Ye Olde White Harte, Kinver

#326

Date: Thursday 18th September
Venue: Ye Olde White Harte, Kinver
Food: Off the menu
Beers: yes
Hare: Clodhopper👞
Visitors/virgins: Bubbles' big mate?👤

Trail👣:

We gathered in the car park...dying to meet Bubbles' mysterious mate... but neither turned up. Cleopatra🔺and Legover tried to take obscene photos 🍑 with Shag's phone. A poorly Dr Whiplash came to see us off. Clodhopper told us about the trail he laid without Cinderella while Tits or Treats 🍬did some yoga🙅. Just a normal Thursday night really.

It was flour and you're on and the trail immediately took us up the biggest hill 🌁 the hare 🐇could find. Legover had a wee  to lighten the load. Some of us developed altitude sickness with the lack of oxygen .

We suddenly found ourselves in that field where we had that picnic not so long ago before climbing up another brambly hill to the first hash halt.

Who's the Daddy soon got us moving again and Shag🔧told us about his ideas for fancy dress and games for the hash weekend🍌.

Maybe that was why we were all so hot and sweaty...or maybe it was because it was unseasonably warm🌋. A second hash halt came just in time and the tropical Caprisuns🍍were v. popular.

There were lots of twists and turns ↩↪ in true Clodhopper stylie...we thought we were nearly there but then found ourselves running in the opposite direction to the pub through a field of crazy youths 👬👭 and then some scared horses .

Back at the on inn we found Bubbles and his 'mate', who was actually our very own Crossdresser.
Dr Whiplash and Emma Game Bird and Compost also joined us.

Bushwhacker🎮 got IDed at the bar and Cinderella was disappointed when she wasn't...

Down downs:

Crossdresser only accepted written nominations for down downs. I found it very confusing because people were given them and they all gave them to someone else to drink:

Shag - not sure why? Shortcutting?
Clodhopper - we voted for whether it was the best, worst, or just 'Whiplash mediocre'. It was the best!
Cinderella - for going to uni📚.
Hash Quack and Game Birdfor being GB 🇬🇧 athletes.
Tits or Treats - for her bizarre stretches.
Bubbles - for being Crossdresser's mate and agreeing on the Scotland 🇬🇧 issue.

Say No More🙆 announced the forthcoming Hash Weekend on 17th/18th January 2015👍.

Next week: venue TBC

Ye Olde Holt Castle, Holt Heath, in the Shire of Worcester

Hash 325

Date: Thursday 11th September 2014
Venue: Ye Olde Holt Castle, Holt Heath, in the Shire of Worcester
Beers: Guinness, Ye Olde Speckled Hen, Thatchers Gold cider
Food: meat / veggie chilli & rice
Hares: His majesty, King & Heir Flash and her grace, Queen Instant Whip
Visitors/virgins: yes, plenty (although most left before dinner)

Trail: His Majesty's Medieval Birthday Hash

Come hither ye all, lords, ladies, gentlemen, knights, archers, friars, princesses, peasants and wenches. Ye are gathered here this night for King Flash's birthday hash (although you wouldn't knoweth he was king, he's in one of his many disguises).

Gather round to hear him speaketh, two score and ten were counted (or there abouts). He remained holding the hand of her Highness, Queen Whip, as he toldeth of tonight's trail. The royal abacus worked out numbers for the following banquet, the horn was blown and we set off into the evening sun, in search of the floured trail.

Verily, it is so, that on on was soon called to the left, past ye olde church of St Martin. A few lanes later and we happened upon the first hash halt. The knights refrained from bloody battle but there may have been a scuffle over a Haribo or two...

Into the woodland next, before traversing Ball Mill Quarry, site of archaeological interest. It hath been revealed that this land was likely to have been orchard or hopyard area in the Romano-British period (3rd & 4th Century), with the settlement area lying further to the south. Brian was particularly lively around these parts - maybe he was going to do a little digging of his own.

Down to the river and the next HH, whither Annie dog completed the second leg of her duathlon - they sayeth that dogs are like their owners! More sweets, talk of battle charges & ale-quaffing and the GM sent us on on again. Some headed north, when in fact the trail went south along the River Severn.

Come hither into the cattle field, where those more unfortunate amongst us encountered the dead sheep, although none claimed it as their own, despite the flailing swords. Of course, one knight was caught severing a vegetable from it's plant in a neighbouring field - there's always one!

One of the wenches deciphered the hash view point code and most of us duly went to have a look, whilst the FRBs went in search of the trail instead. A little bit of road before HH3, whither we were rightly treated to the finest of ales and juices, meanwhile, someone had dropped something that would soon weigh his britches down...

Story of a short cut was told but the followers decided to battle through the dark wilderness, through the stingiest of nettles filled with blood-curdling cries and into the clearing for HH4. It was too dark to see anything, except for a lonesome knight sneaking away to findeth a good tree.

The final furlong took us through more woods with nervous horses nearby. Demon Dog needed help over a couple of styles, his owner requested help of a similar nature but later regretted it as it resulted in further problems with his britches.

A truly majestic hash, fit for a king, his queen and their people, and the best on inn in history: the on castle!
Much frivolity, yet more fair maidens, more beer-swilling and ale-quaffing. The court jester serenaded us beauteously with his mighty stringed instrument and there was a guest RA to master the ceremonies...

Down downs were enthusiastically awarded by Gone Commando to the former King's now jester Heir Flash and his fellow jesteress Instant Whip for their magnificent hash (although his wicked game of thrones prevented further hand-holding or canoodling of any sort)
Matt & Sarah, the virgins, were raucously named...
Rawhide, who had been hash flashing all night, was being revered for having the horn
Goody Goody Goo Shoes
Ben the beastly knight
Shag for the trouble with his britches
Dirty Habit
Sheep Shagger for being the best dressed knight
Denis the Menace for being the worst dressed...

Fare thee well one and all

Hot Lips x

Next (this) week: Ye Olde White Hart, Kinver, DY7 6HL

Eagle & Spur, Cookley

Hash 324

Date: Thursday 4th September 2014
Pub: Eagle & Spur, Cookley
Beers: Two Hoots, Brains, Eagle, Symonds cider
Food: chicken/veggie curry, rice & poppadums
Hares: Hot Lips, Dr Jeckyll & Sister Hyde
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: The "I get by with a little help from my friends" hash

About 20 hashers, including 4 hashlings and a couple of hash hounds for another lovely summer's evening. There was a little confusion over numbers as not much food had been pre-ordered but the fact it was a school night helped to resolve this!

Yet another week of no GM or RA caused more panic until Early Riser stepped (was pushed) into the role. It was a bit of a joint effort as the website had to be checked for details but he seemed to cope well under the pressure.

Now, over to tonight's trail. True to form, I enlisted the help of others to help set the trail - well a girl can't be out walking along dark paths, chucking bits of flour around, on her own now can she?

Shirley agreed to come & keep me company but Dr Jeckyll had the brilliant idea of coming along too, him to lay the back half of the trail whilst we laid the first half. This saved a good 2 hours and made interesting commentary at the start. I could see that people were thinking this was going to be the worst hash ever. Anyway, here goes...

Out of 5 possible routes at the start, everyone went the wrong way! Clodhopper and Lassie went one way, the Amateur & Bushwacker went another, In The Bush & Golden Shower went another whilst Shirley & I just waited and laughed. Dr Jeckyll said we really shouldn't be giving away clues so early on in the proceedings but it was almost necessary.

And so, along Lea Lane, past the sports & social club, Early Riser & Lassie were spotted checking out routes without checks, whilst Dr Jeckyll was complaining of a lack of flour. Not so, Clodhopper's puppy had chosen to relieve himself on one of the spots (well, that's our excuse & we're sticking to it).

A little further along and we cut back on ourselves along the canal side. Clodhopper reckoned he knew his way around these paths, his excuse for going off trail was to rescue Lassie. Windy Miller and Thing 2 were running well and glad not to be at the back, whilst Up Front & Just Will were obviously way on ahead.

Shirley and I lost our own trail at one point but this was for the better as we shortcutted to the upper path with the hashlings and removed the possibility of falling in the cut! We also caught up with the rest of the pack who had negotiated the narrow lower path and were now checking out falsies again.

A troll was waiting for us as we crossed the bridge, grabbing the ankles of hashlings and frightening one of the hares. Along the tow path, turning left before the next tunnel and up to HH1 at the steel works' fire assembly point. Sweets were shared, stories were told and Bushwacker just had to be king of the castle.

On on again, back up to the main road, In The Bush and a couple of others checked right but we were heading left down the hill, meaning he was at the back for once! Not for long though.

Over the river, round the bend and another check taking us up Kinver Lane. Shag was a little preoccupied by some coupling exercise, whilst Cinderella was having a bit of trouble with Jasper.

HH2 with some liquid refreshments that were hidden by the Hydes, before sending them to check out the falsie. Some fell for it, then we headed off, away from the road and into the field. This was Dr Jeckyll's part of the trail & he seemed very pleased with himself as more hashers succumbed to yet more falsies.

Down to The Anchor, where the locals, enjoying a few beers on this warm evening, gave us plodders at the back the right directions. A few paths later and we found ourselves at the very picturesque HH3 on a bridge over the River Stour. Windy Miller tried to create an early Halloween scene and everyone else with torches now needed to check their batteries were working.

Dr Jeckyll was chuckling to himself as the hashers followed yet another falsie, oh how they all groaned! He was a little disappointed that they missed the next falsie & actually picked up the right trail. Luckily, he was easily consoled.

Another falsie saw the group very split and the false trailers seemed almost reluctant to come back on track. Maybe this was because Up Front & her family had now managed to secure their places at the rear? Maybe the galloping horses in the field at the side of us were just too distracting.

Nettle alley next & Cinderella was hopping around trying to avoid the impossible by not getting stung. I believe it is around here that Shirley tried to break away from the hash but was spotted and had to return dancing.

Back onto the estate, yet more falsies (never have we seen so many towards the end of a hash!) and finally, the on inn was in sight. The hottest (but very nice) curry we've ever had & the welcome return of a chauffeur-driven Crossdresser, who politely grimaced through each & every hug he got!

Down downs: awarded in person this week by Crossdresser to:
Hot Lips for the best hash ever plus enlisting others to either help out (or bail her out of) laying it
Dr Jeckyll for his part in laying the second half of the trail with some excellent & unexpected falsies
Shirley for helping out too, plus having too many down downs last week, plus trying to nip off without being followed - not a good move when you're one of the hares!
Early Riser for stepping in to make his debut as GM, his virgin run if you like
In The Bush for turning up to a hash on his own, absolutely no other Ward family members to look out for him (most of them with other performance athletes in Canada)
Finally to Slimboy Fat, our very own finely tuned performance athlete who is off to do the Wolf Run on Saturday and has bought new shoes for the occasion - good luck mate!

Hot Lips x

Next week: Holt Castle, Holt Heath, WR6 6NJ

Medieval Fancy Dress, party til 11pm

Hill Farm, Hanley Childe

Date: Thursday 28th August 2014
Venue: Hill Farm, Hanley Childe
Food: Andy's homemade chilli & the Kerby sisters super sarnies & salads
Beers: Foxy Lady & BYO
Entertainment: Shag's mobile disco
Hares: The Pro & Trenchfoot
Visitors/virgins: Dennis the Menace

Trail: The Birthday Bingo & Barn Bash

Another lovely sunny evening for tonight's birthday hash. One lot of food was brought over from Kidderminster, whilst extra provisions were being prepared on the farm "just in case!" as extra guests had been invited for later.

The barn had been busily worked on and was just about ready and the mobile disco was already blasting out some tunes. Reception glasses of Bucks Fizz were handed out and birthday greetings were exchanged as tonight's new venue was admired.

Shag and Dr Whiplash were sporting their Stetsons; Shag had his checked shirt on too. Hopefully, everyone else has theirs for later...

We were little thin on the ground, about 17, with a couple of hounds, no GM or RA but Dr Jeckyll and Dennis the Menace both had the horn, much to Shirley's amusement, and we were all ready & raring to go.

The Pro lived up to her name in GMing & providing tonight's hash instructions, Trenchfoot preferring to stay in the shadows. Then round one of birthday bingo commenced...

Just a few numbers called before our bingo cards & pens were tucked away & we were sent up and out of the farm drive to check out the trail. Tits or Treats went running off down the hill, managed to pick up the trail & off we went.

Demon Dog left a Range Rover owner a pile of his best, poor Shirley almost choked on the fumes, whilst the 2 horny ones were battling for position. A little further on and In The Bush left a shoe in the mud but got little sympathy from anyone, not least Comes First!

An uphill path and gate made Trenchfoot realise he hadn't really got a clue but someone managed to pick up the trail and we headed up towards another cows and bull story. With Shag there, we knew we were safe in that field but who knew that cowboys shop at Lidl?

There was already a lack of motivation for running and we became the Wyre Forest Ramblers; Doggy Fashion was even going through the motions of running but getting nowhere! Luckily, HH1 was just at the end of this field.

More Bucks Fizz, some skittles, the obligatory photos and round 2 of the bingo. Eyes down for the first line... "Line" was soon called and there was the realisation of a lack of prizes. Shaggy kisses all round then!

Across the road and over onto the next field where DF and Shag were in cahoots over tonight's entertainment and I was sent packing.

Tonight's FRBs were mostly the Amateur, Dennis the Menace and Dr Whiplash although I didn't really see any FRB action as I spent the evening dawdling at the back with no hashling for an excuse! There were lots of falsies tho, so this kept us all together, in a fashion.

More sweets (jelly worms), bingo & kisses at the next HH, although the hashling line-winner was spared her prize in the name of common decency! Then, clutching our pens and now also using our torches we were off again.

The calm before the storm for this next bit! Some beautiful, scenic countryside, a few animals along the way too, plus some idyllic houses in a very picturesque spot that left Dr Jeckyll in awe.

A clearing in the woods saw the next HH with more sweets (chocolate minstrel-like thingies) and another game of bingo. The hashlings had now been recruited for the bingo calling and people were getting very excitable! A few lines, a few more kisses but no full house yet.

The Pro warned of our next encounter - the dark & dingey dingley bit, where torches would definitely be required. I should have taken Well Laid up on her earlier offer but thought I would manage with the light on my smart phone - not really that smart but thankfully Shirley's headlight shone brighter than Blackpool illuminations!

Just when we thought we were escaping the darkness, we emerged at the bottom of a field of giant corn & had to negotiate the uphill mudslide along with the stingiest of nettles & brambles to boot too!

Dennis the Menace lost his footing on more than one occasion, I thought I had been stung by something with an inch-long sting but the commotion behind me sounded much worse. Shirley succumbed to the mud although managed to regain composure by the time she actually got to the top.

We all felt like the borrowers as we ran between the giant crops but at least our soles could get some purchase on this ground. Back out onto the road, turn left at the Tally-Ho and the light of the farmhouse was just in sight in the distance.

A gentle jog through the grassy field and we stumbled across the "on inn" just before the gate into the farm - I'll apportion that blame to Trenchfoot who probably doesn't know his way around!

The chef didn't seem at all angry at his other half at being abandoned in an unfamiliar kitchen! On the contrary, he relished the compliments for his culinary skills, all of course helped by a couple of Foxy Ladies!

The Pro & I were serenaded with "Happy birthday to you" and Bushwacker tried to fire up his chainsaw to "cut" the very delicate ribbon in the barn-opening ceremony. Sadly, the chainsaw failed so the ribbon was torn down instead and the barn was declared "open."

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser, via the live link up (Shag's phone & a microphone), to

The Pro and Trenchfoot for their wonderful hash & being the birthday girl (The Pro, that is), 

Hot Lips for being the other birthday girl

Bushwacker for building his very first barn

Shirley somehow got 3 - one for falling, one for her holy trousers and another just to confuse us all (it did)

Dennis the Menace for his visitation

And finally to Comes First for thinking that Crossdresser was actually there! (Wishful thinking on everyone's behalf I think!)

Hot Lips x

Next week: the Eagle & Spur, Cookley, DY10 3TB

PS It would be great to know if you are coming so I can give the landlady an idea for numbers for food, thanks x

PPS Good luck to Rachel & Kim for tomorrow from all of us! Xx

The Swan, Blakedown (The Donkey Hash)

#320

Date: Thursday 7th August
Venue: The Swan, Blakedown
Food: a few options off the menu
Beers: yes
Hare: Clodhopper
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail:
I arrived so early that Windy Miller and Thing 2 had time to marvel at how long it took Dr Whiplash to change into his running gear. The Pro and the Amateur were also there nice and early and I'm sure I spied them having an aperitif.

Injured Genital Reminder was in civvies but he had brought Russell Sprout...Who's the Daddy and Tough Love were there, along with New Guy Adam and his dog Charlie, those newish people including Kirstie who I don't think have hash names yet (sorry!), Darth Radar and Cinderella, Lassie, Game Bird, Doggie Fashion, Shag, Mike and Lynda, Dr Jekyll and Shirley...I shouldn't have started this list because I'll feel bad if I've forgotten someone.

Anyway, it was all about the animals tonight and as Clodhopper told us about the hash, the two Charlies and Jasper got to know each other. Actually it was all about the animals and poo, because we spent the evening avoiding both.

Apart from the donkeys at the first hash halt. We didn't want to avoid those. They were really cute.

We eventually tore ourselves away and, blinded by the setting sun, nearly got trampled by some horses with stroppy riders. They weren't happy about us using 'their' bridle way. The horses were nice, though.

Mike, off of Mike and Lynda, was caught short and made no attempt to hide the fact that he was having a wee, despite the presence of hashlings. After another hash halt with beers, soft drinks and sweets, we climbed a hill and were rewarded with a lovely view, complete with a hot air balloon and a paraglider.

We fed some horses at the third hash halt and finished off the sweets. Shag gave his Charlie a bath in a water trough but seemed to wet himself more than Charlie. There were some more horses, one of which was jumping and rearing and scaring Cinderella and me.

Back to the On Inn where Compost joined us for some food and quizzes. Shag and Doggie Fashion had been to the Pacman Hash in London and taken some photos. We had to guess who the people looked like from WFHHH with hilarious results. Most of the answers were luckily not present.

Mike and Lynda did the down downs but luckily they weren't on the scale of the Fancy London ones...Clodhopper received one for his excellent hash, Doggie Fashion was given a roll of toilet paper for her dodgy looking mud stain down her leg, whereas Dr Jekyll was given one for popping home for a shower. Then Mike off of Mike and Lynda poured his over Dr Jekyll's head! Awkward.
I had Happy Birthday sung to me and the most delicious slice of chocolate fudge cake with a raspberry coulis ever. Thanks guys!

Next week: Chez Hash Quack (this is not a pub, Ilse!)

The Swan Hash, Blakedown, Route Details

The Swan Hash, Blakedown - Details

The Swan Inn, Knowlesands, near Bridgnorth

Hash 316 Date: Thursday 17th July Venue: running from a layby from a vague location near Bridgnorth, dining at the Swan Inn, Knowlesands, near Bridgnorth Food: Pork Chops & chips / Thai veggie curry & rice Beers: Hobson's Town Crier, Oxford Gold, Fancy Nordic cider etc. etc. Hare: Well Laid Visitors/virgins: none Trail: The best Well Laid hash ever! It's lucky any of us found the right lay-by on the B455. Most of us thought it was the first lay-by, as it was on the road out of Bridgnorth and near a bridge. The wrong bridge but it there was definitely a bridge so we could all be forgiven for that mistake. Thank goodness for sat navs! And so whilst we waited for the rest of the hash to find the right lay-by, we were treated to the pungent aroma of rotting flesh. Well Laid reckoned it must have been a deer or something as the smell was so bad. Get Down Shep & Copulation found another culprit on the verge of the roadside, a pheasant. Could that really make all that smell? Somebody had turned up on a bike & proceeded to read his book whilst more hashers steadily arrived. A phonecaller from an unknown number was given directions to said lay-by and we waited again for the surprise guests to arrive. Shirley & Vicky, of course! And that means that the roadside reader was Dan! Doh! We finally congregated, a little late but nobody really cared, and Well Laid gave us a demonstration of her trail: sawdust and you're on, except when you see arrows in flour just like this... We were sent off up the road, whilst she decorated the B455 with more arrows for an even later latecomer... Say No More. From the road, turning right into a field and following some crops of beans. The Pro had taken a path of her own only to return looking like she was being filmed for a shampoo ad. The evening sun glowed brightly and the beans slowed us down as we all wanted a nibble. Game Bird wasn't sure they could be eaten raw, Crossdresser argued they could, whilst the rest of us ate them regardless. Doggy Fashion's naivety was exposed as Copulation was talking about doing something else to them at the 1st HH. That's not what 1st base is all about, Copulation! The FRBs were keen to check it out so the pack followed them one way, Copulation took the lone path this time, whilst I hung around, still eating beans. The hare helped me out by drawing another arrow on the ground & we called the pack back. A lovely bit of a forest trail next with barely a path, talk of lost husbands & helpers and lots of brambles & nettles. Underneath the railway bridge and we all emerged into a gently sloping field where we were treated to cooled refreshments once we reached the top. Cleopatra was the latecomer to the party, Well Laid was the hostess with the mostess, Whiplash was skirting around the edges, Hash Quack & Get Down Shep we're hoping for a quick getaway whilst Shirley was reprimanding Crossdresser & Shag for their party tricks. Over the road and into a field where a dodgy stile & a Demon Dog clashed, resulting in a Game Bird flapping her wings. On on to the next picturesque spot: a beautiful old building, a quaint bridge over the babbling brook and the lesser spotted Whiplash perching high on the tree stump on one leg (?!?) Of course, the tranquility was soon broken by the sparring of Shag & Crossdresser as their competing to be alpha male got a little out of hand! Just around the next corner was the best surprise: I just couldn't resist having a bounce; Crossdresser tried (but failed) to catapult me off, although the expired farm animal below ensured we didn't stay too long! The final HH back near civilisation saw Doggy Fashion get excited about the sweets whilst the Pro got excited about certain erections. We rounded Astbury Hall, apparently the home of a certain rock star, for which Wrong had some details that were swiftly misconstrued before he was almost violated on the golf course. I don't think he minded really. The photo at the gate at the other end of the course caused even more hilarity and some posing from Game Bird, Cleopatra & Crossdresser. Game Bird was the only one to adopt the Irish accent, whilst the others adopted some cheesey grins! The final stile and a slightly chaotic dash up the road back to the on-lay-by. A quick change & to the on inn for a rather posh tea for a Thursday. The yin and yang of hashes, with some beautiful scenery interspersed with various rotting creatures, and some very dense undergrowth plus the neatest fairways ever seen - well done Well Laid! Down downs: Crossdresser awarded a down down and the very special Well Laid Best Hash Ever award to Well Laid for her best hash ever as it was the hash that had everything, including a dead sheep under a trampoline! Bushwacker for driving the Boulder Mobile and competing in the Wacky Races; the Pro & the Amateur for being Rock & Gravel the new Slag brothers; Game Bird & Shirley for reprimanding the naughty boys (grumpy indeed) Just one last thing about the big house, was it owned by someone from Deep Purple? Ozzy from Black Sabbath? Or Tony Iommi from Black Sabbath? Only Game Bird could ask who is.... Tony O'Holy??? (Rumour has it, he's in Boyzone & has a Twitter account, hasn't he Crossdresser?) Hot Lips x Next week: Kinver Edge, DY7 6HX NB Postcode approximate, park between the Warden's house & the farm shop Picnic afterwards - food offers to Dr Whiplash