The Swan, Chaddesley Corbett

#308
Date: Thursday 22nd May 2014
Venue: The Swan, Chaddesley Corbett
Beer: Bathams
Food: sandwiches, pork pies and chips
Hares: Crossdresser and Early Riser
Virgins/visitors: Dan - would we call him a virgin/visitor? He deserves a mention, I think.

Trail:
As the less-than-25-or-so hashers gathered in the car park with dark clouds threatening above, there was much debate as to whether we were going to stay dry...and then Genital Reminder revealed that his shorts were, in fact, already wet. He quickly sorted this out with a tactical tying of his top around his waist, Who's the Daddy restored calm, Dr Whiplash finished his half and we listened to Crossdresser's words about the trail.

Shortly after setting off, Annie the dog staged a dirty protest on a neatly manicured lawn causing much embarrassment to Comes First and In the Bush. The rest of us sniggered while we tried, in vain, to look for flour that had been washed away.

Russell Sprout soon regretted winding up fellow hashers as Copulation responded with rapid initial restraint into a pile of poo.

This was a few days ago now and I can't remember much and my photos aren't really helping me...but I'll never forget the stampeding cattle and Clodhopper's masterful cow herding skills. Amazing.

I remember Crossdresser pointing out patchy checks and Early Riser sending me off in the wrong direction...and the cutest pony in the world...along with some jumpy horses who were tamed by equally amazing Bubbles the horse whisperer.

We had some nice beer, Copulation did an amazing impression of our Iron Men through a traffic cone and there was some competitive planking at a hash halt.

But I don't remember why Crossdresser has written 'Imelda Marcos...Nic' in his notes. Soz.

Down downs:

Awarded by Crossdresser to himself and Early Riser for the best hash ever! Why does it say 'boobs' on the notes? Also to Comes First/in the Bush for Annie's deposit on the lawn, Clodhopper for his epic cow herding, Imelda Marcos Nic and Dan for planking with Wrong. Legover and Bubbles didn't get one for their attention seeking behaviour and neither did James for saying the RA wasn't funny enough.

Sorry, Hot Lips, I don't feel I've given it my all...I promise to try harder next time!

Love,

Cleopatra x

Next week: Kim's house, swimwear fancy dress.

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The Wagon Wheel, Grimley

Hash 308

Date: Thursday 15th May 2014
Pub: The Wagon Wheel, Grimley
Beers: Doom Bar
Food: Lasagne, chips & salad
Hare: Copulation
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Copulation's Challenge Crossdresser!

We're late! Three of us left kidderminster at 18.57 to the tune of "we won't be late, we never leave on time anyway." There were numerous text messages & phonecalls along the way and we arrived at the pub very late under a very tense cloud. There was barely time for Cleopatra to change out of her ballet pumps, let alone have a wee!

We followed instructions rather than flour, taking us out of the car park, turning right then left down the side of a house, across a field and towards the quarry. There was a bridge taking us over the conveyor belt plus warnings of klaxons.

Crossdresser wanted to go right, Cleopatra thought she heard everyone straight ahead whilst I was enjoying the view - I had no idea there was a quarry here! Crossdresser got 

back on the phone and we got back on track, finally catching up after a long incline.

Through Top Barn where we overtook Shag & Tits or Treats, who we're too busy to notice. Up the path & to the 1st HH, complete with sweets - well done!

Shag was confused about who was car sharing with who, Wrong was planking & Dr Jeckyll still wasn't very happy with the horn.

Down the lane, over the main road and into some fields where Bristols and Say No More were way out ahead, Golden Shower was without his 4 legged friend and Shirley was holding off an asthma attack.

There seemed to be a scuffle in a little alleyway with Demon Dog, another dog & Bushwacker but that was solved by following another path.

Down through a paddock and into the woods where the group were split and some serious off roading was required to get back on track.

HH2 was in a picturesque woodland with more sweets, more planking and some spanking from Tits or Treats.

Upwards across more grassy fields where the FRBs were told to wait back. There was more planking, including communal planking, some goading from the yoofs and Shag found one of Crossdressers lost balls.

At the 3rd HH we were treated to beers, juice & sweets. Sprout was led astray by his dad whilst Darth Radar lay low getting under people's feet.

All gassy with beer, Doggy Fashion and the Pro were heard talking about foreign bodies when Cinderella came to the rescue with helpful advice.

I'm not sure if the yoofs had any beer but they did become a little lively and there seemed to be some restraining going on down by the river.

Copulation was cow-whispering from afar (and above) as the herd looked on. Demon Dog was shooed back to his owner in fear and we safely exited that field.

A strange gated path between the lakes saw us take an extended loop away from and back to the on inn for the largest and hottest portion of lasagne ever!

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Copulation for the best hash ever, however missing the first quarter of it meant he'd been a seething ball of anger since 6.55pm. Thankfully, he got over it but awarded Cleopatra for over-promising but under-delivering; Cyclopath for her‪#‎happydays‬; Tits or Treats for her Blue Peter (Rainbow) sense of style and finally to Leg Over, our very own half iron man - not that we'd known - there were T-shirts, medals and only about 14,000 photos on Facebook!

Hot Lips x

Next week: somewhere in Bromsgrove...

(Crossdresser must be having another technical hitch)

The Talbot, Knightwick

Hash 307

Date: Thursday 8th May 2014
Pub: The Talbot, Knightwick
Beers: Saint of Ales, This, That & T'Other
Food: children's size chicken casserole (but we're BIG kids!)
Hare: Shag
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Shag's Once, Twice, Three times he's laid it hash

There was a problem actually getting to the hash this evening, a young fire officer was redirecting traffic away from the road where a lorry that had shed it's load. Looking back, this might just have been yet another of Shag's minions...

And so, we finally made it to the Talbot to find the hare emerging from out of nowhere covered in flour - had someone laid their hands on him? A quick count up for food and we were off as we needed to be back before dark...

Clues were given, telling us the way to go at the start, and it soon became apparent that the trail must have been laid on a Ley line. There was talk of running half of the trail in one direction only to turn round & run right back again!

Doggy Fashion had been employed to lay lady lay, although she didn't have the same floury tinge to her colour. Maybe she was just the driver?

Copulation was confused by a private fishing sign but Bristols' knowledge of the country code led us onwards. Once he got going again, Copulation enthusiastically checked out possible trails (plus performing some cow whispering too), although the rest of us had worked out,with good reason, that we were better off sticking to the roads.

Another field of cattle caused some anxiety, with Lassie trying to get Bushwhacker and Russell Sprout to slow down and Game Bird and myself hanging onto each other and Lassie for dear life - where's Copulation when you need him? (And how did they get the car down here?)

Back out onto the road (phew) and a couple of fish hooks to slow the FRBs down and keep the pack together (some of us use HHs!) Doggy Fashion got caught flouting the rules at the 2nd, Crossdresser could have found some ammo for the down downs here but he fortunately forgot.

A few gates and paths later and we finally found the first HH on a Bailey bridge. Sadly, no Baileys, or any other type of refreshment, but you could get a vehicle over here!

The view was lovely and Shag quizzed us and enlightened us on some facts about Bailey bridges; Bushwhacker being commended for actually listening in class this morning.

On up the track and through another gate into the farm. The Amateur let on that he'd run the same trail on Tuesday so I stuck with him for a while but even he was getting fed up with the fish hooks and by the time the 3rd was found, everyone was petting horses instead of obeying the rules.

On on down the road and the Amateur slyly continued forward at the next check. I pondered for a moment, then the Pro came along and we got chatting and followed him anyway, only to be called back to the "closed" path through the field (typically Shag!)

Cars were forgotten about for a while as we gracefully galloped through the field and down to to river where we then ungracefully scrambled along the slippy river bank. Crossdresser managed to lead some of us astray along the higher assault course path, causing much amusement for the hare as he walked the lower path.

Genital Reminder was a true gent, helping the ladies through the obstacles, whilst Tough Love was content just bashing things with his stick.

Over a stile, across a lusciously wet field and on to HH number 2, an idyllic church setting, perfect for some refreshments. We had been waiting for ages before the hare stumbled across us calling "refreshments this way!"

We all dutifully followed, hoping for something, realising there was nothing but the trail to do. Lassie found some flour up the road but we were called back to take the path across the field, prompting more jeering about the hiring of staff to lay this trail.

Due to the lack of vehicular access for the last part, the group was split, although the smarter ones amongst us followed the road back to the on inn!

Hot Lips x

Down downs were awarded by Crossdresser:

"I'm undecided. Was it the best or the worst hash ever? There's lots to suggest it was the worst. At the start I had a little rhyme to work out if I was on the right route....can you get in a van? Yes you can! No sweets, no drinks, lots of nettles, lots of landslides. But it had some redeeming features.....oh no it didn't! Up you come Shag.

We didn't get a chance last week to thank our old RA, Doggy Fashion. But she came up trumps straightaway for a down down. She looks like Limahl from Kajagoogoo. She looked up deforestation on the internet with her class! And she has been a brilliant RA...

Lassie made several attempts to fall over before he finally did. Hop up Bambi!

Declan must be a very lucky lad. His old man didn't give away the tooth fairy, Father Christmas or The Grinch. And he didn't give away the route tonight either. Well done Secret Squirrel.

There was a lot of rule breaking tonight. Shag made a new rule. First 10 had to run to the back. Loads of offenders. But Beavis and Butthead win for being stroppy teenagers as well."

Next week: The Wagon Wheel, Grimley, WR2 6LU

The Royal Forester AGM Hash

Hash 306

Date: Thursday 1st May 2014
Pub: The Royal Forester
Beers: HPA
Food: chicken drumsticks/veggie curry, rice & salad
Hare: Compost, Hash Quack
Visitors/virgins: Ilse

Trail: Compost's Quacking trail

Another beautiful spring evening for 25 or so hashers and a four legged friend, Annie. Crossdresser was back with a vengeance and was seen getting amongst it on the car park with Shag; Dr Whiplash was almost caught hash flashing whilst the Pro was only slightly impressed with my storm trooper.

Trenchfoot graced us with his presence whilst Compost decided not to and was leaving Hash Quack in charge: 4 miles, 4 hash halts some flour or sawdust, now go & check it out down the hill!

A little bit of on road before taking a right down a path, for the rest of the off roader. I was more intrigued by the courage of the lone newcomer and we exchanged stories.

Through beautiful fields of gold ran Clodhopper and Sprout whilst the rest of us hung around seizing photo opportunities, awaiting the hare to show us the way... (Which she duly did!)

Through the farm & to the first HH, where doggie Annie was incensed by the wind turbine, Whiplash went to great lengths to get his picture and Crossdresser went to great lengths to try & knock him off his perch. 

A speedy downhill into the woods and some very muddy paths, where we also remembered that Hash Quack's forte is not bringing up the rear. 

Some bluebell woods and a couple of stiles later & we also realised that knowing the trail was neither her nor her family's forte either! The HH would be here, if only it wasn't over there. Oh well, perfect chance for more photos!

Compost decided to join us at the next HH, his car boot laden with refreshments. Cue more photos of the original Wyre Forest H3 and this year's AGM where Who's The Daddy was elected GM, Crossdresser was elected RA, Game Bird keeps Hash Cash, Clodhopper remains Hare Raiser and Dr Jeckyll got the horn, with immediate effect.

Hash Quack sent us off into the wilderness again; yet more bluebell woods and muddy paths - lovely! Tough Love was missing his school mistress this evening and had to make do with the nurse maid instead, whilst Cleopatra made a splash to a round of applause and the awaiting reward of sweets.

The final leg through the woods saw Tough Love get shy & Dr Jeckyll find out my secret to a good blog - ssshhh, don't tell!


Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to:

Compost - the greatest hash ever. I love the fact that you retired to your car after sending us off....thankfully with a bootful of beer! 

Your trusty deputy. Rachel. Just the person to have. Knew the route like the back of her hand. Pity it was written on Composts hand! Olivia was about as much use as a chocolate teapot. 

Now, after we do intros and describe the route, there is now a new call after 'Check it out' and that's 'Taxi for Sheldon!' He never does a full hash these days. 

Ilsa. Our first ever Dutch runner. You're annoyingly good as well. Good job we don't vote UKiP, otherwise you'd be taking the job of a British Hasher. 

There is a new GM. A man of great intelligence. So intelligent he wasn't going to step in the puddle by the kissing gate. So stood on the gate, gracefully swung over it....and fell in the puddle!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Talbot, Knightwick, WR6 5PH

The Button Oak

Hash 305

Date: Thursday 24th April
Pub: The Button Oak
Beers: Butty Bach, Doom Bar, Ciders: Stowford Press, Thatcher's Gold
Food: off the menu (all excellent)
Hare: Game Bird
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Game Bird's greatest hash ever!

About 25 hashers gathered for this evening's lovely spring hash. It's still the Easter holidays, so there were lots of hashlings, plus a couple of canines. Lovely to see Say No More and Bristols out tonight too. Tits or Treats has also made a welcome return and needed to either calm her nerves or quench her thirst on the car park before setting off.

Our GM was still AWOL so we volunteered the Amateur for the job again. He did try to protest that he wasn't the deputy GM but when we reminded him who it actually was he agreed to stand in. We armed him with the information required, he got on his blower and called us to order.

Game Bird filled us in with the details: mud, mud & more mud. Maybe some flour, definitely some bluebells but mostly mud. Hash Quack was keen to get moving and went off to check it out up the hill.

And so, down the hill and turning right into the forest, getting amongst the mud right from the start. Sleeping Beauty slipped over very early on, christening her brand new trainers, trousers & her teddy good & proper! Thankfully there were no tears, she got right back up and soldiered on, helped by the HH bribes.

Now, I spent most (all) of the hash at the back so was worried about writing the blog, as I wasn't really in the thick of it, but here goes anyway.

A muddy, brambly trail with a few checks for the FRBs. At the first HH we were treated to chocolate crunchie bites & eclairs and Dr Jeckyll and Sucks It Up regressed back to their youth and were photo-bombing.

Off through the woods again, lots more mud, bracken & brambles. We we still at the back until I was helped up to the top of a great big hill to HH number 2 with a terrific view and some lovely jelly sweets.

Windy Miller was concerned for Cleopatra's safety, Darth Radar was photo bombing this time, Sprout & Bushwacker were flat out on the floor, whilst Bubbles was practising his plié (I only know this because of Dr Whiplash's video).

A clever twist as the trail double backed on itself and we went racing back down the hill - the hashlings loved this bit! (Me too!)

Cutting back through the woods again where Shag, Doggy Fashion, Sucks It Up, Sleeping Beauty ended up at the back yet again, walking and talking. The rest of the pack raced on ahead and the hare was nowhere to be seen. The markings were minimal although the checks were nigh on perfect circles and well-marked by the FRBs (just as well as we didn't hear much calling (or were we just too far behind to hear?)

Shag found his lookout point but still couldn't locate anyone. Luckily the trail was pretty straightforward & we soon caught up at the 3rd HH with a water feature, Duncan making a splash, whilst Bubbles had saved some apple rings for us latecomers with the little legs.

Off up the hill and out into the open, Darth Radar was playfully splashing Windy Miller, Wrong was splashing himself in the muddy puddles, whilst Olivia and Christian (not Henry, as incorrectly stated last week) emerged from some nearby bushes!

A sign told us we were near to Dowles Brook but we didn't go that way. Genital Reminder was on hand to help the littleys, the elderly and the infirm at the climbing wall and yet another ascent up yet another muddy trail. Windy Miller had a lift from a windy Shag and was jet-propelled up the hill to the final HH with peach rings this time - the best yet!

A plan was hatched to get the hashlings out at the front, which worked for all of 2 minutes before all were overtaken. Well Laid is right though, with the HH's, it's fine to walk, you eventually catch up!

Turning right at the next junction and a fabulous downhill (as long as you missed the boggy hoof marks) back to the on inn.

A wonderful hash with wonderful hills, views, sweets and mud plus the added bonus that no one got lost (including the hare)

Massive thanks to the Button Oak!

Down downs: awarded by an amplified Doggy Fashion to Game Bird (& Maisie) for her excellent quality bluebell run; Bubbles her loyal assistant, carrying the sweets and providing some entertainment with his moves; Sleeping Beauty for falling early with her teddy but remaining a brave runner for the rest of the hash; Hash Quack for losing her shoe; Dr Jeckyll for exhibiting his tight, stripey underwear back at the on inn; and finally, namings for our 2 newest recruits: Comes First for Olivia and In The Bush for Christian.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Royal Forrester, Callow Hill, DY14 9XW (AGM too)

We need some more hashes laid too please - have a look at the website & let Clodhopper know when and where, thanks!

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The Swan, Martin Hussingtree

Hash 304

Date: Thursday 17th April 2014
Pub: The Swan, Martin Hussingtree
Beers: Hobgoblin, Cockerhoop, Brakspear Bitter
Food: 2 for £10 off the menu
Hare: Lassie (the Easter bunny)
Visitors/virgins: Olivia & Henry

Trail: Lassie's Easter bunny trail

It was lovely to see a few Hashlings out this evening as Windy Miller, Thing 2 and Batman had joined the 20 hashers and 3 wammals. Some questioned the lack of information on the website about bringing their own Hashlings whilst the astute amongst us knew it was the Easter holidays as the peskies had almost had one week of driving us insane already. Great to see both of the Ward teens were back from Uni too.

A later start this evening as we were waiting for folk to arrive - Cinderella, chauffeuring Clodhopper, screeched into the car park on 2 wheels & precision-parked neatly into a space; Game Bird & Cyclopath careered into the next space, only to go off on their own trail; finally Leg Over appeared just as we were about to leave and reversed into his space with slightly less precision (according to Genital Reminder anyway).

There were yet more misdemeanours noted in the car park as the Amateur was sporting some garish footwear and Dr Whiplash had "styled" his barnet with some hair product or another.

Our regular GM had gone AWOL, so in his new shoes, the Amateur stepped up to the mark, asked a few questions and handed over to Lassie for tonight's rules.

We finally set off, only to come to an abrupt stop as Who's The Daddy crossed the main road. Someone had obviously NOT been listening! Astounded and amused, we let him check it out alone.

The Amateur, Batman & myself headed up a precarious road route only to be called back down towards Dave's Garden Centre. We soon had to slow to a walk for the oncoming horse but Demon Dog tried to spook it anyway.

A mixture of on and off road early on, some clever trail-laying by Lassie causing confusion in the fields but we soon got back on track, Cinderella was asking how not to fail her driving test and we were rewarded with mini eggs and Love Hearts at the 1st HH.

Shag's presbyopia prevented him from reading the messages but with a good throw he can catch one with no hands. Doggy Fashion, believing it all to be in the throw, complained when her sweet hit the ground.

Copulation and Leg Over were messing around with stones but Copulation came off worse and ended up with a big mud (?) stain on his leg.

Down the road to the next check, where Hash Quack was so far ahead that we could barely see her and she could barely hear us calling her back. Luckily, Annie (the dog) brought her back to heel.

Lots of beautiful scenery again this evening, some long grassy fields and over towards Hindlip Police Headquarters, with a stunning sunset to the right and a chatty Torchy Boy and Doggy Fashion in walking mode.
Festive refreshments at the next HH with hot cross buns, more mini eggs, beers & juices before continuing down the lane and a cheeky check back to slow the FRBs down. Clodhopper was amused by Hash Quack's attempt at short cutting whereas Doggy Fashion was totally shocked at her shenanigans!

Windy Miller and Thing 2 we're struggling with the distance a little - or we're they cleverly abusing Leg Over's braun? Shag tried to "help" the alpha males competed but this only resulted in a head injury for poor Cleopatra.

Over the railway bridge to the next HH to hear tales of Bushwacker's work experience, Doggy Fashion's tales of how misshapen eggs are caused, whilst Copulation relieved himself (number 1).

A little bit more on road through the estate, where Batman took a tumble that slowed him down, Hash Quack said it was down to the wrong trousers. Back over the railway line, where luckily there were no more casualties although we'd all been a bit slow tonight and we needed to get back for tea so we bypassed the last HH and headed straight back to the on inn, where Copulation relieved himself again (number 2).

Massive thanks to The Swan

Down downs: awarded by Doggy Fashion to Lassie, the Easter Bunny, for his fabulous railway hash complete with mini eggs and hot cross buns; Copulation was charged with relieving himself in a public place; Dr Whiplash for his Something About Mary do; Batman for his serious knee injury; Leg Over for being the professional child-carrier and finally Shag for ABH.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Button Oak, Button Oak, DY12 3AQ

The Ladybird, Aston Fields, Bromsgrove

#302 The sensible blog. Other blogs are available.

Date: Thursday 3rd April, 2014
Pub: The Ladybird, Aston Fields, Bromsgrove
Beers: Bathams yum yum!
Food: Best Chicken Curry, Rice and Chips EVER!
Hare: Crossdresser (minus Wet Wipe and Triple Denim)
Visitors/Virgins: None. But welcome return of Early Riser, Olivia and Christian

Trail:
I'm feeling insecure about my writing after the recent competitive blogging but I'm hoping there's still a space for my vague ramblings.

We had a nervous hare tonight. Would people turn up to the first British Summer Time hash, what with it being all the way out in Bromsgrove, given the current weather conditions?
As usual, there were 25 or so hashers, who were also nervous. Would we need torches? Masks? Sunglasses?

We set off amidst the chaos of the temporary traffic lights and I'm pretty sure we went left and eventually left again down towards the train line. A long, straight stretch alongside the railway followed until we came to a hash halt. As it was to be the first of 5, Crossdresser allowed us to have one or two Haribos, while watching that Darth Radar didn't scoff them all. Is this the one that Early Riser missed? I'm not sure. I know we went through a smart estate of new-builds and reached a canal before heading over (under?) the railway line towards the Queen's Head. Shag thought it looked like the kind of place you could take a lady. This might be where we lost Early Riser but he was on familiar territory. Which was good because it was starting to go dark as the trail led us through slippery fields with cute lambs (aahhh).

The air was heavy and the more feeble amongst us were starting to suffer with the lack of oxygen. The third (?) hash halt at the Gate Hangs Well was a perfect comfort stop for a half of Doom Bar and a wee. I loved the fact that although Charlie is never under control on the roads, his master had dutifully put his lead on him, heeding the 'Dogs are welcome but must be kept on a lead' sign. As Charlie was wandering around trailing said lead, Shag pointed out that it doesn't say anyone has to be actually holding the lead...

Anyway this is probably where the rain started...just gentle spitting at first, which washed away the Saharan dust quite nicely. It got heavier and heavier and it was clear we were still miles from the On Inn. Copulation was keen to get back for his night shift as Clodhopper searched frantically for flour without a torch.

Somewhere around here we met a herd of stampeding cows and there was the temporary relief of a forest trail which offered some shelter from the rain. The conditions were likened to the Battle of the Somme as it became increasingly muddy.

A final HH by a canal didn't last long as we were keen to get home and dry as we slipped and slid across a field and hit the lanes that would take us back to the Ladybird Inn.

Down downs:
Doggy Fashion kindly gave Crossdresser his own 2/3 pint for almost the best hash ever. Who's the Daddy got one for his stylish apparel while Cyclopath earned one for her American speed walking. Torchy got one but I can't remember why. Soz.
The curry was amazing. You'd have loved it, Copulation. And there was loads. Dangerous turned up for food and Darth Radar and Buzz Lightyear had such fun with the large magnet.
Nearly had Keygate II as it became apparent that my car key was missing the crucial half needed to start the engine. It was fine, though.

Night!
Cleopatra x

Next week: The New Inn, Shrawley