The Sun, Romsley

# 272

Date: Thursday 19th September 2013
Pub: The Sun, Romsley
Beer: Hobgoblin, Black Diamond, Pedigree, Symonds cider
Food: 2 for 1 off the menu
Hare: “Captain Kidd” Clodhopperrrr
Visitors: none
Virgins: none

Trail: Ahoy me hearrrties! It’s international talk like a pirate day. All hope abandon, ye who enter here… 

The 3 buccaneers: Blackbeard, Captain Jack Sparrow & Georgette “Cutlass Rattler” Blamey, plus Long John Skywalker & Lassie “Calico Jack” dressed up for the occasion o’ setting tonight’s hash asail. The rest o’ the landlubbers had missed this verrrry imporrrrtant inforrrrmation an’ looked verrrrry confused to say the least. Let’s see who sails an’ who gets tossed overboard shall we…? 

A perrrrfect trail from Captain “Kidd” Clodhopperrrr this evening, set in wood-based derrrrrivatives an’ mostly off road, as we like it. Lots of checking out, lots of falsies an’ lots of sawdust (for a change). Heading down from the Sun, through Romsley, before cutting off into the countryside for some jolly japes.

Swashbucklers Copulation, Lassie “Calico Jack” an’ the Amateur nearly always out front but Clodhopperrrr had some tricks up his sleeve to slow ‘em down. Groans from the masses as we took the trail into the woods, only to find ourselves looping back out into the fields again – arrrgh!

Lots of talk about sex and exploding corpses from buccaneers Shag and Doggy Fashion, both of whom, it seems, can make a story out o’ just about anything. There was a beautiful low harvest moon, with some perrrrrfect photo oporrrrtunities – luckily not all of them ended up on my phone.

There were 3 Hash Halts, with rationed loot at each one (apart from the smuggled delights at the final HH). Blackbeard tried to get us to walk the plank at any given opportunity, whilst the old sea dog Wrong was happy to jump in the water to disguise the fact he needed to relieve himself. He got so desperate he was finally discovered in an uncompromising position.

The final leg saw about half a dozen FRBs going the wrong way. Were they called back? Oh no, let them run. Ha harrrr! Men over board! Arrrr! The uphill back to the on inn saw swashbuckling hashling Long John Skywalker rob Captain Jack Sparrow o’ his prize o’ getting back to the battle cruiser first – get in therrrrrrre me lad!

Grog grog: given by DF to Clodhopper for being the best hare everrrr; Wrong for tuning into his pirate radio station; Hot Lips for being the best dressed pirate who made no secret of smuggling her gems; Game Bird for the aftermath of last week’s hash by Bubbles and finally to Cinderella for losing one of her garrrments.

Hot Lips x

p.s. find your own pirate name: www.pirate.namegeneratorfun.com/fun

The Sun at Romsley Hash by Lassie  Details

Next week: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath, WR15 8QS

Met at Kinver Edge Farm Shop, after at the Constitution Club, Kinver

 #271

Date: Thursday 12th September
Venue: meet at Kinver Edge Farm Shop, after at the Constitution Club, Kinver
Food: off the menu
Beers: The biggest collection I’ve ever seen: Holy Cow, Bonkers Conkers, Golden Glow, Hobson’s Best, Town Crier, Enville Ginger, Hereford Pale, Cleric’s Cure, Holden’s Special, Black Pear, Enville Ale. Ciders: Stowford Press, Westons Wyld Wood
Hares: Game Bird & Bubbles, although Bubbles copped out of actually running the route 
Visitors: Shirley & the Duracell Bunny
Virgins: none

Trail: Loads of hashers (about 30) this drizzly evening, only a couple of hashlings and one wammal (Maisie, who only made a guest appearance at the start) and plenty of shorts and knee-length socks – well done everyone! And so the joker briefed us: “it’s laid in wood-based derivatives on the left side of the path… until you see them on the right side of the path… then there’s lots of down… then there’s lots of up…” Oh please, let’s just get on with it shall we?

Off we set, some up the lane, others down the lane, some of us got it right and everyone else followed until we reached the first check… Which way should we go? No one knows, maybe the hare will know? Oh, no, she doesn’t? Oh well, let’s just make it up then shall we? The usual suspects were out at the front, checking out the possibilities, Hash Quack going one way, the Amateur going the other, the rest of us already chancing an opportunity to head straight back to the pub.

Oh yes, it’s this way, she remembered, so off we went, still none the wiser as no “wood based derivatives” had been seen yet anyway. The next check caused just as much confusion and we spent 10 minutes running up and down various routes – yes, this is it, no, there’s nothing, yes this is it, no, there’s a cross, actually this is it! The hare was out at the front, desperately trying to remember her way around, yet it seemed that her co-hare had set her up to fail and was probably sitting in a warm cosy pub somewhere laughing to himself.

The HHs were stumbled upon in no particular order. Occasional hashers claimed to have found the trail, however, we still looked like a disorganised search party. Poor Game Bird spent as much time checking out the route as we did and was noticeably delighted when she found her own trail, flailing her arms around in the air and whooping along!

And so, despite the rain & the total chaos, we somehow made it back to the cars for just after 8. Was it Quantum physics? Quantum mechanics? Or was it just that we Quant be bothered anymore? Your guess is as good as mine…

Meanwhile back at the Constitution Club, Bubbles was hardly recognizable as he sat at the bar, looking like a cross between some 60s glam rock star and Paul Weller, buying everybody drinks!

Down downs: Game Bird and Bubbles for the worst hash ever, a lack of drinks and Bubbles being the birthday boy in a wig; Shirley (Dr Jeckyll’s wife); the Duracell Bunny for his new shoes, Cleopatra – comin’ at ya; and a naming for Sue: Hairy Bush.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Sun, Romsley, B62 0LA

Ye Olde Seven Stars, Kidderminster

# 270

Date: Thursday 5th September 2013

Pub: Ye Olde Seven Stars, Kidderminster

Food: homemade meat / veggie chilli & baked potatoes

Beers: Abbot Ale, Great White Geek (especially for 2 of the hares), Old Speckled Hen, Silver King, Sneck Lifter. Ciders: Thatchers Gold, Stowford Press, Strongbow

Hares: The 3 Musketeers

Visitors: Mike (Compost’s mate)

Virgins: none

Trail: It started out as total and utter chaos, with 17 hashers and half a dozen hashlings, all very excitable and distracted right from the start. The GM found it difficult to lay down any sort of law and order and swiftly sent them off to check it out, which they did, all of them in the wrong direction! This gave the 3 musketeers another chance for yet another dodgy selfie as they stood for what seemed like an age, waiting for the hashers to return.

And so, finally on the right track, the flock headed up Blackwell Street and towards the Horsefair. Not much checking out at the start and they mostly moved as a collective this evening, much to their detriment as they would later find out. Lassie being one of the few to branch out on his own, only to find himself high and dry on the ring road. The 3 musketeers sauntered behind.

Through St George’s park, Shag looking very pleased with himself for noticing the landmark miniature stone circle. Cutting up towards St George’s church, where the flock went off in search of imaginary flour, led by young Lost Skywalker. Another chance for the 3 musketeers to have a little chat before calling them back, although the RA was not amused by the use of hand signals.

Trenchfoot, Copulation & Hash Quack ventured out on their own for a while as there were more checks than you could shake a stick at (much to the disgust of 2 of the musketeers). A few more of the flock went running off a little too far and had to be reigned in, before they all found their way into Baxter Gardens.

Copulation headed off for a game of tennis and had to be called back across the park and up to Hurcott Road. The 3 musketeers waited patiently whilst Lost Skywalker led the flock in the wrong direction yet again (there’s a clue in his name!) Trenchfoot, Shag and Doggy Fashion had the upper hand for a while as they had realised the aim of the game – to follow the spots of flour, not the youngest hashling who claimed he knew where he was going.

And so, back down into the Horsefair, where we were hoping to meet Legover, who was arriving fashionably late. Whiplash was left hanging around on the street corner whilst the rest of us descended down towards Waterside Grange. The flock was herded over to the climbing frame for the first HH and all were rewarded with sweet treats regardless. Another wonderful photo opportunity for Cross Dresser, before checking out the next part of the route.

Legover, the latecomer, was found to be encouraging walking amongst the hashers and was swiftly reprimanded. Most of the flock actually took the correct route for once, looping around the houses and down onto the canal, with Lost Skywalker the FRB, whilst Shag and Doggy Fashion shortcutted to meet them (the 3 musketeers obviously took that route for more photo shooting of course).

Game Bird became more like Mary Poppins or Nanny McPhee, attending to and encouraging the hashlings along this straight stretch of tow-path. All were treated to a “Hash View” of the winged sculptures across the water but this was the calm before the storm: a very sneaky check back took the hashers half a mile upstream before having to return to the lock to pick up the right trail. I think it was lucky that none of the musketeers were pushed into the canal at this point!

More aimless following of non-trails, no-one really paying any attention to where the hares were heading, despite calls of “are you?” until Trenchfoot finally stumbled over some flour. The hashlings had again talked Shag into piggy-back rides. The RA, not to be outdone, got herself her own ride down the field too although her tight-gripping thighs were almost too much to bear. Plays with IT and Russell Sprout lit up the undergrowth with their premature beams and Copulation was spotted by one of his own – evening all.

A mad dash across the open field, a swing on the high bars for Copulation and an unexpected dip in the stream for Hot Lips was followed by beers and more sweets. The RA apparently needed cooling down after her ride and was treated to a dip too. The waterproof phone cover really does what it says – excellent!

Cleopatra was pointed in the right direction as the trail double-backed over itself but still managed to not quite get it right. The rest of the hash had to be called back yet again, as these twists and turns left them exasperated and untrusting. Up towards Sion Hill, then cutting back down through Springfield Park and along the path out to Broadwaters.

The hashlings were now trying to talk Legover into piggy-back rides up the hill but they met with some resistance. They regained their energy at the final HH as they found the trampoline whilst Pimms cocktail was served to the adults. Hot Lips changed out of her wet t-shirt and Doggy Fashion nicked Trenchfoot’s newly acquired top.

More chaos and hand signals to help the hashers wind through the alleyways onto the Birmingham Road and the long straight to the on inn. Lost Skywalker kept the pace way out front with Hash Quack, whilst Game Bird’s childminding skills had by now gone a bit awry and she was losing hashlings all over the place. Despite the chaos, everyone returned safely to enjoy a lovely feast.

Down downs: the longest list ever awarded by Doggy Fashion to the 3 musketeers: Cross Dresser, Dr Whiplash and Hot Lips for their chaotic hash with the worst falsies ever but some great sweets (plus Hot Lips’s spectacular slip into the stream); Lost Skywalker for his ability to led everyone astray at any given opportunity; Legover the disruptive latecomer; Game Bird for her childminding; Shag for his piggy backs; Trenchfoot for his welcome return (also for letting DF wear his brand new hash t-shirt); Plays with IT and Russell Sprout for glowing in the dusk and finally to Charlie’s Angels: Sabrina (Mia), Selina (Charlie) and Tilly (Amelie).

Hot Lips x

Next week: Kinver Edge Farm Shop, Church Hill (afterwards at the Constitutional Club, Kinver – Bubbles’s birthday hash)

The Olde Seven Stars Hash by Lassie Garmin Connect - Details

The Honey Bee, Doverdale or the Stingers, Brambles and Wasps Hash

# 269

Date: Thursday 29th August 2013 

Pub: The Honey Bee, Doverdale

Beers: Abbott, Ale, London Pride, Doom Bar,

 Magners Gold & Strongbow ciders

Food: off the menu

Hare: Legover

Visitors: none

Virgins: none

Trail: This has been hailed as Legover’s brutal assault course. It was yet another lovely summer’s evening but we had been warned - no shorts! Of course, this resulted in Game Bird and Lassie ridiculing those of us that had actually listened. In any case, wasps don’t worry what you’re wearing do they?

And so, 20 hashers, 6 hashlings and one Demon Dog set out down the lane. It was a welcome return for Cleopatra and Early Riser, although Early Riser was found to be very complaining towards the end of the hash and will more than likely endeavour to be a late or non-riser in future. Game Bird found herself a big stick and set off with the girly hashlings like the pied piper, all of them gaily prancing around.

Back to Legover’s assault course; I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve such punishment? Very early on, the rule of “3 and you’re on” was flouted by the

hare as we got a check back down nettle alley. Cross Dresser and Cyclopath stood at the top of the hill watching the hashlings emerge from the painful undergrowth.

Some more confused markings at the next field caused some more groaning at both the nettle stings and the trail itself. Copulation and the Amateur took the lead, Game Bird stayed with the hashlings, Doggy Fashion and myself gave up and sauntered along for a while, lusting over young rock stars, whilst Legover carelessly grinned to himself at the back.

Clodhopper was the first to disturb the wasps, Unlaced squealed and did a little dance before darting off out of sight. I got stung behind my knee before realising what was going on and swiftly followed Unlaced. Doggy Fashion got stung on her lip and Shag got stung on his back. Doggy Fashion had never been seen to move so fast and was still hollering “run for your lives!” half a mile away. More were stung but we were miles away by then.

There were only 2 HHs, no drinks (because he couldn’t be bothered to carry them) but a fine selection of sweets. Some were so traumatised by the hash stinglings that extra halts were taken. Some had even provided their own refreshments! Legover kindly shared his child-friendly insect bite cream with almost everyone at the final HH, whilst Dr Whiplash and the Pro shared out the blackberries they’d picked.

Dananananananananananananananana Batman was chuckling to himself after hearing Bushwhacker’s comment of “my dad’s awesome, he’s got a gun and shoots people!” Sprout tried to curb Bushwhacker’s language, aware that there were many younger hashlings around. The hashling girls had somehow conned Shag into giving them all piggy backs, whilst Copulation produced a whip, just right for the occasion!

The sun was setting beautifully over the lake; the fisherman’s tranquil evening being rudely broken by our presence. The combine harvester was another hash surprise but at least it was easier to leap across the corn furrows than the sinking soil furrows! A shady woodland before yet another dash down nettle alley – just in case anyone had failed to get stung already. 

Down downs: Legover was spanked rather than thanked for his brutal hash, Doggy Fashion whipping him for each of his misdemeanours – the check backs, the combine harvester, for hiding the flour under leaves, the lack of drinks, the brambles, the nettles and the wasps nest… he was given extra spankings for the brambles, nettles and wasps nests. Lost Skywalker for his shivalrous behaviour in beating back the brambles and nettles with a large light sabre; Game Bird for also using branches as machetes; Copulation for his conspicuous whip “finding” ; Andy for just being Andy; and finally to Shag for being the birthday boy.

Happy birthday was sung to Shag, the Pro and myself before launching into Shag’s birthday games: Golden Graeme and Who’s this? Judging from the hash flashes, there were more birthday shenanigans involving hashling pyramids and flour showers – I notice Legover remained un-floured…

Hot Lips x

Next week: Ye Olde Seven Stars, Kidderminster (please note change of venue)

Stingers, Brambles and Wasps Hash by Garmin Connect - Details

The Harbour, Arley

# 267

Date: Thursday 15th August 2013
Pub: The Harbour, Arley
Beer: Wye Valley, Robinsons cider, “special” lime & soda (well, it ought to be special at £2.50 a pint!!!!)
Food: off the menu 
Hare: Wrong
Virgins: Liz & Andy (Big Bang)
Visitors: none

Trail: I dow think the buz would get dowun this big ‘ill, dun yow?

A bostin’ trail this evening, no wammals neither so no worries of upsetting the angry farmer. A spin off group (the diplomatic crew) went for a walk around Eymore woods whilst the rest of us followed combinations of timber and wheat based derivatives. Extra marks were laid along the way, which obviously helped Legover for his late arrival.

Starting out running down to the river, following the path across the field and up to the farm to the first HH, where we were treated to swarms of flying ants causing us all to move on across the railway track. Most of us got caught out with the next part of the trail, having moved the HH, so we all headed back down to the farm and up the field past the ‘osses. 

Over a stile and up through the caravan park, with our very own well-wishers cheering us along. Noticing that Shag had not caught up, the Pro & I ran with Ollie and I said I’d keep an eye out for him, encouraging him to keep up the pace. Up the lane to the 2nd HH, with some lovely sour jelly sweets & a couple of spectators. Wrong reminded us yet again NOT to go through a cross – something tells me the angry farmer is close by.

Down the lane this time, cutting off through some more fields. Bushwacker & Russell Sprout were jumping fences & stiles and I thought I could do it too… right up until I had started my leap… when my confidence faltered at the worst possible moment… Needless to say, I just about made it over the stile but landed in a heap on the floor on the other side. Young Ollie was now looking after me!

Battered and bruised I made it to the 3rd HH, where the lovers were arm in arm (again). We were treated to sweets and drinks at this one! Back along the lane, down towards the river again, cutting off through a field where Clodhopper became “wheat at the knees.” The young ‘uns soon slowed down after their earlier energetic escapades and caused a bit of a jam but were soon to be overtaken. Legover appeared out of nowhere and sprinted to the on inn whilst the rest of us enjoyed the quick descent through the grassy fields.

Down downs: Wrong for his bostin’ ‘ash plus sweets and drinks; Hot Lips for “waking up the ****ing RA last week plus her attempt at being wonderwoman this evening (it really wasn’t wonderful at all); Compost for copping out with his “bad nad” groin strain; our virgins: Andy (big Bang) and Liz; and finally to the Amateur for his extra nipple.

Hot Lips x

Next week: Brookfield House, Wolverley (Cinderella’s birthday BBQ afterwards)

Fruiterers Arms Hash

I wonder when the next boat leaves here?

# 266 (it might as well have been hash 666 for me)

Date: Thursday 8th August 2013
Pub: The Fruiterer’s Arms, Uphampton
Beer: King’s Shilling, Arrowhead, Fruiterer’s Mild 
Food: Cheese & ham sarnies & chips
Hare: Hot Lips
Virgins: Ollie
Visitors: none

Trail: I’ve named this the “It’ll be alright on the night” hash!

I had an unusual sense of impending doom regarding this hash for some strange reason or another: I’d not run for 3 weeks, booked to do this on a day when I was working (confused off duty, never good), only managed to do half a recce of the trail on Sunday when rain stopped play and I got flashbacks from that tragic rain swept night last October, I pulled myself together again and hooked up with Father Christmas to lay the trail on Wednesday and we got a little lost in places, I almost forgot the hash halts but was, finally, pretty pleased with it as I’d used 5 bags of flour! (fingers crossed for no rain)

Then on the day, I left work late and there was no GM again… Can anything else go wrong? Wrong stepped in to GM but forgot my hash name – shall I just go home now? Wrong nearly did!

Oh well, here goes… 

A mixture of on and off road on this sunny evening for the 22 hashers, 1 hashling and a few canines. Due to my lack of recent exercise, I was very glad to be at the back chatting with Instant Whip and Tits or Treats, whilst trying to remember to mark the on inn. Clodhopper arrived fashionably late and was rewarded with relieving me of my rucksack. Despite this, I still almost had an asthma attack at the top of the hill (and I’m not even asthmatic!)

Cutting down through Hillhampton Woods and a clever falsie sent the pack off in the wrong direction, resulting in me catching up quite nicely. The pack retreated to the correct path but the Amateur, Hash Quack and Legover decided not to follow the crowds they had misled and shortcutted back to join us. The garden path wasn’t a problem and the 1st HH was very welcome as the sweets gave us some much-needed energy.

From this point, I managed to pick up my pace a bit – I suppose it is a bit easier on the downhill to the river! Clodhopper was dishing out the sweets at the 2nd HH, whilst Lassie was already mentally checking out the route; sheep hadn’t been spoken of at the start so it can’t be that way… Can it…?

Legover was quick to pick up the trail, whilst the lovers’ dog, Brian, who I’d been told was named after the drinking, womanizing dog in Family Guy, was now adding sheep-worrying to his repertoire as he’d found his own prize to check out and no one was going to stop him. He finally halted just as it looked as though the sheep were about to be herded into the river. 

Meanwhile, Doggy Fashion took advantage of finding Shag in a compromising position and upended him into the nettles - revenge for announcing her latest acquisition.

On on along the river Severn, a straight path making up part of the Severn Way, which Unlaced walked in it’s entirety last year – a very impressive feat. The 3rd HH at the picturesque Holt Fleet lock required to slow the FRBs down a bit. Then the only way is up…

Under Holt Fleet bridge, left past the Wharf, up and over the road and into Bennett’s Farm where one of my mistakes resulted in the farmer politely telling me the path did not go past his front door (well, it’s easy when you actually know it goes through the vast field of rhubarb!) The Pro tried to sort the wheat from the chaff by talking business to him, although he was a little cautious to say the least.

Back up the lanes, heading back towards Borley, cutting through some fields, a bit of an assault course through the paddock and woods, then the neatly manicured garden, where my trail had been re-laid by the owner apparently not wanting our sort on his lawn!

Back to the on inn for some beautifully fresh sarnies and chips. Phew, I’m glad that’s over and it went well! (I’m not sure what happened to the 4th HH tho…!!)

Down downs: Hot Lips for a brilliant hash, a missing HH and some new favourite sweets – rhubarb & custard jellies; Ollie – our hashling virgin; The Amateur, Hash Quack and Legover for shortcutting (although Hash Quack had already shortcutted home by the time we got round to down downs!) Instant Whip for her badly behaved Brian; and finally, to Shag for his lack of trustworthiness, resulting in him being pushed over into the nettles and also for trying to bungee jump Brian over the stiles (thank goodness for his new harness!)

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Harbour, Arley

Fruiterers Arms Hash route

The Blount Arms by Garmin Connect -

The Blount Arms Hash  route - Details