The Live and Let Live, Neen Sollars

Hash 352

Date: Thursday 26th March 2015
Pub: The Live and Let Live, Neen Sollars
Beers: Three Tuns, Hobson's Best
Food: the best baps ever, chips and some puddings for the select few
Hares: Bristols & Golden Shower
Visitors/virgins: Guy and Imogen

Trail: Bristols' Beautiful Blue Moonlight Trail

The countryside looked stunningly beautiful as us paupers made our way from Kidderminium to Neen Sollars. There was a dusky blue glow shining over the trees and hills. We joined the 14 other hashers and 4 hash hounds. The GM had gone AWOL so the RA took the reins...

Bristols had used Waitrose's best gluten free flour, to prevent any tickles darling, it was 4.6 miles, 4 hash halts and off you jolly well go!

Down the road, over the first of many stiles and straight off into the countryside. A steep ascent and the first HH cleverly placed at the top but no sweets yet... Bristols was laying the law down here - "you've not even done a mile yet!" Crossdresser was warming his hands and found his own (& Shag's) sweets. Is this the origin of down downs?

The Amateur had been given the horn and kept shooting off in all directions (not all of them right). Crossdresser became envious that Clodhopper was wearing too many clothes whilst Annie dog kept getting her vest in a twist and the cattle grids confused Demon Dog...

The newbies were doing well, Guy already FRBing and trying to keep up with Comes First, whereas Imogen was simply enjoying the woodland.

Misty Vision's crystal ball was out of action tonight, she wasn't getting any premonitions but she knew she was going to have a good time.

A few more boggy, muddy fields before heading back onto the road & down to the last HH with panache, beers & Capri suns - very swanky!

There was talk of a shortcut back to the on inn and a few started to head that way but we talked them out of it only to climb yet another stile. We descended into thick mud and a dodgy conversation before Golden Shower brought us back on track.

The night had finally fallen as we made our way back to the on inn to be greeted with the best baps and chunky chips - salt & vinegar anyone?

Hot Lips x

Down downs were awarded by Crossdresser:

Great hash tonight. Everything you could want in a hash, mud, sweets, Panache and Shag's nuts

Bristols and Golden Shower - the poshest couple we know, well, Bristols at least.

Virgins. Guy and Imogen.

Comes First for Facebooking on the hash.

Gate climber. Hot lips.

Next week: The Mitre Oak, Crossway Green, DY13 9SG
"Spring has sprung" fancy dress

The Alma Tavern, Worcester

Hash #349

Date: Thursday 5th March 2015
Pub: The Alma Tavern, Worcester
Beers: Doom Bar, Adnams, Banks's Mild, John Smiths
Food: lasagne, chips, curry, rice & salad
Hare: Leg Over
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Leg Over's Where's Leg Over hash?

A good 20 or so plus a couple of hashlings and a couple of hash hounds turned out for this evening's hash. We missed a fancy dress opportunity with it being World Book Day but maybe that wasn't such a bad thing! 

The hare was out laying it live and had left it to Who's the Daddy to take charge of us as he (apparently) knew the route... He read out tonight's instructions, collected the dinner orders and sent us on our way.

The Amateur had spotted something on the way in but no one was really paying attention. He checked it out & called us on on anyway and of course, we followed. 

Lots of Tarmac this evening, weaving through the streets of worcester, a sprawling park run and back onto the streets again. We threw in an extra, preliminary hash halt as we'd momentarily lost the trail and the Pimp was eager to lighten his load.

Hunting back and forth down some back streets as Shag and Doggy Fashion discussed macs, Clodhopper had noticed the dichotomy between the short sleeved hashers and the overly dressed ones. I had misjudged the temperature but Kinky Boots was relieved to lend me one of her layers. 

Dr Whiplash found Frosty's car, the largest white mark of the evening, then Who's the Daddy found the black pears! Leg Over and Cleopatra were waiting patiently at the HH near the courts and the rest of us finally found them. The longest hash halt in history meant that far too many sweets were eaten, the Ruane boys had time to meet up for a chat and Who's the Daddy was still AWOL.

Leg Over was disappointed with the lack of sweets at the next HH (not realising we'd had extra halts) but we couldn't stop too long as we needed to get back soon for tea.

All in all, a lovely unmuddy hash, slightly chaotic, and our lost boy was found back at the on inn on his second pint!

Down downs were awarded by Crossdresser to:

Legover for his hash that scattered us all over Worcester and only turning up for the 2nd half of it 
Who's the daddy for getting lost - was this a tactical game?
The Pimp for also getting lost & "losing" the sweets
Doggy Fashion for rehousing otters
Lost Skywalker for volunteering to be a modern day chimney sweep
Clodhopper for lending his hash his huskey to Lost Skywalker to help pull his weary legs around - Jasper took off and nearly pulled the hashling off his feet!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Bridge, Stanford Bridge, WR6 6RU

The Ancient Sher E Punjab, Combertonium Hill, the main Roman road out of Kidderminium (near the historic steam railway)

Hash 341 (CCCXLI)

Date: Thursday 8th January 2015 AD (VIII/I/MMXV)
Venue: The Ancient Sher E Punjab, Combertonium Hill, the main Roman road out of Kidderminium (near the historic steam railway)
Beers: Cobra
Food: poppadoms & chosen main course
Live hare: Crossus Dresserus
Visitors/virgins: Cinderella & Michelle

Trail: Crossdresser's magical mystery & history tour of the Roman settlement of Kidderminium

Salve!

What an exciting occasion this is! The message was out, we were all to meet outside the ancient ruin of Tesco on Combertonium Hill for Game Birda to enlighten us with tonight's hash rules. A bona fide live hare - hashus mirabilis!

About 20 gathered round, exchanging Annum Faustum wishes, chattering about holidays and plans for this coming annum. Some had spied some new footwear but instead the glory was taken with Dr Jeckyll's new found facts that bees are attracted to purple and yellow flowers and that moths are attracted to white or heavily scented flowers - amazing!

Who's the Daddius finally introduced Game Birda, the rules were explained, food orders were taken and we were sent off in search of the trail - felicitas!

Starting off through the cherry orchard, the little known Kidderminium garden of fruits, leading up to the colossal architecture of Offmore road, another Roman road through the settlement. A little confusion around these parts but the sight of public buildings beckoned and we found our way along Lorne Street, Villiers Street and heading towards Combertonium Road, where it is told that the more majestic of the buildings are equipped with under-floor heating systems known as hypocausts.

Ascending Hill Grove Crescent where the monumental architecture could be observed and the chatterings of many excitable hashers could be heard.

Towards the footbridge over the modern railway, near the Victorian steam railway and to the first HH where we were most surprised to be lavished with juicy sweets. A quick pit stop before heading upwards towards the games stadium where hordes of spectators still gather most weekends.

Down to another Roman road where chariots pass, finding the love chair and a chance for a photo opportunity. Down again to the mosaic-tiled walls of the underpass, with its brightly coloured murals and frescos. Here we met up with the hare who couldn't wait to run his course again!

Through the lower town of Kidderminium, past the museum of carpet, running now with a backdrop of Victorian buildings. The abundance of underwater pools helped make the township famous for its carpet industry during the 19th and 20th centuries.

To the 2nd HH at the historic Watermill, up through Brintons park and gardens where Kidderminium's finest yoots were on hand to guide us along the right path back out again, along a road of more very grand buildings and towards where the Roman public baths once welcomed the people of Kidderminium.

Another hurried hash halt (Who's the Daddius was wanting his tea), past the old Victorian hospital, back towards the town and the grand church of St Mary's, past the beautiful buildings in church street to the modern part of town where the modern health service crisis was under Great Clodhoppus' review.

Past the Glades Colosseum in all its glory, down to Ye Olde Boar's Head Taphouse, picking up the trail for the on inn, taking us back through the mosaic-walled underpass and to the end of the 6 mile run on terra firma.

Emma's achievement of being one of the first back, just behind Dr Whiplash, is to be congratulated - this is one of her first runs - bene!

Pre-dinner drinks were held in the Weavers Real Ale bar, dinner was served after 9 at the Sher E Punjab Indian Restaurant.

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to himself for his admodum bonum hash - he's more than happy with mediocre 
The Pimp for his zebra print leggings - obviously in tribute to the local safari park - another of Kidderminium's attractions 
Frosty the neon gnome who was obviously wearing all of his new Christmas running gear! 
Hot Lips who wouldn't let it lie that she'd left the Christmas hash without her secret Santa prezzie, only to be rewarded with a book to help with preventing any noticeable excitement whilst in the communal Roman baths 
Cleopatra for spoiling the surprise 
Dr Jeckyll for his amazing facts - we expect one each week 😇
And finally to the Amateur for actually recognising and knowing the drummer from T'Pau !!!! 

Vale!

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Admiral Rodney, Berrow Green, WR6 6PL

The Laurels, Cutnall Green

Hash 338

Date: Thursday 11th December 2014
Venue: The Laurels, Cutnall Green
Beers: BYO
Food: a homemade 4 course meal! Parsnip soup, cottage pie & fish pie, cheese & fresh dates, rocky road & caramel crispie cakes - yummy!
Hare: Kinky Boots
Visitors/virgins: Michelle

Trail: Kinky Boots' muddy shoes hash for Greensleeves' sticky fingers birthday

Everyone was very excited for Kinky Boots' inaugural hash. About 20 or so dancing around in the cold on the drive, about half of them so excited they needed a pre-hash wee (or maybe they just wanted s sneaky peek at Kinky Boots's house).

Virgin Michelle, who had been picked up by the Amateur on Kinver Edge last week, seemed quite unfazed at the prospect of running around in the dark with us although she did seem to be missing her pooch.

We were told to keep away from the road so we did and it wasn't long before we were right in the thick of it. That's right, thick muddy furrowed fields. We loved it didn't we? So much so we covered the same piece of land (mud) 3 or 4 times over.

The Amateur had a close encounter with a stile resulting in some breezy britches whilst Crossdresser was still howling at the thought of losing his shoes (or one of the smaller hashers).

Some boggy hash halts with a nice variety of sweets, some great long falsies too - although I think we were all just following one another around like sheep.

A clever twist (& an unknowing decoy) sent everyone sprawling in all directions only to be called back on on across yet another prickly bog.

Back across the deep furrows yet again and some disbelieving cries of "not this again!" A little bit of Tarmac, down the back alley, past the Stirrups and back to the on inn - hurrah!

Despite the mud, everyone had a wonderful run, Greensleeves did her victory run past everyone on our way back, no one was lost and the hare remained looking as elegant as ever before becoming the hostess with the mostess serving up a feast fit for 20 kings and queens - amazing.

Down downs: awarded by an almost speechless Crossdresser to Kinky Boots, Greensleeves, Will & Julian for their wonderful hash and hospitality
Genital Reminder for showing Dr Whiplash how not to fall then succumbing to the mire himself good & proper later on
Dr Whiplash for not heeding the advice & looking like Bambi on ice
Clodhopper gets the our tune award for going away on his holidays & leaving half of his family behind.

Hot Lips x

Next week: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath - Christmas hash

The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath

Hash 339 Xmas Hash

Date: Thursday 18th December 2014
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Beers: lots I'm sure!
Food: Christmas dinner & mince pies
Hare: The Amateur
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: the Christmas lights hash
AKA the "should we stay or should we go?"
AKA the "Where the Fox is the Tally Ho?" hash

3 of us were late for the start of the hash but we were determined to be there never the less. We turned up at 1st HH to emptiness...

We called but heard no replies. We could occasionally hear some shouting or see some lights but our own light signals were not answered. We did talk of just going straight to the pub but we'd actually made an effort to adorn ourselves with Xmas lights so it was a shame not to show them off.

Leg Over rang someone to find they were already at HH2 so we got back in the car & headed off to the Tally Ho. As we arrived at the Tally Ho, we found the hashers heading off away from us - could we catch them or should we just give up & go to the pub? No, we're here now so we'll get cracking.

The Amateur waited for us and it wasn't long before we caught everyone else up. It was lovely to see so many twinkling hashers! We squelched through some fields wishing we had just gone to the pub, our feet sinking into cold muddy puddles before reaching HH3 at Kerby-Collins' farm where we were warmed with mulled wine. Game Bird squealed at Scuffer whilst the new puppy was a hit (although I'm not so sure about his name...?)

The Pimp was telling stories about his own version of Christmas knock door sing prompting ideas of a Christmas Carols hash next year (if we remember), then gave us a lesson in Aussie lingo as we set out up the drive.

Dr Whiplash was way out ahead but returned after finding nothing. The rest of us had followed over the stile, come back over it, climbed the stile again as instructed by the Pro, only to meet up with the others down the road! The Pro assured us she knew the way but Who's the Daddy had his doubts.

Luckily, we were almost done - the benefit of turning up late! A welcome bit of country road (& no more mud!) before finding the on inn. I thought I had seen Bushwacker in a tux on the car park (& blamed the lights) but found it was actually the welcoming committee: Shag, Crossdresser & Doggy Fashion. I don't think Cleopatra will recover from her first entry... although saying that, she did go back again!

Lovely Christmas dinner, courtesy of the the Fox Inn & lovely mince pies, courtesy of Bristols.

The after dinner ceremonies of down downs were awarded by Crossdresser, Shag and their glamorous assistant Doggy Fashion to:
Clodhopper for being the best "who's who" lookalike
Hot Lips & Cleopatra for our Barbara Cartland blogging
Genital Reminder for his fur & feathers
Dr Whiplash won the Mediocre Hash Award
The best photo award goes to Doggy Fashion for her birthday bum feeling
The Doug peanut-head award goes to Leg Over
And the Diplomacy award goes to Bushwacker...?!

I think there were more awards but unfortunately we had to be back for the babysitters - sorry!

(And if there was a spare secret Santa prezzie left over...?)

Hot Lips x

Hashy Christmas everyone!

Boxing Day run
The Cross Keys, Suckley, WR6 5DJ, 11am

Next hash:  Thursday 1st January 2015, 2.30pm Family Hash
Brookfield House, Wolverley, DY11 5QP

#340 BEST FAMILY HASH EVER!!

#340 BEST FAMILY HASH EVER!!

Date: Thursday 1st January 2015
Date: Thursday 1st January 2015

Venue: Clodhopper's house

Beers: Advocaat and Lilt
Food: Lots! Beef stew, sausages and mash, Christmas cake and Stilton, trifle, crumble, oat biscuits...
Hare: Clodhopper
Virgins: Davenport cuzzies Grace and Jacob

Trail:
It was such a treat to set off in daylight at the earlier time of 2.30pm. Nice to see Cinderella and Darth Radar again as well as welcoming some newbies.

Also present: The Pro, The Amateur and Bushwacker, Copulation along with Gobstopper and Eagle Eyes, The Pimp brought his crazy leggings, Dr Whiplash with Emma and her mate, Doggy Fashion, Shag, Who's the Daddy, Legover, me and my two.

It was a lovely 4 mile trail of sawdust through familiar territory with plenty of hash halts. Although it was mild, there were a few icy puddles, which provided entertainment for Shag and the hashlings. Poor Shag was injured by flying razor sharp ice as he held it up for kicking - don't try this at home, kids.

Another lovely hash laid by Clodhopper but it was nothing compared to the entertainment and hospitality afterwards!

The Clodhoppers had had a New Year's Eve Ceilidh the night before and had covered the pool with a dance floor. While the men shouted and undid bolts and screws and shouted and slid the frames off the pool and shouted a bit more, the children and dog were swimming underneath or swinging on the trapeze...I nearly had a nosebleed just watching it all.

A proper feast was laid out for us once we had dried off. Those Starkies really spoilt us, thank you!

Down downs:
Shag raided the drinks cabinet and found some ancient Advocaat.
Clodhopper and Hopscotch were awarded for their amazing hospitality.
There was a bit of a Frozen theme too...
Shag for cutting his head on the ice
thanks to Grace and Gobstopper, and there were namings for Jacob the Karate Kid and Grace is now Elsa.
The Pimp also had some for those spectacular leggings and Bushwhacker for his OTT  reaction to the Advocaat with a sick bowl at the ready.

Happy New Year!

Cleopatra x

Next week: dunno

The Constitutional Club, Kinver ( Dr Whiplash 40th birthday Hash)

Next week: The Laurels, Kidderminster Road, Cutnall Green, WR9 0PW

Greensleeves' birthday hash

Hash 337 The Constitutional Club, Kinver

(Insert Whiplash's part of the blog here... Or maybe somewhere else!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Dr Whiplash for being the "big cheese" birthday boy - is he over the hill? There's certainly been some hills involved tonight!
Emma, our Virgin runner who had helped the big cheese lay the trail and had apparently been on hill taming duty
The "our tune" award goes to Hot Lips who didn't really want to be out on a school night, found out it wasn't a school night after all, then ended up letting it all go - unable to face it, her down down was driven down Bushwacker - well, without Sprout, he needed something!
Genital Reminder - the gift that keeps on giving - rabbits? Seriously?
Lassie for not living up to his name as instead of bringing everyone home he led them up the wrong path
And finally, Dr Whiplash awarded the last one to Crossdresser for having the best hat!

Lovely meal back at the on inn (there was a long wait for lasagne... that turned out to be a steak pie - result!)
Venn & Sven diagrams were used
A round of "happy birthday to you!" and some of Game Bird's lovely birthday cake, washed down with whichever of the many beers takes your fancy (I'm still on the soft drinks)

The final HH was amazing up at the look out point (see Tony's photo) with Whiplash's very own mini bar, although he declined to down them all himself (he's a sensible lad, unlike some...)

If anyone thinks being over 40 is over the hill, you're not wrong. Especially between 7 and 9 on a Thursday night. One of the hills was so steep that we were in danger of face-planting into each other's arses (or maybe that was just someone's fantasy?)

Running around Kinver Edge, off and back on again. Many twists and turns, lots of mud, lots of ups and downs (& we were assured we had the tamed route) and lots of hash halts with lots of Haribo & jelly babies to aid recovery.

And so, off we went, although Tony & Katie sloped back off to the car park. It was always going to start with a hill wasn't it? Say No More was a keen FRB tonight and Tony & Katie rejoined the party.

We finally managed to scrape just under 20 hashers & Demon Dog, got the low down from the big cheese - oh yeah, it's gonna be one of those hashes again tonight. Doggy Fashion (& myself actually) were remembering the pleasantries of the picnic but what Whiplash really meant was that he'd been making his own rules up again.

It was a slow start and could easily have been the smallest hash ever but a few more renditions of ham eggs chips & peas and meat lasagne and a few more folk braved this chilly winters evening. The hats theme was a brilliant idea!

There was a cafuffle at the start as new barriers were found on the car park but the boys had ways of sorting those. The big cheese arrived, armed with the menu, and Crossdresser broke into song: Ham, egg, chips & peas, chips & peas!

Since Dr Whiplash started the blog before the hash and Who's the Daddy thinks it gets written beforehand anyway (!) I thought I'd write it backwards (in a way), just because I can, good luck!

Hot Lips x

(Insert Whiplash's part of the blog here... Or maybe somewhere else!)

Down downs: awarded by Crossdresser to Dr Whiplash for being the "big cheese" birthday boy - is he over the hill? There's certainly been some hills involved tonight!
Emma, our Virgin runner who had helped the big cheese lay the trail and had apparently been on hill taming duty
The "our tune" award goes to Hot Lips who didn't really want to be out on a school night, found out it wasn't a school night after all, then ended up letting it all go - unable to face it, her down down was driven down Bushwacker - well, without Sprout, he needed something!
Genital Reminder - the gift that keeps on giving - rabbits? Seriously?
Lassie for not living up to his name as instead of bringing everyone home he led them up the wrong path
And finally, Dr Whiplash awarded the last one to Crossdresser for having the best hat!

Lovely meal back at the on inn (there was a long wait for lasagne... that turned out to be a steak pie - result!)
Venn & Sven diagrams were used
A round of "happy birthday to you!" and some of Game Bird's lovely birthday cake, washed down with whichever of the many beers takes your fancy (I'm still on the soft drinks)

The final HH was amazing up at the look out point (see Tony's photo) with Whiplash's very own mini bar, although he declined to down them all himself (he's a sensible lad, unlike some...)

If anyone thinks being over 40 is over the hill, you're not wrong. Especially between 7 and 9 on a Thursday night. One of the hills was so steep that we were in danger of face-planting into each other's arses (or maybe that was just someone's fantasy?)

Running around Kinver Edge, off and back on again. Many twists and turns, lots of mud, lots of ups and downs (& we were assured we had the tamed route) and lots of hash halts with lots of Haribo & jelly babies to aid recovery.

And so, off we went, although Tony & Katie sloped back off to the car park. It was always going to start with a hill wasn't it? Say No More was a keen FRB tonight and Tony & Katie rejoined the party.

We finally managed to scrape just under 20 hashers & Demon Dog, got the low down from the big cheese - oh yeah, it's gonna be one of those hashes again tonight. Doggy Fashion (& myself actually) were remembering the pleasantries of the picnic but what Whiplash really meant was that he'd been making his own rules up again.

It was a slow start and could easily have been the smallest hash ever but a few more renditions of ham eggs chips & peas and meat lasagne and a few more folk braved this chilly winters evening. The hats theme was a brilliant idea!

There was a cafuffle at the start as new barriers were found on the car park but the boys had ways of sorting those. The big cheese arrived, armed with the menu, and Crossdresser broke into song: Ham, egg, chips & peas, chips & peas!

Since Dr Whiplash started the blog before the hash and Who's the Daddy thinks it gets written beforehand anyway (!) I thought I'd write it backwards (in a way), just because I can, good luck!

Hot Lips x

The Camp House, Grimley

#335

Date: Thursday 20th November 2014
Pub: The Camp House, Grimley
Food: Chilli, rice and chips with iceberg  garnish or vegetable lasagne
Hares: Legover and helpers
Visitors/virgins: Lovely to see Angie, and I think The Pimp is no longer just a visitor.

Also present:
Game Bird
Dr Whiplash
Shag
Doggy Fashion
Who's the Daddy
Russell Sprout
The Pro
The Amateur
Hash Quack
Golden Showers
Bristols
Clodhopper and Jasper
Oh, and me!

Trail:
You had to be hardcore to venture out through the fog to the back of beyond for tonight's hash...there was a distinct drop in numbers, as well as in temperature, from last week. Game Bird thought it was appropriate to crack open the Lidl sweets while we gathered in the car park. Jasper soon warmed things up by attacking poor Hash Quack.

It took a while to find the flour, but at least everyone was nicely warmed up before heading off through the mist along the river towards Worcester. 

Eventually we headed right by a little bridge before climbing some steps to the first hash halt. 

There was some confusion as we set off again through Hallow because some hashers made the mistake of thinking I knew where I was going. Sorry, The Pimp. Legover was doing his job, luckily, and soon put us right. It looks different in the dark!

And I didn't deliberately turn off my torch. I honestly thought I was shining my light towards those poor guys who ran off half a mile the wrong way, instead of sneaking down the side of The Crown. We didn't lose anyone though. 

We carried on through some houses, Shag's dulcet tones contemplating the meaning of life, the universe etc.

After another hash halt it was mostly across fields and there was much calling back from front runners (Who's the Daddy)...despite the huge piles of flour on the fence posts...

While the hashers were checking it out in the wrong direction I thought I'd have a sneaky wee but Legover picked the wrong moment to turn around to tell me to switch my torch off, illuminating me, just as the hashers realised their error and came back...

Everyone found at least one of the On Inns and made it back for the best chilli and lasagne ever!

Down downs:
Briefly interrupted by the indoor shooters selling raffle tickets, but subsequently awarded by Doggy Fashion to: 
Legover for a lovely winter hash, and to me for helping, enlisting child slave labour on a school night and for weeing on my trainers. 
- There was a Tale of 2 Daves...Clodhopper was thought to be farting throughout the hash, but it turned out to be Jasper's extendable lead making all the noise. And to Who's the Daddy for calling back twice and switching off his torch to sneak up on unsuspecting hashers.
He also got caught up in Game Bird's bush🌳.

Ok, bye!

Cleopatra x
Next week: The Pavilion in the Park, Worcester. Plays With IT.

Bristols' 30th Birthday and Engagement to Golden Showers African Safari Hash!

#334 Bristols' 30th Birthday and Engagement to Golden Showers African Safari Hash!

Date: Thursday 13th November 2014
Pub: The Fox Inn, Hanley Broadheath
Food: Hearty stew and chunky bread
Hares: Shag, Bristols, Golden Showers and Charlie the Demon Dog
Visitors/virgins: Ester, Clare and some of Bristols' mates whose names I've forgotten, sorry.

There was a very special announcement at the beginning of tonight's hash: Bristols and Golden Showers got engaged in Africa💕🐅!!!

The 25 or so hashers in African themed fancy dress gave a champagne toast to the happy couple. Controversially, some chose to run with an Ebola-protective-suits/masks spin on the African theme...just saying what happened; I won't judge.

I missed all this, and the beginning of the trail but I'm sure expectations were low as one of the hares had already broadcast that this was to be the worst hash ever. The puddles in the car park should have been an indicator of what was to come...

When Ester the virgin and I rocked up, three proper gentlemen had kindly waited for us: Legover, Shag and Ollie. We'd never have caught up otherwise and it would have been a rubbish first hash for Ester.

We ran at quite a pace to catch the others up, which we managed by the first hash halt. There was a rendition of Happy Birthday for Bristols and sparklers and fireworks courtesy of Legover. Oh, and loads of Lidl sweets. Did you collect the rubbish at 6am, Shag😇?

From then on, it was, as Crossdresser was to later describe, like the Battle of the Somme, which seemed appropriate with the 100 years' anniversary of the start of the First World War. Strictly speaking, the Battle of the Somme was 1916, but I'm just showing off because I know about these things.

We felt for the virgins, who were possibly regretting coming, not having been warned about extreme conditions. They battled on, across the fields, listening to the comforting tones of Shag's voice as he described Charlie's unfortunate incident with the barbed wire. Get well soon, Charlie!

There was a huge stash of beer, soft drinks and Lidl sweets at the second hash halt, just down the road from the pub. After consuming our body weight in faux Pinballs™, some of us felt it best to resist the temptation to follow the tarmac back to the On Inn.

We divided again at the very narrow path between a fence and a hedge, visions of barbed wire fresh in our minds. I overheard Bushwhacker and young Ollie talking about tractors (so cute), shortly before returning to the pub. We were joined by non-runners The Pro, the lovely Emma, Get Down Shep and Tits or Treats.

Also present and deserve a mention:
Game Bird, Doggy Fashion, Say No More, Plays With IT, Russell Sprout, The Amateur, Clodhopper and a well-behaved Jasper, Hash Quack, Dr Whiplash, The Pimp, Well Laid

Down downs:
Awarded by Crossdresser to hares Shag, Bristols and Golden Showers for their muddy hash, then in a slick manoeuvre to Bristols again for having a big birthday. We sang Happy Birthday and Doggy accused Legover of dragging her down before we moved smoothly on to the subject of the engagement. Gifts of a ball and chain, flowers and a shotgun were given out.
Crossdresser welcomed the virgins and would have given a down down to Clare for the best alligator costume but she did a runner.
Young Ollie got a pint of water for complaining to Tits or Treats that Uncle Shag never calls him .

Game Bird had made one of those amazing Guinness cakes.

Sorry if I've forgot anything or anyone. It's a big responsibility, you know.

Cleopatra x

Ps could somebody please confirm that I've got Stuart's hash name right?

Next week: Legover, venue TBC

Brookfield House

Hash 333

Date: Thursday 6th November 2014
Venue: Brookfield House, Wolverley
Food: homemade bangers & mash
Beers: BYO
Hare: Clodhopper
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: Clodhopper's Bangers & Hash

There was a doggy theme tonight - Say No More had spied an apparently good dogging spot before we'd even set out - Say No More indeed!

Jasper was very excitable inside and out and then Demon Dog appeared and got to marking anything and everything in an equally excitable manner (much to Game Bird's amusement)

And so, 16 hashers, 2 Hashlings, 2 hash hounds, some overly bright torches, some rain, order called by Who's the Daddy and tonight's trail introduced by Clodhopper: laid in sawdust, about 5 miles, 3 and you're on and 3 hash halts.

Lassie was brave in his bare legs and brand new trainers and he and the Amateur were off, checking every which way right from the start as we headed back down towards Wolverley. Confusion at a crossing meant that, quite effortlessly, Game Bird and myself became FRBs!

Into the boggy fields of no mans land and down to Wolverley Court Lock and the first HH. All sorts were shared, Shirley was heard to mention threesomes but Shag had remembered the birds from around these parts...

More confusion as Whiplash fled off down the towpath, we duly followed, only to be called back and over to the other side. Shag mischievously led everyone up a falsie and was still chuckling to himself as his Demon Dog was also leading Jasper astray as he came close to upending Doggy Fashion and The Pro.

More off road, lots more mud and puddles, more FRB action from Game Bird, Doggy Fashion and myself until disorientation along the towpath found us near the back again.

The Pro had gone AWOL at the last HH, the Amateur lamented his woe and gave a sad blow of his horn but to no avail. We therefore set off for the final furlong, back through the lanes of Fairfield and more shaggy dog stories as Doggy Fashion told me of her pooch just as Jasper tried to trip her with his lead yet again!

A great hash and back to the on in for bangers and bangers and mash!

Hot Lips x

Down downs were awarded by tonight's guest RA Doggy Fashion:

Hopscotch for food and hosting
Clodhoper for the best hash ever and water skiing with jasper
Lassie for new shoes he drank his down down from
3 new namings:
Jody - Green Sleeves for always wearing green tops,
Will - Led Head as he has an led headlight but the light bit was missing from the elastic
And mum, Kirsty is Kinky Boots as she arrived at the firework party in lace up knee high boots the naughty girl xxxx

Next week: The Fox, Hanley Broadheath, WR15 8QS

African Safari theme

Bird in Hand, Stourport

#331

Date: Thursday 23rd October 2014
Pub: Bird in Hand, Stourport
Beers: 
Food: Chicken curry or cauliflower cheese and chips!
Hare: Lassie
Visitors/virgins: Frosty Tony, Mike and Lynda and The Pimp off of Malvern

Trail:

I don't really know much about the trail. I was in the pub when Lassie was telling us about it and took lots of shortcuts.

These hashers were there:

The Amateur, Clodhopper, Genital Reminder, Game Bird, Russell Sprout, Hash Quack, Doggy Fashion, Legover, Dr Whiplash, Shag, Bushwacker, Who's the Daddy, Torchy, Tits or Treats, Cyclopath, Well Laid, The Pimp, Mike and Lynda, Lassie, Cleopatra, Windy Miller and Thing2.

Thing 2 would like to have a go at describing some of it:

Jasper and Charlie were having a play fight and were bouncing on top of each other. Kim said she had a bad knee. Then Windy Miller, Cleopatra and I went up some steps to get to the front. We met the man in the pink swirly leggings. He looked shocked that we were at the front now. We went past a rugby field and I did some cartwheels. Then we went into a cow field and it stank.
Furthermore, we stopped at a relaxing hash halt and had a little rest (with no sweets). Because we were getting tired, Lassie gave us a long shortcut. He said wait by the hollow and they'd come out there. So we were searching for a hollow but it was pitch black. Luckily we had Legover.
We eventually found the hollow and there was a gate so we hid behind it so we could scare them. We jumped out at the front runners and Dr Whiplash had a nasty shock. I can give you an impression. 😦
We had a luxurious hash halt with liquorice all sorts and yummy Jelly Babies.
There were some brambles and I was afraid to go through them and Declan scooped me up and carried me over before I could say anything. He said I was lighter than his dog.

It's Cleopatra again. Shortly before we took another shortcut with Well Laid, Hash Quack had a disagreement with a tree stump. We were closely followed by Dr Whiplash back to the On Inn, who insisted he had followed flour...

Back at the pub we met up with Mrs Lassie and down downs were awarded in style by Shag to:

Frosty Tony for being a virgin
Lassie for the best hash ever
Mrs Lassie for being lovely
Who's the Daddy and Ethan for father/son squabbling and a fluorescent thong

Next week: Copcut Elm, Droitwich

Ye Olde White Harte, Kinver

#326

Date: Thursday 18th September
Venue: Ye Olde White Harte, Kinver
Food: Off the menu
Beers: yes
Hare: Clodhopper👞
Visitors/virgins: Bubbles' big mate?👤

Trail👣:

We gathered in the car park...dying to meet Bubbles' mysterious mate... but neither turned up. Cleopatra🔺and Legover tried to take obscene photos 🍑 with Shag's phone. A poorly Dr Whiplash came to see us off. Clodhopper told us about the trail he laid without Cinderella while Tits or Treats 🍬did some yoga🙅. Just a normal Thursday night really.

It was flour and you're on and the trail immediately took us up the biggest hill 🌁 the hare 🐇could find. Legover had a wee  to lighten the load. Some of us developed altitude sickness with the lack of oxygen .

We suddenly found ourselves in that field where we had that picnic not so long ago before climbing up another brambly hill to the first hash halt.

Who's the Daddy soon got us moving again and Shag🔧told us about his ideas for fancy dress and games for the hash weekend🍌.

Maybe that was why we were all so hot and sweaty...or maybe it was because it was unseasonably warm🌋. A second hash halt came just in time and the tropical Caprisuns🍍were v. popular.

There were lots of twists and turns ↩↪ in true Clodhopper stylie...we thought we were nearly there but then found ourselves running in the opposite direction to the pub through a field of crazy youths 👬👭 and then some scared horses .

Back at the on inn we found Bubbles and his 'mate', who was actually our very own Crossdresser.
Dr Whiplash and Emma Game Bird and Compost also joined us.

Bushwhacker🎮 got IDed at the bar and Cinderella was disappointed when she wasn't...

Down downs:

Crossdresser only accepted written nominations for down downs. I found it very confusing because people were given them and they all gave them to someone else to drink:

Shag - not sure why? Shortcutting?
Clodhopper - we voted for whether it was the best, worst, or just 'Whiplash mediocre'. It was the best!
Cinderella - for going to uni📚.
Hash Quack and Game Birdfor being GB 🇬🇧 athletes.
Tits or Treats - for her bizarre stretches.
Bubbles - for being Crossdresser's mate and agreeing on the Scotland 🇬🇧 issue.

Say No More🙆 announced the forthcoming Hash Weekend on 17th/18th January 2015👍.

Next week: venue TBC

Ye Olde Holt Castle, Holt Heath, in the Shire of Worcester

Hash 325

Date: Thursday 11th September 2014
Venue: Ye Olde Holt Castle, Holt Heath, in the Shire of Worcester
Beers: Guinness, Ye Olde Speckled Hen, Thatchers Gold cider
Food: meat / veggie chilli & rice
Hares: His majesty, King & Heir Flash and her grace, Queen Instant Whip
Visitors/virgins: yes, plenty (although most left before dinner)

Trail: His Majesty's Medieval Birthday Hash

Come hither ye all, lords, ladies, gentlemen, knights, archers, friars, princesses, peasants and wenches. Ye are gathered here this night for King Flash's birthday hash (although you wouldn't knoweth he was king, he's in one of his many disguises).

Gather round to hear him speaketh, two score and ten were counted (or there abouts). He remained holding the hand of her Highness, Queen Whip, as he toldeth of tonight's trail. The royal abacus worked out numbers for the following banquet, the horn was blown and we set off into the evening sun, in search of the floured trail.

Verily, it is so, that on on was soon called to the left, past ye olde church of St Martin. A few lanes later and we happened upon the first hash halt. The knights refrained from bloody battle but there may have been a scuffle over a Haribo or two...

Into the woodland next, before traversing Ball Mill Quarry, site of archaeological interest. It hath been revealed that this land was likely to have been orchard or hopyard area in the Romano-British period (3rd & 4th Century), with the settlement area lying further to the south. Brian was particularly lively around these parts - maybe he was going to do a little digging of his own.

Down to the river and the next HH, whither Annie dog completed the second leg of her duathlon - they sayeth that dogs are like their owners! More sweets, talk of battle charges & ale-quaffing and the GM sent us on on again. Some headed north, when in fact the trail went south along the River Severn.

Come hither into the cattle field, where those more unfortunate amongst us encountered the dead sheep, although none claimed it as their own, despite the flailing swords. Of course, one knight was caught severing a vegetable from it's plant in a neighbouring field - there's always one!

One of the wenches deciphered the hash view point code and most of us duly went to have a look, whilst the FRBs went in search of the trail instead. A little bit of road before HH3, whither we were rightly treated to the finest of ales and juices, meanwhile, someone had dropped something that would soon weigh his britches down...

Story of a short cut was told but the followers decided to battle through the dark wilderness, through the stingiest of nettles filled with blood-curdling cries and into the clearing for HH4. It was too dark to see anything, except for a lonesome knight sneaking away to findeth a good tree.

The final furlong took us through more woods with nervous horses nearby. Demon Dog needed help over a couple of styles, his owner requested help of a similar nature but later regretted it as it resulted in further problems with his britches.

A truly majestic hash, fit for a king, his queen and their people, and the best on inn in history: the on castle!
Much frivolity, yet more fair maidens, more beer-swilling and ale-quaffing. The court jester serenaded us beauteously with his mighty stringed instrument and there was a guest RA to master the ceremonies...

Down downs were enthusiastically awarded by Gone Commando to the former King's now jester Heir Flash and his fellow jesteress Instant Whip for their magnificent hash (although his wicked game of thrones prevented further hand-holding or canoodling of any sort)
Matt & Sarah, the virgins, were raucously named...
Rawhide, who had been hash flashing all night, was being revered for having the horn
Goody Goody Goo Shoes
Ben the beastly knight
Shag for the trouble with his britches
Dirty Habit
Sheep Shagger for being the best dressed knight
Denis the Menace for being the worst dressed...

Fare thee well one and all

Hot Lips x

Next (this) week: Ye Olde White Hart, Kinver, DY7 6HL

Eagle & Spur, Cookley

Hash 324

Date: Thursday 4th September 2014
Pub: Eagle & Spur, Cookley
Beers: Two Hoots, Brains, Eagle, Symonds cider
Food: chicken/veggie curry, rice & poppadums
Hares: Hot Lips, Dr Jeckyll & Sister Hyde
Visitors/virgins: none

Trail: The "I get by with a little help from my friends" hash

About 20 hashers, including 4 hashlings and a couple of hash hounds for another lovely summer's evening. There was a little confusion over numbers as not much food had been pre-ordered but the fact it was a school night helped to resolve this!

Yet another week of no GM or RA caused more panic until Early Riser stepped (was pushed) into the role. It was a bit of a joint effort as the website had to be checked for details but he seemed to cope well under the pressure.

Now, over to tonight's trail. True to form, I enlisted the help of others to help set the trail - well a girl can't be out walking along dark paths, chucking bits of flour around, on her own now can she?

Shirley agreed to come & keep me company but Dr Jeckyll had the brilliant idea of coming along too, him to lay the back half of the trail whilst we laid the first half. This saved a good 2 hours and made interesting commentary at the start. I could see that people were thinking this was going to be the worst hash ever. Anyway, here goes...

Out of 5 possible routes at the start, everyone went the wrong way! Clodhopper and Lassie went one way, the Amateur & Bushwacker went another, In The Bush & Golden Shower went another whilst Shirley & I just waited and laughed. Dr Jeckyll said we really shouldn't be giving away clues so early on in the proceedings but it was almost necessary.

And so, along Lea Lane, past the sports & social club, Early Riser & Lassie were spotted checking out routes without checks, whilst Dr Jeckyll was complaining of a lack of flour. Not so, Clodhopper's puppy had chosen to relieve himself on one of the spots (well, that's our excuse & we're sticking to it).

A little further along and we cut back on ourselves along the canal side. Clodhopper reckoned he knew his way around these paths, his excuse for going off trail was to rescue Lassie. Windy Miller and Thing 2 were running well and glad not to be at the back, whilst Up Front & Just Will were obviously way on ahead.

Shirley and I lost our own trail at one point but this was for the better as we shortcutted to the upper path with the hashlings and removed the possibility of falling in the cut! We also caught up with the rest of the pack who had negotiated the narrow lower path and were now checking out falsies again.

A troll was waiting for us as we crossed the bridge, grabbing the ankles of hashlings and frightening one of the hares. Along the tow path, turning left before the next tunnel and up to HH1 at the steel works' fire assembly point. Sweets were shared, stories were told and Bushwacker just had to be king of the castle.

On on again, back up to the main road, In The Bush and a couple of others checked right but we were heading left down the hill, meaning he was at the back for once! Not for long though.

Over the river, round the bend and another check taking us up Kinver Lane. Shag was a little preoccupied by some coupling exercise, whilst Cinderella was having a bit of trouble with Jasper.

HH2 with some liquid refreshments that were hidden by the Hydes, before sending them to check out the falsie. Some fell for it, then we headed off, away from the road and into the field. This was Dr Jeckyll's part of the trail & he seemed very pleased with himself as more hashers succumbed to yet more falsies.

Down to The Anchor, where the locals, enjoying a few beers on this warm evening, gave us plodders at the back the right directions. A few paths later and we found ourselves at the very picturesque HH3 on a bridge over the River Stour. Windy Miller tried to create an early Halloween scene and everyone else with torches now needed to check their batteries were working.

Dr Jeckyll was chuckling to himself as the hashers followed yet another falsie, oh how they all groaned! He was a little disappointed that they missed the next falsie & actually picked up the right trail. Luckily, he was easily consoled.

Another falsie saw the group very split and the false trailers seemed almost reluctant to come back on track. Maybe this was because Up Front & her family had now managed to secure their places at the rear? Maybe the galloping horses in the field at the side of us were just too distracting.

Nettle alley next & Cinderella was hopping around trying to avoid the impossible by not getting stung. I believe it is around here that Shirley tried to break away from the hash but was spotted and had to return dancing.

Back onto the estate, yet more falsies (never have we seen so many towards the end of a hash!) and finally, the on inn was in sight. The hottest (but very nice) curry we've ever had & the welcome return of a chauffeur-driven Crossdresser, who politely grimaced through each & every hug he got!

Down downs: awarded in person this week by Crossdresser to:
Hot Lips for the best hash ever plus enlisting others to either help out (or bail her out of) laying it
Dr Jeckyll for his part in laying the second half of the trail with some excellent & unexpected falsies
Shirley for helping out too, plus having too many down downs last week, plus trying to nip off without being followed - not a good move when you're one of the hares!
Early Riser for stepping in to make his debut as GM, his virgin run if you like
In The Bush for turning up to a hash on his own, absolutely no other Ward family members to look out for him (most of them with other performance athletes in Canada)
Finally to Slimboy Fat, our very own finely tuned performance athlete who is off to do the Wolf Run on Saturday and has bought new shoes for the occasion - good luck mate!

Hot Lips x

Next week: Holt Castle, Holt Heath, WR6 6NJ

Medieval Fancy Dress, party til 11pm