing for pictures.

Cinders (finally) picked up the next trail from here and we saw some of the mishaps with the flour that was spoken about at the start. Copulation was reluctant to follow Sponge Bob down a trail, trying to keep his reputation intact and Dr Whiplash was so far out in front we couldn’t really tell what he was shouting, so like sheep, we all followed… only to be called back… but we’d spotted a shortcut anyway!

The 3rd HH at the Devil’s Spittleful saw the hare at the front getting very excited about all the sweaty bodies arriving. Another quick pitstop (and no more sweets) and we were off down towards Bewdley. I stopped to admire the poppy fields but someone went one better and treated the spectators at the back to a treat, really living up to her name!

Across and down the Stourport Road, cutting down towards the river, with lots of checks but actually a straight path (so where did the hare get all his scratches from?) All the way to Beale’s Corner and some concern over the markings – was it flour or ant powder? Back up to the On Inn and very pleased with myself to be the first female back this evening (but then again, no Hash Quack, Say No More or Pro tonight either!) A slightly better changing room experience this evening – nothing to trip or fall over, no surprise entrances, no rocking but it gets very dark when locked!

Down downs: DF rejoined us for the meal & to award down downs to Shag for his swift lay with plenty of white stuff; Vyvyan the virgin; Tits or Treats for getting her puppies out amongst the poppies; Cyclopath for misleading DF by turning up all dressed up but having only run down the hill; Sponge Bob for having the best fancy dress; and finally to Wrong for his forthcoming naked 5K run at the weekend – dow forget yower suncream!

Hot Lips x

Next week – The Cat, Enville (wim off to mayt suma Wrong’s cronies ay we?)

Astley Church, then tiffin at the Kings Arms, Areley Common

# 260

Date: Thursday 27th June 2013
Venue: Astley Church, then tiffin at the Kings Arms, Areley Common
Beers: Banks’s, Marstons
Food: chip butties & onion rings (£1!) plus donations to St Mary’s Hospice
Hare: Wrong / Pootle / the owd mon of Quarry Bonk
Virgins: Instant Whip/Brummie Lynda (Malvern Joggers & Malvern Hash)
Visitors: Dr Nick

Trail: The rain must have put ‘em all off tonight as there wor many a-turned up, which was a real shame as it was a bostin’ ‘ash. We did wait around for a while, thinking about just going to the pub but we decided to hash anyway seeing as Wrong had gone to all that trouble… (…laying it 3 times? …really?) We were told to look out for some strange Black Country chalk marks on the rowads and some “timber derivatives” when off the rowads and then we were sent off to “check it aat.“

A fine mixture of lanes, fields, ‘osses (big uns), very slippy muddy paths, then there was the nettles – oh the nettles - then the brambles too – noone escaped either obstacle. We were getting wetter and wetter with the rain-soaked foliage, which was over our heads on some of the stretches (well, mine anyway). 

‘ash ‘alts with no sweets or drinks and barely an ‘alt! Only the sound of Larry Grayson’s call of “shut that door!” - Shag’s developing himself an eclectic repertoire of impersonations. A very slippy, muddy path down through the woods, another ‘alf an ‘ash ‘alt and the chance for Boris to jump in the lake, whilst Hash Quack & Dr Whiplash (the usual suspects) missed it completely! 

The cry of “aww, you aye sin nothin’ yet!” and we were off through Shrawley woods, where the undergrowth got thicker & denser. We almost had a lost incident but it turned out to be a case of mistaken identity. It almost felt like being in the jungle in there it was so steamy, although that could have just been the chemistry between Instant Whip and Herr Flash. 

The rain gave way to a little bit of sunshine, the 3rd HH was a little longer (by about 30 seconds) and the last part of the hash was much less vicious – things really were looking up!

More hilarity as Instant Whip climbed over a stile only for the adjoining gate to be opened by a chivalrous (but smug) Shag. A cheeky crossback over the oss’s field (them big ‘uns again) all to be captured on film by Dr Whiplash as our moments of glory.

And so, after the changing room incident in the back of a rather untidy van, we headed back to the Kings Arms for tay – bostin! Instant Whip even managed to get herself medicated there too.

Still missing our RA, Cross Dresser arranged a live link-up (which took me back to my Bingo days in Cricklewood) and the loud speaker was set for her to take the stage…

Down downs: Wrong for the greatest ‘ash ever (despite no sweets); Instant Whip (Brummie Lynda), tonight’s virgin; me for getting changed - the bare faced cheek of it! And finally to Shag and Leg Over for their “heroic” pet rescue of Boris (who’s probably a better swimmer than them anyway)

Tara-a-bit!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Black Boy, Bewdley – stars & stripes fancy dress

The Talbot Inn, Newnham Bridge

# 259

Date: Thursday 20th June 2013 
Pub: The Talbot Inn, Newnham Bridge
Beers: Hobsons, Shropshire Lass, Stowford Press and Robinsons cider
Food: Sausage & mash / veggie tagliatelle
Hares: Penelope Pitstop & The Pro
Virgins: Phil, Mike, Callum & Sam
Visitors: Stretchy

GM passed on our condolences to Annie & Susie as their dad sadly died last night.

Trail: It was refreshing to see that Penelope Pitstop had arrived early for her own hash and wasn’t screeching into the car park, late and on two wheels, which is the usual start to Thursday nights. 

A great trail of 2 halves this evening: half on and half off road. Did PP lay the on road trail from the Range Rover, whilst sending the Pro to lay the off road bit? Who knows (or cares) but it was a lovely warm evening for a great hash, albeit a little humid.

And so, out of the car park (field), turning right over the bridge and along the A456 before turning off and running along the lanes. No treats to tempt us at the first HH and so we headed off again but the going got so tough at the following crossroads that noone could be bothered to check it out. It was all OK because Penelope Pitstop also forgot the rules and waved us in the right direction anyway – hooray!

A few fields, styles and nettles, plus the sparring of the Amateur and Tweeny, who both had the horn. A little confusion as we almost lost the path, not to mention the flour, but all was not lost as Say No More picked up the trail again through the caravan park.

Hash Quack and Say No More ran straight past the 2nd HH, which was so well hidden a helicopter could have landed on it. Pimms cocktail and homemade cup cakes, in various sizes, finally brought some class to tonight’s hash.
Some lovely off road, with wammels a-plenty, before dipping down through what looked like someone’s back garden, complete with picnic table and swing. Whilst most of us went down to the kissing bridge - there weren’t many takers - Wrong treated us to a repeat of Say No More’s favourite joke – ar, he’s a funny ‘un. 

The 3rd HH came with sweets and the announcement that the Pro would have to lead us back out to the road before we could pick up the trail again (something to do with excessive undergrowth). 2 hashers really got into the swing of things, whilst a 3rd tried to join in with a bribe of sweets.
Tonight’s yin & yang theme (on & off road, Pimms cocktail and Haribo, boys and girls etc) continued back at the pub with Tagliatelle and bangers & mash – they say opposites attract!

Down downs: awarded by Cross Dresser (as Doggy Fashion is still poorly) to the Pro & Penelope Pitstop for their wonderful hash – a great mix of roads and fields plus the Pimms of course; virgins: Phil for being too good looking; Mike for being too sweaty; the Venga boys: Sam for almost leaving his jewels on a stile, and Callum for having a poo at the 2nd HH (I suppose it was his house after all); and then to Bristols for being woken up at 11pm on Tuesday by Say No More wanting a cup of tea plus also for getting lost this evening(?). The final down down was awarded to Say No More herself by Stretch, who was warned not to be too funny and did well not to be put off despite having Shag’s phone in his face with our own RA listening in! There was a lengthy preamble but, to cut a long story short, he was quite taken by her story of the farmer who sheared sheep with his combine harvester?!?! Utter nonsense!

Hot Lips x

Next week – meeting at Astley Church (Tiffin afterwards at the Kings Arms, Areley Common)