The Swan, Blakedown (The Donkey Hash)

#320

Date: Thursday 7th August
Venue: The Swan, Blakedown
Food: a few options off the menu
Beers: yes
Hare: Clodhopper
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail:
I arrived so early that Windy Miller and Thing 2 had time to marvel at how long it took Dr Whiplash to change into his running gear. The Pro and the Amateur were also there nice and early and I'm sure I spied them having an aperitif.

Injured Genital Reminder was in civvies but he had brought Russell Sprout...Who's the Daddy and Tough Love were there, along with New Guy Adam and his dog Charlie, those newish people including Kirstie who I don't think have hash names yet (sorry!), Darth Radar and Cinderella, Lassie, Game Bird, Doggie Fashion, Shag, Mike and Lynda, Dr Jekyll and Shirley...I shouldn't have started this list because I'll feel bad if I've forgotten someone.

Anyway, it was all about the animals tonight and as Clodhopper told us about the hash, the two Charlies and Jasper got to know each other. Actually it was all about the animals and poo, because we spent the evening avoiding both.

Apart from the donkeys at the first hash halt. We didn't want to avoid those. They were really cute.

We eventually tore ourselves away and, blinded by the setting sun, nearly got trampled by some horses with stroppy riders. They weren't happy about us using 'their' bridle way. The horses were nice, though.

Mike, off of Mike and Lynda, was caught short and made no attempt to hide the fact that he was having a wee, despite the presence of hashlings. After another hash halt with beers, soft drinks and sweets, we climbed a hill and were rewarded with a lovely view, complete with a hot air balloon and a paraglider.

We fed some horses at the third hash halt and finished off the sweets. Shag gave his Charlie a bath in a water trough but seemed to wet himself more than Charlie. There were some more horses, one of which was jumping and rearing and scaring Cinderella and me.

Back to the On Inn where Compost joined us for some food and quizzes. Shag and Doggie Fashion had been to the Pacman Hash in London and taken some photos. We had to guess who the people looked like from WFHHH with hilarious results. Most of the answers were luckily not present.

Mike and Lynda did the down downs but luckily they weren't on the scale of the Fancy London ones...Clodhopper received one for his excellent hash, Doggie Fashion was given a roll of toilet paper for her dodgy looking mud stain down her leg, whereas Dr Jekyll was given one for popping home for a shower. Then Mike off of Mike and Lynda poured his over Dr Jekyll's head! Awkward.
I had Happy Birthday sung to me and the most delicious slice of chocolate fudge cake with a raspberry coulis ever. Thanks guys!

Next week: Chez Hash Quack (this is not a pub, Ilse!)

The Swan Hash, Blakedown, Route Details

The Swan Hash, Blakedown - Details

The Swan Inn, Knowlesands, near Bridgnorth

Hash 316 Date: Thursday 17th July Venue: running from a layby from a vague location near Bridgnorth, dining at the Swan Inn, Knowlesands, near Bridgnorth Food: Pork Chops & chips / Thai veggie curry & rice Beers: Hobson's Town Crier, Oxford Gold, Fancy Nordic cider etc. etc. Hare: Well Laid Visitors/virgins: none Trail: The best Well Laid hash ever! It's lucky any of us found the right lay-by on the B455. Most of us thought it was the first lay-by, as it was on the road out of Bridgnorth and near a bridge. The wrong bridge but it there was definitely a bridge so we could all be forgiven for that mistake. Thank goodness for sat navs! And so whilst we waited for the rest of the hash to find the right lay-by, we were treated to the pungent aroma of rotting flesh. Well Laid reckoned it must have been a deer or something as the smell was so bad. Get Down Shep & Copulation found another culprit on the verge of the roadside, a pheasant. Could that really make all that smell? Somebody had turned up on a bike & proceeded to read his book whilst more hashers steadily arrived. A phonecaller from an unknown number was given directions to said lay-by and we waited again for the surprise guests to arrive. Shirley & Vicky, of course! And that means that the roadside reader was Dan! Doh! We finally congregated, a little late but nobody really cared, and Well Laid gave us a demonstration of her trail: sawdust and you're on, except when you see arrows in flour just like this... We were sent off up the road, whilst she decorated the B455 with more arrows for an even later latecomer... Say No More. From the road, turning right into a field and following some crops of beans. The Pro had taken a path of her own only to return looking like she was being filmed for a shampoo ad. The evening sun glowed brightly and the beans slowed us down as we all wanted a nibble. Game Bird wasn't sure they could be eaten raw, Crossdresser argued they could, whilst the rest of us ate them regardless. Doggy Fashion's naivety was exposed as Copulation was talking about doing something else to them at the 1st HH. That's not what 1st base is all about, Copulation! The FRBs were keen to check it out so the pack followed them one way, Copulation took the lone path this time, whilst I hung around, still eating beans. The hare helped me out by drawing another arrow on the ground & we called the pack back. A lovely bit of a forest trail next with barely a path, talk of lost husbands & helpers and lots of brambles & nettles. Underneath the railway bridge and we all emerged into a gently sloping field where we were treated to cooled refreshments once we reached the top. Cleopatra was the latecomer to the party, Well Laid was the hostess with the mostess, Whiplash was skirting around the edges, Hash Quack & Get Down Shep we're hoping for a quick getaway whilst Shirley was reprimanding Crossdresser & Shag for their party tricks. Over the road and into a field where a dodgy stile & a Demon Dog clashed, resulting in a Game Bird flapping her wings. On on to the next picturesque spot: a beautiful old building, a quaint bridge over the babbling brook and the lesser spotted Whiplash perching high on the tree stump on one leg (?!?) Of course, the tranquility was soon broken by the sparring of Shag & Crossdresser as their competing to be alpha male got a little out of hand! Just around the next corner was the best surprise: I just couldn't resist having a bounce; Crossdresser tried (but failed) to catapult me off, although the expired farm animal below ensured we didn't stay too long! The final HH back near civilisation saw Doggy Fashion get excited about the sweets whilst the Pro got excited about certain erections. We rounded Astbury Hall, apparently the home of a certain rock star, for which Wrong had some details that were swiftly misconstrued before he was almost violated on the golf course. I don't think he minded really. The photo at the gate at the other end of the course caused even more hilarity and some posing from Game Bird, Cleopatra & Crossdresser. Game Bird was the only one to adopt the Irish accent, whilst the others adopted some cheesey grins! The final stile and a slightly chaotic dash up the road back to the on-lay-by. A quick change & to the on inn for a rather posh tea for a Thursday. The yin and yang of hashes, with some beautiful scenery interspersed with various rotting creatures, and some very dense undergrowth plus the neatest fairways ever seen - well done Well Laid! Down downs: Crossdresser awarded a down down and the very special Well Laid Best Hash Ever award to Well Laid for her best hash ever as it was the hash that had everything, including a dead sheep under a trampoline! Bushwacker for driving the Boulder Mobile and competing in the Wacky Races; the Pro & the Amateur for being Rock & Gravel the new Slag brothers; Game Bird & Shirley for reprimanding the naughty boys (grumpy indeed) Just one last thing about the big house, was it owned by someone from Deep Purple? Ozzy from Black Sabbath? Or Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath? Only Game Bird could ask who is.... Tony O'Holy??? (Rumour has it, he's in Boyzone & has a Twitter account, hasn't he Crossdresser?) Hot Lips x Next week: Kinver Edge, DY7 6HX NB Postcode approximate, park between the Warden's house & the farm shop Picnic afterwards - food offers to Dr Whiplash

Cleobury Mortimer Sports & Social Club

Hash 316

Date: Thursday 10th July
Venue: Cleobury Mortimer Sports & Social Club
Food: a spectacular spread courtesy of Game Bird's mum
Beers: who knows or cares, the food was amazing
Hare: Game Bird
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Game Bird's GB trials (& tribulations...)

Another great turn out for yet another beautiful summer evening's hash. There were numerous fluorescent orange t-shirts, plenty of blue & green WFH3 t-shirts and an abundance of our four-legged friends too.

Game Bird had set the trail but it became evident she had recruited help from her fellow GB team mate Hash Quack and also from Bubbles who seemed to be on a busman's holiday rather than employing any coaching duties. Once some sort of order had been called and we had been briefed, we were sent off to check it out.

Bristols and Say No More were spotted dashing energetically way out across the first field only to be called back to the pack, whilst Dr Jeckyll appeared to be running the trail backwards.

The local dog walkers were both confused and bemused by the sight of such a rabble, although they all waited patiently for us to pass by.
Shirley and I were content to trot on gently in this heat, whilst the usual FRBs sprinted on ahead.

Bubbles tried (successfully I might add) to put us off the scent of the trail and we duly followed (on more than one occasion!) The Amateur had thought our hash had been sabotaged at one point, only to realise that our legs were being pulled. Hash Quack seemed to be enjoying her unusual rear position, whilst Bubbles couldn't help but create chaos & confusion and he was loving it!

Half of the hash climbed to the top of one rather large hill only to be called back down again. Instant Whip still ran the wrong way up the hill but this was just to be reunited with her lover boy.

The 1st HH promised a dip in the water but most of us found the high & dry path. Shag and Cinderella made a bit of a splash but Annie dog was the only one who took full advantage of the aqua event, whilst the rest of us waited for the contents of the rucksack to be shared. The fruit pastilles were shared out & the chocolate eclairs were distributed by Dr Whiplash in an unusual fashion.

Our elite GB athletes remained in control at the back whilst some prompting was required to keep the rest of the hash moving. The Amateur, Dr Jeckyll & Golden Shower did actually keep moving but the rest of us seemed to have planned a summer evening dawdle!

Clodhopper had his hands on the chocolates at the next hash halt, Wrong was caught watering the plants, whilst Bushwacker was looking forward to his birthday booze...

The final bit of the beautiful countryside was hashed before appearing back out onto the road: Doggy Fashion says she loves it when she know where she is! HH3 and some more chocolates & Tangfastics amongst the floral display before heading back to the on inn. The best hash ever, tonight, followed by the best hash nosh too!

Down downs: awarded by Shag to Game Bird for her wonderful hash; Game Bird's mum for her fantastic food, plus an honourary naming for her: Mrs Kipling; down downs & happy birthdays were sung to Tits or Treats, who doesn't always come to run but certainly comes for a cake (especially that cake!); and also to Bushwacker for his coming of age; Dr Jeckyll for finding the on in far too soon & finally to Well Laid for sitting on the fence.

Hot Lips x

Next week: Lay by on B455, close to Severn Valley Railway bridge, coming out of Bridgnorth WV16 6AU
(Postcode is nearest only)

Prompt start required, then afterwards at the Swan Inn, KnowleSandshttp://www.swaninnbridgnorth.com/

Please let Well Laid know your menu choices ASAP, thanks!

Waggon & Horses, Bewdley

Hash 315

Date: Thursday 3rd July 2014
Pub: Waggon & Horses, Bewdley
Beers: Bathams bitter, Robinsons cider
Food: Chicken/veggie curry, rice, naan, poppadum & birthday cake
Hare: Hotlips
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: DF's 40th summer hashing

(To the tune of Grease's Summer Loving...)

Summer running, out on the hash
Annie's birthday, having a blast
Had a girl, she was forty
Had a hare, she was feisty
Summer days, hashing away
Ooh ah, those summer nights

A-wella wella wella ooh
We're on on, we're on on
Did we run very far?
We're on on, we're on on
With our windmills, not cars

Hash Halt 1, we had some games
Musical laps, you know the names
We had fun, larking around
We had sweets, shared them around
Hashing fun, something's begun
Ooh ah, those summer nights

Hash Halt 2, some Pimms & more fun
With a blindfold, she had to guess "who's bum?"
Out of 5, she got 1 right
She was impressed, one's really tight
Hashing games, someone's to blame
Ooh ah, those hashing nights

Hash Halt 3, this time with balls
The winner is the first one to fall
Check it out, stop hanging around
Keep on on 'til the next one is found
Summer heat, out on our feet
Ooh ah, those summer nights

Hash Halt 4, the line & the sweets
Not really sure that this one's a treat!
I s'pose we were near Devil's Spittleful
DF gets a shocking mouthful!
Summer fun, something's been done
Ooh ah, those summer nights

Hash Halt 5, with sweets & with beers
Dead or Alive? And lots of cheers!
A group photo at the end of the game
Underneath the Safari Park's name
Summer days, hashing away
Ooh ah, those summer nights

Woa woa woa...

Now it's time, that's where it ends
This birthday hash with wonderful friends
Then we made our final flee
To the on inn to have our tea
Summer dreams, ripped at the seams
Oh oh, those summer nights
Let's play more, let's play more

Hot Lips x

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to the birthday girl: Happy 40th DF! The hare, Hot Lips, for listening to Crossdresser's advice resulting in the best hash ever; Shag for his mediocre games; Ilse for not fully participating in tonight's windmill theme despite being our only Dutch girl; Say No More for thinking Ilse lived in a windmill(!); Dr Jeckyll for his entertaining dancing at DF's party (despite the satellite delay); and finally to Genital Reminder for being the typical Sheldon alpha male & having a little horn.

The Talbot, Newnham Bridge

Hash 314

Date: Thursday 26th June 2014
Pub: The Talbot, Newnham Bridge
Beers/ciders: HPA, Hobson's Best
Food: the best sausage & mash with carrots & red cabbage & some rather average veggie pasta
Hare: The Amateur
Visitors:virgins: None

Trail: Amateur's Trail of Tall Triffids

2 car parks was confusing enough for me but once we had parked in the overspill I remembered that the Pro & Penelope Pitstop had laid a trail from here a year ago... Not that that helped at all.

We were a bit thin on the ground again - people had obviously taken heed of the Amateur's Facebook warning (or get out clause) and chosen to stay at home.

Tits or Treats and Bushwacker had started on the ale early, and the Amateur had been half eaten alive & was already looking a little anxious (or was he just missing something?)

Copulation was ready to stand in as GM, the state of his running shorts showed he could be ready for anything! This was too much for poor Clodhopper to cope with.

Game Bird was sporting the brightest orange T-shirt ever, meanwhile Doggy Fashion had arrived in her pyjamas and was hoping that the green fabric covered in pretty flowers would deter the insects... Oh well, here we go.

A little bit of road to get us warmed up first with before cutting across the fields. The cows thankfully stayed away as we ran through their territory & we avoided a stampede. The first of many stiles was encountered and we were straight into the wilderness.

Hash Quack & Annie dog remained the FRBs this evening, despite checking out lots of long falsies (just how does she do that?), whilst the Amateur hung back with the plodders at the back.

The grass was high and we worried that the Pro (who arrived late) might not see us as she ran in the opposite direction. Not even Game Bird's T-shirt could be bright enough in these fields! She must have radioed through or had access to tonight's plan as she caught up quite nicely.

Dr Whiplash was hash flashing, Comes First was feeling sleepy and Tits or Treats was removing clothes. Bushwacker was missing his partner in crime and we were all missing our GM & hash horn.

Some uphill, some downhill, more long grass and one of the worst stiles ever: Lassie got himself hooked, Copulation not only climbed the stile but the tree too, Crossdresser went over and the whole thing collapsed. Demon Dog threw himself at it whilst Golden Shower carried Babooshka over instead.

Then came the triffids - a long, slow incline through these giant crops, where steps had to be carefully taken to avoid being swallowed in the undergrowth. We were lucky to get out alive!

The final obstacle was the double stile: Copulation found it a good viewing point before launching himself off the top, we let Demon Dog through first to prevent any casualties although Bristols managed to get stuck in the middle with little sympathy from Golden Shower.

The hash was one long assault course (thankfully without too many bugs), the 4 halts were well stocked with Haribo, beers and juices, and the food back at the on inn was lovely, although Bushwacker required removal of a foreign body.

Was it the best hash ever or the worst? I'll let you decide... (I loved it!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to the Amateur for possibly the best hash ever - there were triffids, beers & sweets plus someone saw his nuts on the car park. Myself, for my own (carelessly stupid) version of hot pants; Game Bird for her recent feat of endurance... a weekend away with Bubbles! PJ Doggy Fashion - the worst dressed Hasher since Tits or Treats' impression of Mr Tumble; and finally to tonight's youngster, Bushwacker, who is just starting out in his career but is already suffering with work-related stress... Oh bless!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Waggon & Horses, Bewdley, DY12 1DG

Doggy Fashion's 40th birthday - bring a windmill !!

Old Rose and Crown, Stourport

Hash 313

Date: Thursday 19th June 2014
Pub: Old Rose and Crown, Stourport
Beers/ciders: Banks's Bitter, Doon Boggle, Strongbow, Thatchers Gold
Food: off the menu
Hare: Lassie
Visitors:virgins: Mark

Trail: Lassie's midsummer surprises!

Sixteen hashers and a couple of hounds turned out for tonight's 5 mile summer spectacular. Say No More was sporting some new shoes but there were a couple more in new shoes too so she might be spared later...

Bushwacker had passed his test and was eyeing up potential vehicles, Sprout and Buzz Lightyear were eyeing up their escape routes whilst Shag and Darth Radar we're trying to tie themselves in knots. After a few circles, Jasper decided to leave the real run to Demon Dog.

The air was tense with the realisation of the lack of our newly appointed RA and the deputy wished he had his own deputy!

Mrs Lassie was organising the food whilst Who's The Daddy needed a personal organiser - thank goodness for technology! He handed over to Lassie for the lowdown and we swiftly got on with it.

We all went out of the car park and over to the right but we're soon called back to go left and through the beer garden. Another falsie brought the keen FRBs back and through the gate where Dr Whiplash thought I was falling for him but I was just on dodgy ground.

The Pro was concerned about the cow stuck in the tree, Bristols and Say No More were trying to name it, we then had a bit of catching up to do.

Up onto the sandy paths of Hartlebury Common, where our usually knowing hare lost himself for a moment, although Say No More finally picked up the trail again.

Doggy Fashion arrived fashionably late to join us at the first HH and was just in time to witness Genital Reminder's little horn. Meanwhile, hash flash Dr Whiplash was capturing a pretty spectacular picture of the setting sun.

Weaving through the paths of the common, the newbie was relieved to find it was ok to walk the steep bits but found himself being grilled. Out to the main road, where everyone's sense of road safety awareness was heightened since last week's mishap but luckily no casualties this time.

Down through Lincomb caravan park, I was surprised we didn't make it all the way down to Lincomb Lock, instead looping back up the steep path and to the precariously placed HH2. Some of the hash teens had to be called back for their own safety.

Back across the main road and a clever falsie before heading back off-road again. Shag and I were trying to plan Doggy Fashion's birthday bash and realising that over duplication was becoming a problem - she is used to asking for work from a class full I suppose.

The stampeding horses to our left were a little off putting but not so much as the next "surprise" deep muddy puddles! The trail had been so dry until now and we really weren't expecting that. We all emerged with soggy feet and mud-splattered legs, all except one. Bristols had found the dry way round yet no one had listened.

An impromptu HH for regrouping purposes highlighted that Russell Sprout & Bushwacker were missing. Lassie & Genital Reminder went in search of the lost boys whilst the rest of us were sent onward and upward to our awaiting next surprise...

The final HH - the best ever HH - a picnic table, complete with table cloth, with freshly picked strawberries & Pimms cocktail! Mark thought he had gatecrashed someone else's party and was still confused by the flashing.

And so, full of summer refreshments, we descended the trail from the summit back to the on inn for supper (and back to the reality of hearing England lose their second World Cup game - did we expect anything else?)

Down downs: awarded by Shag to Lassie for the best hash ever;
Mrs Lassie for the posh picnic, complete with table cloth; Bushwacker for passing his driving test but still managing to get lost & finally to Shelley for getting out of the trail with clean shoes!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Talbot, Newnham Bridge, WR15 8JF